Completely overwhelmed every time I make Shabbos!

amother

Smokey

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 5:15 pm

I absolutely love cooking and hosting, but the process involved is extremely hard for me. Sometimes I have cleaning help, but even then, I am overwhelmed by all the cooking and preparations. I am so jealous of all those women who finish all their cooking Friday morning! I just don't understand it. I am ALWAYS in a rush until the last second, and often I even light a few minutes late. I hate this feeling and sometimes all this stress causes me to lash out at my husband. Does anyone else feel like this? Any advice on better time and stress management?

thunderstorm

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 5:22 pm

I also get very overwhelmed, but I have certain rules for myself...I train myself to think that Shabbos is coming by 12 noon on Friday...that way I start most of my cooking on Thursday evening and do the final food prep at 6 am Friday morning...while the food cooks on Thursday and Friday I straighten up, dust, wash, sweep, wash floors, clean toilets etc. I set the table on Thursday evening and prepare my lecht Thursday night as well...so even though I'm high strung and stressed as I prepare...at least by 12 noon I can relax until Shabbos.
I bathe all children Friday morning BEFORE they go to school (in the winter time)

mfb

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 5:43 pm

I cook most things on thursday. That's how I save my sanity. Also if possible every week make doubles or triples of one thing and freeze it for when you aree extra rushed.

Eta: I have to say the stress goes down as the years go on.

Last edited by mfb on Thu, Dec 17 2015, 5:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

5mom

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 5:43 pm

How long have you been making shabbos? I was rushed and stressed early in my marriage. Now I'm one of those people who relaxes and reviews the parsha on Friday afternoon.

Soup can be made in bulk and frozen. Same for challah if you bake your own. Find simple recipes that look good. I discovered far too late that my family is happier with roast potatoes than with potato kugel.

And if you are cooking to the last minute, so what? The food will be extra fresh! I think we are too hard on ourselves most of the time. Shabbos prep doesn't have to be effortless. It has to get done.

rainbow dash

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 5:46 pm

Wednesdays I make a list and go shopping Thursday. Wednesday or thursday I bath the kids, Wednesday my cleaner comes. Thursday I do all the cooking except for the cholent and fish. Before I go to bed I try to organise the lounge, entry and kitchen.

Friday I get the food on the blech 2 hrs before shabbos and clean the kitchen. In the morning I fix up the bedrooms.

Then just before shabbos my dh comes home from shopping and leaves everything in the front.

And during the week I dream about not being on time for shabbos. That its after lighting and nothing is ready. So go figure.

ra_mom

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 6:07 pm

I shop and cook half on Wednesday.
Clean and cook other half on Thursday.
Put up the final dishes that need to be fresh Friday (but there's no prep or cleaning involved in those dishes as that's done Wednesday / Thursday and they then wait in the fridge ready for cooking).
Only way I can manage!

Shira1

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 6:21 pm

I learned over the years to use & enjoy my freezer. Most food, if stored right, will come out perfectly fine from the freezer and nobody will feel any difference. So I cook every Thu whatever has to be fresh but the rest I take out from the freezer. I work during the week incl Friday so for me that works the best. I think today I'm so used to it that even if I'd stop working I'd continue that way. It's very relaxing, nothing is missing of the meal, and everything tastes delicious!
Good luck op.

amother

Azure

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 6:39 pm

1. Keep it simple. You don't need 8 dips on the table.
2. Clean as you go so it doesn't pile up.
3. Do things on wednesday or thursday. I like very fresh food, but there are always things that you can make ahead. Bake and freeze. Or at least get all your meat and chicken marinated so it's just a matter of sliding into the oven. Cut up veggies thurs for friday cooking. Set your dinning room table thursday.
4. Always, always shower and dress early friday. It is awful leaving it for last minute and feeling like a shmatta.
5. Certain things take very little more time and mess to make double. I like to do double soup and double cakes/ cookies since these things freeze well. Half goes in freezer for next shabbos. Less work that week.

PinkFridge

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 6:42 pm

You talk about cooking and hosting. On one hand, I'm tempted to say maybe cut back on the hosting. OTOH since you talk going on to the last minute, it might not make a difference.
Here's what I suggest.
Tomorrow, try to be a non-judgmental observer. Jot down what you do, food-wise and otherwise and when.
AFTER Shabbos, study your list. Ask yourself:
- Could I have made this dish earlier and frozen or refrigerated it?
- Could I have done this laundry earlier in the week?
- Could I have deep-cleaned earlier and just done a swipe erev Shabbos?
- Do I have kids and where do they fit in? Can they get by with a Thursday night shower and then - this is great chinuch - washing their hands and face in warm water erev Shabbos afternoon, as per the Mishnah Brurah? Can we have a time at which muktzah toys are off limits?
- What is my husband's schedule? Does he help and are his jobs fairly delineated, I.e. he's the one who takes care of the clutter, does toilet paper, etc.? Could he do any of his jobs earlier in the week?

But back to cooking, since it's the biggie.
- See what you can make earlier and refrigerate. Kugel can be made on Wednesday (or earlier and frozen). Try marinated or cooked salads you can make on Thursday. Do you have a freezer?
- Simplify. Make a grain from a five minute box mix. That kind of thing.
- Perception is reality. It may only take you seven minutes to prep your chicken but if you prep it earlier in the week raw and freeze it - and remember to put it in the oven 20 minutes or so earlier - you'll feel that much more relaxed.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

spring13

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 7:23 pm

I keep meals to a formula, so I don't go crazy making thousands of things. If it's just family, then my menu is pretty much
1. chicken/meat
2. starch
3. vegetable.
4. Optional - soup.

If I'm having guests, then it's
1. Soup/appetizer (just one, not both!),
2. chicken/meat
3. starch
4. cooked vegetable
5. salad
6. dessert

I only do extra things if I really feel like I have time (which is pretty much never) or if there's a guest with extra dietary needs. Maybe cholent for lunch if we're having guests, but often not. I don't think people go hungry with fewer options if the options themselves are yummy. And most of my favorite recipes aren't labor-intensive.

If it's just my family, I often just make one-pot chicken and rice or Asian chicken soup (with lots of veg and noodles in it). Not as much prep, but really good.

I love to cook ahead and freeze, but I don't always pull it off. I usually bake challah, but my recipe is in the bread machine and makes just two big or 3 medium loaves, so it's not a huge time commitment. If it's just my family, I have an extra one to freeze. Buy hummus and babaganoush from the store and you're set.

Also, I don't usually try to make enough for leftovers, unless it's a kugel recipe or something that will automatically be more than my family of 4 will consume in one meal. My MIL likes to make huge vats of food no matter how many people are coming, and then puts it away for weeknights. But then she spends Friday up to the very last minute dealing with the huge vats of food, and then hours after the meal are spent putting extras away. I'd rather just have pasta during the week, and I hate when leftovers don't get eaten.

animeme

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 7:26 pm

Pick a few things and do a freezing/cooking rotation. Week 1 you make theee weeks worth of challah. Week two, potato kugel. Week 3, schnitzel. Or whatever you do.

Set the table and leichter early only if they will survive. It is frustrating to have to redo what gets undone. Know your house. For a good five years, I put the challah board and challah on the table only, smack in the middle for safety, until dh got home from school. Then he took over the kids and I set the table. Any earlier and the kids would pull it all apart. And yes, I have been hosted and gotten to the house with an unset table. I helped, or the men did it while we watched the kids. So you can do this with guests too as necessary.

MiracleMama

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 7:27 pm

amother wrote:

I agree with all suggestions except that I also am rushing right before shabbos bec even if I make food in advance and clean/shower....in advance
. I hav to put up soup Las min and other foods so that it will be warm for meal --I can't he's soup up Fri morning!!

No, but you can have it fully cooked and in the pot so all you are doing is moving it from the fridge to the burner. That takes seconds.

amother

Smokey

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 7:47 pm

Op here, thanks for all your advice and tips!! They will all help me!
The problem is that I have a little baby who needs constant attention and looking after so it always puts me back a few hours. It's just so hard. Sometimes my husband tells me that we shouldn't make Shabbos this week simply because he's burnt out from how stressed I get, it's an awful feeling!

amother

Lemon

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 7:50 pm

put small roaster chicken in crock pot, splash some vinegar and garlic powder . Close lid. Cook up some rice in a tin tray in oven day before. Chop salad Shabbos morning. Jarred herring for fish. Grapes and stella doro cookies. Store bought challah and pita.= Shabbos day meal

Friday- Steak, baked potatoes, microwave spinach or peas.

Thats my easy and delcious Shabbos.

amother

Black

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 8:12 pm

I get stressed also but mostly because ei have the minyan by my house so I need to have everything clean and light about 10 minutes early.
I make challah in bulk
Shop on Wednesday
Cook most on Thursday
Friday make cholent. Popcoen. And last minute things.
Bathe kids at some point in afternoon.
Cleaner comes friday afternoon so I have her clean up after the mess was made.
I get super stressed I just try to be 100% ready an hour before shabbos.

pesek zman

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 8:24 pm

amother wrote:

Get in the habit of cooking when the baby is sleeping. Period. The end