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Am I incompetent?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:38 pm
mommy2b2c wrote:


However, most people are missing the point! I don't feel incompetent. I feel accomplished.


And yet the title of this thread is "am I incompetent?"

Which is it? Make up your mind.
If you are fishing for compliments, be honest and say so.

mommy2b2c wrote:


It's just that things are not perfect, and they should be.

Rolling Eyes
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amother
Olive


 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:46 pm
I think OP is cloaking her bragging in phony humility. I had an ex-classmate like that. She would go around moaning about how she "only" got a 97 on an exam, when not only was this the highest grade in the class but 12 points higher than the second highest grade.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:49 pm
zaq wrote:
Rolling Eyes


My point is that, I am not unhappy with the way things are, I don't feel like an incompetent person, but I often wonder, am I? What I do, I do mostly well, though not perfectly, however, it's basically my limit. Most people work, have no help, make all their own food from scratch, etc.. If I work even a few hours a day, then everything falls apart. I also must have cleaning help, or my house will really never get a deep cleaning.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:50 pm
amother wrote:
I think OP is cloaking her bragging in phony humility. I had an ex-classmate like that. She would go around moaning about how she "only" got a 97 on an exam, when not only was this the highest grade in the class but 12 points higher than the second highest grade.


Come on. Don't resort to insults. Besides, I really didn't brag about anything. I wrote that I don't work, have help and my house is still messy. If that's bragging Confused
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:52 pm
mommy2b2c wrote:
I run errands for a few hours a day for a few reasons. 1) my baby won't nap in the house and then he goes crazy. Like this he gets a long nap in the mornings and the rest of the day is manageable 2) walking is my daily exercise

Also, what do you consider errands? For me it means grocery, cleaners, bank, sock store, dr appt, shopping, dressmaker , repairs, manicure, staples, target, amazing savings, shipping packages... Basically, anything I need to do out of the house.

That still sounds like a lot of errands to be done every day of every week. Grocery, cleaners and bank can all be done one day. Clothes shopping is not a weekly thing, only at the beginning of a season. You shouldn't need sock store, staples, target, amazing savings every week.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 5:55 pm
pause wrote:
That still sounds like a lot of errands to be done every day of every week. Grocery, cleaners and bank can all be done one day. Clothes shopping is not a weekly thing, only at the beginning of a season. You shouldn't need sock store, staples, target, amazing savings every week.


I don't do them all every week. Just giving examples of what errands might be.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 6:06 pm
pause wrote:
That still sounds like a lot of errands to be done every day of every week. Grocery, cleaners and bank can all be done one day. Clothes shopping is not a weekly thing, only at the beginning of a season. You shouldn't need sock store, staples, target, amazing savings every week.


It sounds like these aren't necessary errands always but shopping outings since op has time and money to burn. I'm the same way when I'm a sahm.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 6:12 pm
Even Martha Stewart feels incompetent sometimes, I would think. Can she speak Swahili? Set a broken bone? Does she manage a household of seven kids? Is she still married to the husband of her youth?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 6:40 pm
zaq wrote:
Even Martha Stewart feels incompetent sometimes, I would think. Can she speak Swahili? Set a broken bone? Does she manage a household of seven kids? Is she still married to the husband of her youth?


You're right. I'm just thinking out loud, or online, I should say. I guess I'm surrounded by to many over achievers. You should meet my mom. Also, I'm a worrier, so I constantly worry about what would happen if I go to work or stop having help. I wouldn't be like the women on this site who vent about how much work they have, but they somehow get it done. I really wouldn't be able to do it! I can manage my life fine, but only because it is so simple.
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yogabird




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 6:43 pm
Did you ever work outside the house? If not, how do you know you couldn't pull it off?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 7:27 pm
yogabird wrote:
Did you ever work outside the house? If not, how do you know you couldn't pull it off?


I did. I once worked thirty hours a week. That year I got bronchitis, the flu, strep, an ear infection, and many other viruses. I had a mothers helper everyday, cleaning help, bought take out a lot, and my mom made shabbos for me every week.

You people think I'm making this up!
Last year when I was pregnant, I did not make supper for four months straight. No exaggeration.
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 7:33 pm
Yes, you are incompetent when you have more on your plate than what you have right now.

Is that the right answer?
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 7:51 pm
MamaBear wrote:
Yes, you are incompetent when you have more on your plate than what you have right now.

Is that the right answer?


I guess so.

It's not such a good feeling. Oh well.

I guess I should just be thanking G-d that this is all I have on my plate.
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 9:20 pm
You just sound spoiled, enjoy it!
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 10:07 pm
mommy2b2c wrote:
My point is that, I am not unhappy with the way things are, I don't feel like an incompetent person, but I often wonder, am I? What I do, I do mostly well, though not perfectly, however, it's basically my limit. Most people work, have no help, make all their own food from scratch, etc.. If I work even a few hours a day, then everything falls apart. I also must have cleaning help, or my house will really never get a deep cleaning.


No, most people don't do all that. The people who make tons of food from scratch and cloth diaper, for example, are not usually the full time working moms. Most working mothers, and even non working mothers that I know have cleaning help, and I live in a pretty poor community.

I personally worked for 6 years full time with four little kids (literally, they were all under three for a short time), had no cleaning help, and never boughy take out or prepared food. But I was far from super woman.

How did I manage it? Well, my husband did almost all of the the shopping, all the laundry (washing, which was at a laundry mat because we didn't have a machine- I did the folding and sorting) and he straightened up the house each evening. The kitchen was my domain, but I often went to bed with dishes in the sink and used a lot of paper dishes. The floors and bathroom were only washed once a week - on Thursday night, my husband and I would clean the house together for shabbos staring at 10:30 at night when he got home from night Seder. I'd cook in bulk - clean and cook 10 pounds of chicken at one time and freeze so that it made many suppers, for example. I made challa and kugels and soups, etc like that too. I did my cooking all on Sundays or at night after the kids were sleeping. My house was far from immaculate, actually, it was usually flying. My food was very simple and was almost never served fresh, my kids were watched by a babysitter for the majority of their waking hours. They were primarily bottle fed, aside from what I pumped at work and a few nursings in the evenings/weekends. I did no exercise. I went to bed very late each night and was very tired at work.

Now, for the past few years, I've been a stay at home mom. I love every second of it, but I don't have a neater house. The difference? I take care of my kids all day (don't send them out till age 3) , my baby is nursed exclusively, never took a bottle. My husband is able to help less - no laundry, less shopping and less housecleaning. Supper is made fresh. I eat a leisurely breakfast and lunch. I can chaperone class trips. I exercise every day - either power walking with a stroller or an exercise class at night. But my house is still a mess because I am just not a neat person and not good at cleaning a d BH I still have a lot of little ones. I still often go to bed with dirty dishes. I still stay up late at night, and I still can't always fit everything into my day. But I have a lot more menuchas hanefesh as a person.

My point of all this is: 1. Most women who look like superwoman (and lots of pple called me that in my working days) are really not. I was collapsing at the seams. 2. You figure out how to manage your responsibilities based on how much time you have. If you were working full time, you would consolidate your errands better, your baby would be at a babysitter and nurse less. You wouldn't necessarily make a fresh breakfast and lunch daily. You'd be more harried, etc. But I still think you'd manage. So don't worry so much about the future. For now, enjoy life as it is and you'll cross that bridge if you ever get there.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:16 pm
Im not sure what you are looking for in this thread. Most of us somehow manage to cope with what life throws at us to some degree or another. When people do not cope (meaning mental/physical collapse of some sort) it usually is because the changes came too suddenly and quickly and overwhelmed their coping mechanisms. In your case I'd wonder about some sort of immunodeficiency because it really isn't normal to get sick that often.

IM one of those moms working three jobs, no cleaning help, small apt with many children. First of all I have lots of help from husband. We do not have homemade challa. House usually looks upside down. But I have also been through stages where I worked less and the house still wasn't as cleAn as I thouht it should be. And I used to have the same thought--if im not managing now how will I manage with a job? The answer is you manage eith whatever you have. You adapt. Your standards change. You skip certain chores or learn to do them faster or more efficiently. I do most of my shopping online. I probably haven't stepped foot in a clothing store in over a year.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:40 pm
mommy2b2c wrote:
Well not me. Thande most I ever worked was 30 hrs a week and I nearly fell apart. My mom made me shabbos every week. I bought take out a lot. I hired a mothers helper for very evening plus a cleaning lady a few times a week, and I got the flu, bronchitis, strep and an ear infection besides for all the viruses and colds. Like a said, I'm just not capable like other people are.


Looks like you're describing me. And I thought I'm the only one like that.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 13 2015, 5:16 am
amother wrote:
Im not sure what you are looking for in this thread. Most of us somehow manage to cope with what life throws at us to some degree or another. When people do not cope (meaning mental/physical collapse of some sort) it usually is because the changes came too suddenly and quickly and overwhelmed their coping mechanisms. In your case I'd wonder about some sort of immunodeficiency because it really isn't normal to get sick that often.

IM one of those moms working three jobs, no cleaning help, small apt with many children. First of all I have lots of help from husband. We do not have homemade challa. House usually looks upside down. But I have also been through stages where I worked less and the house still wasn't as cleAn as I thouht it should be. And I used to have the same thought--if im not managing now how will I manage with a job? The answer is you manage eith whatever you have. You adapt. Your standards change. You skip certain chores or learn to do them faster or more efficiently. I do most of my shopping online. I probably haven't stepped foot in a clothing store in over a year.


Honestly, I wasn't looking for anything particular. I was just starting a conversation. I'm always wondering how people do it all and I really can't.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Sun, Dec 13 2015, 6:36 am
mommy2b2c wrote:
Honestly, I wasn't looking for anything particular. I was just starting a conversation. I'm always wondering how people do it all and I really can't.


20 hours a week of errands is excessive. Try to minimize them. Use pickup/dropoff services. Group nearby ones together. You fill up a half time job with garbage. I don't think I run two hours of errands a week. I would go bonkers being flink.

I get gas and pick up prescriptions when I am doing other things. I shop for fruits, vegetables, and meat while I am out. I call in my staples for delivery.

Use the spare time you gain for yourself. Workout, get your nails done and take bubble baths.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Sun, Dec 13 2015, 6:59 am
First of all your nursing a baby. That take a lot of energy. Make sure your nutrition is good and you get plenty of rest.

Remember your reading it on line not seeing it with your own eyes. Not everything you read is true.

Maybe your standards of cleaning or ironing are a lot higher than others. For others, and I heard this, they only iron the part of DH shirt that shows. Let's say if their DH wears suits all day they only iron the middle front.

I also know people that their house is like a museum. Their kids are petrified to make any mess, because mommy will get upset. I know one lady who fed her babies until they were 2 or 3 in the bath tub with diapers on. This way the kids didn't spill on the floor, and as soon as they finished eating, she would take off their diapers and give them a bath.

And by the way, there is a difference between dirty and messy. So there's a few Legos and trains on the floor, that's called normal in a happy home.
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