Do you speak b4 negil vaser

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ruby slippers

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 10:30 pm

Curious if people say good morning to their spouse when they wake up or do you not speak at all until negil vaser. I was trying to look it up in the shulchan aruch, but all I saw was saying modeh aNI and not touching eyes, mouth etc. Is not speaking a custom or halacha?

Notsobusy

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 10:31 pm

Never heard not to speak before negel vaser.

Emaplus4

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:03 pm

That's. A really good question. Just show your post. I know that you are not allowed to say Shalom to someone until your mouth is cleaned in the morning

seeker

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:05 pm

Never heard of this chumra and would not be practical in my life.

trixx

Sat, Dec 12 2015, 11:47 pm

I don't think it's before negel but before saying modeh Ani (which I try)

ruby slippers

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 8:26 am

I ask because ds came home with this from camp along with a whole string of chumras, that we never heard of. I don't want to ask ds about this one cuz there have been so many and I don't want him to be on the defensive. Also don't want to feel like a fool when I go ask our Rav, thought maybe the ladies here could educate me on this..

FranticFrummie

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 8:34 am

In general, I think that it would be best if you explain to DS that if HE wants to take on a chumra he can do it, and that it is admirable. What he CANNOT do is to try to enforce his chumrot on other people, or even give them a sideways glance for doing things differently.

You can respect his choices, but he HAS to respect yours, as long as you are within the bounds of halacha. Good luck explaining that to a kid, who has no concept of anything except black and white, and "my rebbe says"!

ruby slippers

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 10:11 am

omg! or OMH as some kids say now a days- frantic frummie you are right on target as to what we are dealing with. ds looks at us constantly with sideways glances and we are a frum family- dh learned in yeshiva, he is well respected by poskim in the community, but as far as ds is concerned he looks at us like we are am ha'eretz and when we tell him certain things he is saying is out of context I.e. over Shabbos he told us he heard 2 men learning in the beit medrash that you are not allowed to open potato chips on Shabbos. When dh told him that is not true- he would not accept it until we showed him in the hilchos Shabbos sefer- it has to do with creating a kli, etc. but since to yeshiva guys were discussing it they must know more than us... so frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!! and of course we get the rebbi in camp said so- of course the rebbi in camp has a beard way longer than dh, so dh must be wrong.

ruby slippers

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 10:14 am

Now that I dump that all out- does anyone kw the answer this on- dh is not in the "parsha" of getting married, but if this is not a real thing would hate for him to keep this up- get married and not saying anything to his spouse in the morning until he runs to wash!

zaq

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 12:25 pm

eema1, I assume you mean "ds"? Surely your dh is already married?

zaq

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 12:28 pm

Not an issue for me--dh likes to say I get up before G-d, and certainly before anyone else is stirring, except for the mice. I do NOT speak to the mice. I cannot even scream at them, for fear of waking up the household. I can only swear at them in my heart, which doesn't count.

seeker

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 8:42 pm

I think the antidote to anything of this sort is more education. The more you learn about halachos and minhagim of any kind, the more you understand that they can be nuanced and that various perspectives can be equally valid. You could also throw in a mussar seder, I'm terrible at specifying sources but I'm sure in seminary we learned from some mussar seforim that discussed the appropriateness of taking on chumras.

Even if DS still feels that the right thing for him is to be "more frum" at least you will establish yourself as equally worthy of respect because you can hold your own in a learning discussion (even if that means looking something up and discovering he's right - you have established that you can do your research and determine the right thing to do) and you do what you do out of well-founded convictions even if those are different than his. Don't be intimidated.

naturalmom5

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 8:54 pm

Ok... I had my husband ask a very big poisek in BMG this afternoon and he said there is no source in Halacha for not talking before negel vasser

pingo

Sun, Dec 13 2015, 8:56 pm

You can call bais horaya in lakewood I belive it is a 24 hr line if not then alot of the day were you can ask a rav some thing anonymously 7329059992

Iymnok

Mon, Dec 14 2015, 5:28 am

DH is already in Shul by the time I wake up.

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