Flatbush/Midwood | Imamother

amother

Apricot

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 7:58 am

We are moving to Flatbush/Midwood and I'm worried I will be regretting it. We needed to find a place quickly and I didn't have time to do a whole lot of research. Money also played a role in our decision.

I have read some posts here that it isn't a very welcoming community. We are also very modern (Ashkenazi) and the rabbi from our current synagogue has been looking into shuls that would be a good fit for us but has said that it appears very limited. He has a son-in-law that grew up in the area and that is where his information is coming from.

So now I am concerned. I don't want anyone to sugar coat it. Is this really a poor match for us?

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 8:55 am

I live in Flatbush/Midwood. When you say very modern what does that mean? If you do not cover your hair and wear pants than this area is not for you. There are some middle aged people that type here but their kids don't stay.

amother

Mistyrose

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 9:23 am

If you're moving to the border of Midwood, closer to Madison, there are shuls for you. Approximately what letter streets are you moving to?

NurseK

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 10:39 am

There are still modern orthodox shuls and schools in Flatbush. The mo dox population exists but is DEFINITELY dying out. If that is a huge factor for you, consider NJ or five towns...

amother

Apricot

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 11:43 am

We will be in the area of Ocean Parkway and Ave M.

No, I don't cover my hair. I don't wear pants. I dress conservatively. I wear sandals. We have TV, watch secular movies and listen to secular music. We keep Shabbat, kosher, etc.

doctorima

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 1:21 pm

If you don't want it sugarcoated, then no, Midwood is not the best fit in 2015 for modern Orthodox ashkenazim, who are dying out in the area and leaving for other areas, nor is it the friendliest and most welcoming toward newcomers. There will be Sefardim and Syrians near where you're moving who are more modern in some areas, but I don't know that you'll be happy there either.

You could try the Young Israel of Flatbush at the corner of Coney Island and Ave. I, or Talmud Torah across the street, or Agudas Achim on Coney between L and M, or the Yavneh minyan on the corner of Coney Island and L to start. I'm also not sure what you mean when you say that money played a role in the decision, because the cost of living here is quite high.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 1:37 pm

Cost of living is high but comparatively to the rest of NYC it isn't so bad.

So why are people not friendly to newcomers? I don't understand that mentality.

amother

Floralwhite

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 2:41 pm

ocean pkwy and m area is yeshivish or sephardim. there are not many MO in flatbush and they are def not in that area. I am from the midwest and am living here for six years. People here are not unfriendly, they are just not friendly. A new family on the block is just no big deal. There can be more frum families living on one block here than there are in entire small oot communities. Most people that live here at least one spouse if not both are from here so they have families and friends who they grew up with and if a new family moves 6 doors down they just dont notice or care. The cost of living may be the same here as say long island but you get much more bang for your buck there in terms of the houses. good luck with ur decision.

yo'ma

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 2:48 pm

amother wrote:

So why are people not friendly to newcomers? I don't understand that mentality.

What the previous amother said, not unfriendly, but not friendly. In that area, on M and 5th, I was walking with my dd on Shabbos and my dd needed a tissue which was obvious and a woman who lived there told her to come inside and take a tissue. No idea who they are. Maybe not specifically friendly, but nice and helpful. Very Happy

amother

Emerald

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 3:05 pm

amother wrote:

Cost of living is high but comparatively to the rest of NYC it isn't so bad.

So why are people not friendly to newcomers? I don't understand that mentality.

It's not a community. Sounds like you'd be happier in that kind of setting.

nyer1

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 3:30 pm

not a lot of modern orthodox shuls.
most ashkenazim DO NOT hold by an eruv. it will be hard to be accepted if you DO hold by it.

its not a community. there are a lot of people. impossible to feel like it's a community. you will meet people, but you have to search. and make an effort, different from a small community where if you miss a week from shul people call to ask if everything is ok

that being said, there are a lot of really great amazing sweet people in flatbush. great options for schools, restaurants, organizations, shiurim etc.

if you are the type to really make an effort, you will find your niche. but don't expect a welcoming committee to come to your door with flowers and a candy tray, like is done in other places. it just won't happen.

amother

Mustard

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 3:32 pm

It took me years to make friends here. Now I wouldn't want to move, but back in the beginning would have done it in a heartbeat. So be prepared to give it time.

nyer1

Fri, Dec 11 2015, 3:32 pm

and yeah. its very expensive. people who can't afford brooklyn are moving to other areas like NJ and long island. not that long island is cheap, but like someone posted above, at least you have a lot more space

amother

Apricot

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:27 pm

We need to stay in NYC. We already signed a lease so the deal is done. We will find our way. There may be a time that we will leave the city but now is not it.

nicole81

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:34 pm

amother wrote:

We need to stay in NYC. We already signed a lease so the deal is done. We will find our way. There may be a time that we will leave the city but now is not it.

since you signed the lease already, it's not exactly relevant right now, but when your lease is over, look into mill basin. it's a neighborhood in brooklyn that is heavily modern orthodox and has an actual community. it would probably be a much better fit for you.

mpk

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 6:48 am

Based on location I think you will daven at the Ave N Jewish Center. They do have some young modern orthodox families.

TeachersNotebook

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 2:31 pm

I think Flatbush/Midwood is misunderstood. (I grew up there, so I can't say what it's like trying to transition in there.) But here was my understanding: Flatbush is not a community. Therefore, it can feel unwelcoming to people who are coming from a place that is actually one big community. Don't expect your neighbors to show up with cookies on your first day; don't expect everyone you pass on the street to say "Good Shabbos," (though it's nice when they do...). These are "OOT" practices.

Flatbush is made up of many many different communities. You need to be able to find your place. There are MO communities in Flatbush where women don't cover their hair outside of shul, some wear pants/some don't, many use the eruv, etc. That's the community you want to find. You can find it in the M and J area- either through the shuls, or through the schools, or both. I grew up in the Yavneh Minyan, which is now at 1102 Ave. L. The people there are very friendly and welcoming. In addition, since there are soooo many different communities in Flatbush, people only know about others peripherally. It's the cliche about not even knowing the people who live your own block (which may or may not be true Wink

) So if you, your rabbi, or anyone else speaks to people going to yeshivish shuls, they may not know much about the MO ones. And MO might not realize just how pervasive the Yeshivish communities have become... Again- you find your niche, and you stick to it.

I agree that the MO communities are starting to dwindle. I even hear that chassidim are starting to move in instead. But either way, there are still plenty of friendly MO to welcome you in. If you're already making the move, and it's a done deal- don't start questioning your fit. Your attitude is going to have a huge effect on whether or not you're happy with your move, irrespective of the actual people and community you find. Now you might find it easiest to focus on making the best of everything, and doing everything in your power to find the good in your situation.

Good luck!

courage2218

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 7:24 pm

They definitely have MO families. They also have plenty of modern yeshivish, litvish and some chassidish. Modern Yeshivish as in skirts only, legs not always covered and skirts may have slits. There are people whose kids go to Brooklyn College and do NCSY.