Completely overwhelmed every time I make Shabbos!

cbg

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 8:30 pm

When I was in seminary, our dorm mother told us that her family immigrated from Russia to Eretz Yisrael when she was 5 years. When they moved to Yerushalayim, candle lighting was 45 minutes earlier. Her father had a rule that everyone had to be completely ready 1 hrs before candle lighting (that means 1 hour 45 minutes before Shabbat) The family would then sit in the kitchen and have cake and tea.

That being said, this is what I do.
Prepare challah dough Sunday or Monday, enough for four weeks. Freeze dough raw but already shaped.
I invite guests on Monday so I know if I need to prepare something special
Make a menu and shopping list on Tuesday
Go shopping and wash linens on Wednesday.
Cook on Thursday night, after dinner. Everything fish, salads, dressing separate, mains, sides veg and starch. Some dishes I sometimes double and freeze.
Take the challah dough out of the freezer into the fridge on Thursday night.
Friday Cleaning lady cleans, sets table, and cuts fruit
I bake the challah, dress the salads and set the food to be warmed.

I do not bake desserts. Usually my guests bring a dessert.

One hour before Shabbat I am sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee.

My friend has doors that she can close off her dining room. She cleans and sets the dining room on Sunday. Her dishes go straight from the dishwasher to the table.

Ashrei

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 8:45 pm

Bizzydizzymommy wrote:

I also get very overwhelmed, but I have certain rules for myself...I train myself to think that Shabbos is coming by 12 noon on Friday...that way I start most of my cooking on Thursday evening and do the final food prep at 6 am Friday morning...while the food cooks on Thursday and Friday I straighten up, dust, wash, sweep, wash floors, clean toilets etc. I set the table on Thursday evening and prepare my lecht Thursday night as well...so even though I'm high strung and stressed as I prepare...at least by 12 noon I can relax until Shabbos.
I bathe all children Friday morning BEFORE they go to school (in the winter time)

you're my hero

pause

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 8:55 pm

I cook everything except potato kugel on Thursday. Some things I cook in bulk whenever I have time during the week and freeze in small portions, for example, knaidlach, lukshen, kishke for cholent, techina, challa.

I bathe my kids Thursday evenings during the short winter Fridays.

I clean Thursday night and Friday. I set the table either Thursday night or Friday depending on when I have more time. I am usually done by 12:00-1:00 on Friday and we either go out with the kids (so that the house doesn't get messy again) or I take a nap (in which case I can handle the mess. I shower myself closer to Shabbas and DH usually prepares the blech and warms up the challa half-hour before the zman.

PinkFridge

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 9:18 pm

amother wrote:

Op here, thanks for all your advice and tips!! They will all help me!
The problem is that I have a little baby who needs constant attention and looking after so it always puts me back a few hours. It's just so hard. Sometimes my husband tells me that we shouldn't make Shabbos this week simply because he's burnt out from how stressed I get, it's an awful feeling!

Those years are a blur. There were times I took my kids to a sitter on erev Shabbos, especially after my husband left kollel so had no time erev Shabbos to help (though when in kollel he had an erev Shabbos job so his availability was limited).
Your baby's little, but permit me to project into the future: how do you want your children to remember Shabbos when they're little (because erev Shabbos is very much a part of it)? My kids, b"H have pretty good feelings about Shabbos. Yeah, there was the Shabbos party, and cereal and treats and outings to playgrounds, but they don't remember feeling that getting to Shabbos was as tense as some other homes they knew. And I didn't have the skill set I wish I would have. Somehow it worked.
After all this, you might still find yourself harried on erev Shabbos, but try to project happy, "we 'get' to make Shabbos vs. we 'have' to make Shabbos" facilitator of this great gift and cornerstone of our lives.

Hatzlacha!!!!

gold21

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 9:25 pm

Keep your Shabbos meals SIMPLE.
How much food do we really need to eat anyways. Do away with the excess. Your stomach will thank you for it. (Huge meals=stomach aches)

If u don't have time to make potato kugel, make rice pilaf from the Near East brand. You can sautee broccoli florets with an onion as your warm veggie. Keep the shabbos chicken simple. Cholent is easy. Deli roll is super easy for Shabbos day by the way. Salad can be made after licht bentching. I buy chicken soup from the takeout store just cuz its sooo yum- and time saving.

Anyway, so we really don't need (or want) huge meals. It's so unhealthy. Keep it fresh, yummy, and simple.

Every time I stress out over how I don't have enough time to cook, my husband says " We don't need so much food! Why do we need to get stomach aches." Lol Tongue Out

he's so right, oh my gosh. I so don't buy into the culture of outdoing each other with elaborate shabbos meals, thats not a message I want to pass on to my children. Making shabbos should be uncomplicated and pleasant. That's the message I'm hoping to pass on. You won't find me yelling or panicking on erev shabbos. I do work hard but not in a pressured way.

Also, I rarely host. Too much work. If I do decide to get together with a friend for a meal, we generally go potluck. But, I always say, why do we have to hang out over food? Let's shmooze in the afternoon, no food required. Except nosh. Lol. And we do. We hang out after lunch is over. Tongue Out

BH.

Last edited by gold21 on Thu, Dec 17 2015, 9:51 pm; edited 6 times in total

amother

Azure

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 9:31 pm

cog wrote:

My friend has doors that she can close off her dining room. She cleans and sets the dining room on Sunday. Her dishes go straight from the dishwasher to the table.

I tried that once. My dishes were covered in dust by tuesday. Does she cover everything with plastic? Do other people's homes not get dusty?

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Dec 17 2015, 9:50 pm

I used to have hard Fridays when I had 1 or 2 kids. The house was a mess, kids constantly needed me, cooking was never done and then the kitchen was a disaster 2 hours b4 shabbos.

Then I had a brainstorm.

I cooked the whole shabbos on Wednesday afternoon/evening.

Thursday I cleaned the house and even set the table.

Instead of waking up on Fri. morning with a dreaded feeling, I woke up to a neat house with the shabbos table set!

Tips about cooking on Wednesday:

prepare your chicken in the pan with spices but don't bake it until Friday.

pot your chulent and just plug in crock pot on Fri. morning

Fish, soup and kugel all taste delicious on shabbos when prepared on wednesday... I was worried about that but no need to worry at all.

When I had a sick baby (or 2) and I was working ... I used to put up a small pot of chicken soup. That was our meal. First soup with croutons, then chicken from the soup with veggies and sliced pickles. Believe me, we weren't hungry. Not after challah and fish. For dessert, sorbet from the freezer.

I hope this helps you.

I have quick and delicious recipes for fish, a small soup, small kugel and chicken if that would help you.

In total, cooking for shabbos just for a couple should not take more than 2 hours.

boymom

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:05 am

I only manage cuz of my freezer.

things I freeze:
double batch of kneidlech.
soup lukshin- make a whole pack and store in sandwhich bags enough for a shabbos.
farfel.
used to freeze chicken soup, but now I make fresh and use for thurs supper.
potato kugel- I make 4 at a time and freeze.
make a batch of crumbs for apple or cherry pie and use a little every week.
deli turnovers for Friday night- we don't like chicken or steak at the end of the meal.
lukshen kugel.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 12:32 am

amother wrote:

4. Always, always shower and dress early friday. It is awful leaving it for last minute and feeling like a shmatta.
.

Here I disagree. If I showered Friday morning I'd feel like a shmatta by candlelighting, and if not then, by Shabbos morning for sure. If you can take only one shower on Friday--many people take two, one before work and another in the afternoon--it should be later in the day, after all the major work is done.

Raisin

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 5:13 am

I don't find it easier to do things earlier in the week since I have other stuff to do then.

But

I shop on wednesday. Order online fresh fruit and veg that is delivered friday morning.

I try and do dessert thursday night but it doesn't always happen...

I have guests every week and this is what I make

Homemade challa

gefilta fish
dips (make one buy the rest)
fresh salad

or

chicken soup with knaidlich

baked chicken
green beans
2 side dishes different every week

side dishes are rice, crunchy roast potatoes, roast sweet potatoes and parsnip, roast baby potatoes with rosemary, orzo, butternut squash kugel, potato kugel (I make in big batches and freeze), mashed potatos, sweet chili roast sweet potatoes with cashews. Also other things I make less often.

Dessert - brownies, cake, pies. I usually freeze some for another week.

My cleaning lady comes friday afternoon and cleans up and sometimes helps peel veggies while I put the last few things in the oven. I try and have a bath every friday afternoon. I aim to be finished about an hour and half before shabbos.

If I wouldn't make challa and dessert my menu could be made pretty quickly.

amother

Blush

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 5:48 am

One piece of advice I once saw is give yourself early cutoffs (like 1 hr before shabbos) and whatever's not done by then, you force yourself to do without...

So if you didn't get to dessert by that time, you'll pull ice cream out of the freezer for dessert instead of the cake you were planning. Maybe your chicken sauce gets cancelled and you do a shake n bake instead. And if dishes didn't get done by the cutoff, they get hidden in the oven until after shabbos. That leaves the last minute crunch/stress time for things that really must be done then.

And as tempting as it is, if you feel like you have an extra 10 minutes, DON'T "just throw together one more thing". Force yourself to relax instead.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 10:50 am

Monday invite guests
Tuesday write list and menu
Wednesday shop
Thursday cook
Thursday everyone showers
Friday clean up

Menu is simple:

Friday night just us- challah, soup, chicken, veggies, rice

Shabbos day with guests
fish
dips (store bought)
challah
salad
cholent
kugal
grilled veggies
deli roll
cake
ice cream

HonesttoGod

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 11:55 am

Bulk Bulk Bulk.

Once in 4 weeks I cook shabbos.
Put up a huge pot of soup late Thursday night - divide it into containers per week (I usually get 3-4 weeks) and freeze.
Potato Kugel - make a double batch, split into 4 containers and freeze.
Roast Chicken - buy the 2 chickens split into 4 packs (or even two). Each pack makes 2 9x13" containers. Pour duck sauce over or grape juice or cola, spice and stick in the oven for 2 hours. I get 2-3 nights supper out of this (friday night + sunday + monday, depending on how many guests I have).

The only thing I make fresh each week is salads and fish (only if we have guests otherwise we don't eat fish). Ocasionally I like to mix it up so I will make something fancy for guests. We are not big eaters and I don't have a large family but I love cooking for my freezer. It's what keeps me sane.

lfab

Fri, Dec 18 2015, 1:23 pm

My rule is if it's not done on Thursday night then it's not getting done. Period. End of story. Occasionally, in the summer months I'll throw together a salad on Friday afternoon. In the winter months kids are bathed Thursday night. I don't get home from work until about 3:30 so in the winter there just isn't much time to do anything. My husband, who is home Friday's, defrosts the soup so when I get home I just have to boil it. I cook as much as possible in bulk-soup, challah, kugels, cake, etc. and freeze.
In your situation, OP, it sounds like it might be best or you to try to do as much as possible Thursday evening when DH is around to help with the baby.

Another mom

Sat, Dec 19 2015, 2:58 pm

OK- I'm married many years and still finish last minute (at least in the winter).... I can't push myself on Thurs. as I do on Friday. At least the kids are big so I don't have to shower them. I do most of the shopping on Thursday but Fri is cooking day. When my girls are home they help BH. Don't think I can change but you never know...

ora_43

Sat, Dec 19 2015, 3:22 pm

Advice in no particular order

- Keep things simple. (eg chicken baked with bbq sauce, not chicken that's lightly braised in a frying pan while you cook a 10-ingredient sauce separately, etc)

- Kitchen devices. Eg, get a rice maker for rice.

- Take a few extra minutes one week to figure out how long it really takes you to do things. How long does it take to make soup? to wipe down the counters? etc. Then write out a schedule yourself. Eg "1-1:30 make soup, 1:30-2 wipe down counters and mop floor." Take interruptions into account (ie leave time to deal with a crying baby, take phone calls, etc). Making a schedule is a bit of a pain but a schedule you make yourself will be most suited to your needs.

- If you're having guests over, have them bring something. If they don't keep kosher, it can be premade desserts or dips.

- Have frozen food in case of emergency. Eg chicken shnitzel. Then you always know that, worst case scenario, you'll still have something to eat. (This doesn't help with prep, but can reduce stress)

- Re: stress, come up with a line you can repeat to yourself. Eg "We already have challah and chicken, anything else we can live without," or "This kugel is not as important as my shalom bayit." Whatever works for you. Repeat to self as necessary. Remember to eat and drink on Friday afternoon.

***
I'm always working until the last minute. I think some people are just like that, we like to cram in as much as possible before the deadline. So you might never get to the point of lighting candles early. As long as you get the important stuff done with a bit of time to spare, rushing around to the last minute doesn't have to be horrible and stressful.

juggling

Sat, Dec 19 2015, 3:24 pm

Another mom wrote:

I pretty much could have written your post! Although I do shopping earlier in the week, and I generally aim to cook Thursday (but often don't manage to).

For me, anyway, it isn't just a Shabbos thing. My household management all week is a mess. Getting everything done is just a challenge! I often don't get to cooking Thursday, because I am too busy tying up loose ends from the beginning of the week.

But I enjoy reading these threads, because I really want to change. I am always looking for inspiration, and some new ideas.