Wwyd if you DC (18 months) came home from playgroup bitten?

MagentaYenta

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 11:25 pm

amother wrote:

well, that would be taught as you are using your mouth for something bad, now take something in your mouth thats bad-tasting. I honestly dont know if shed ever get that. I am going to have her evaluated for speech, but I just dont know if that would help either. but I guess it cant hurt to try

It's still aversion therapy and does little to help her learn to communicate effectively. Frankly I find this a rather dated method of parenting. The posters here have given you some good advice. Wise up and take it. Having the power to make your child uncomfortable and possibly endanger them doesn't mean its smart parenting.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 11:33 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

omg. I was just explaining how the teacher would have used it. shes not doing it, because as I said, she asked me quite awhile ago if she can. at that point I was feeling guilty & said yes because I wanted to show that I am trying to discipline. I was actually a drop uncomfortable with it but I told the teacher she can try it one time and well see what happens. she hardly bites at home, so I can hardly discipline her at home. teacher never ended up trying it
I was the one who actually brought up speech therapy. I said they want me to get her evaluated. I didnt know if it would help, esp because she is pretty good in the speech dept but I did mention that I will try it
no need to get nasty at me. I obviously asked because I wanted advice, and I got advice, and I will take what I want. I was told by a friend to bite her back. let me tell you, I have 100% power to bite her and give her pain. I would never in my life do such a thing. I am not a bad parent.
if you want to answer nasty, please dont post it on this thread, im emotional enough about her biting as is, and as much as I talk into myself that it is not my fault, I still feel 100% guilty
please only respond kindly

MagentaYenta

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 11:52 pm

amother wrote:

I'm posting from my adult, I'm using words to communicate with you. It's been already noted by others that there is insufficient supervision for the number of children being cared for. If the child is going to continue in this environment it's your job to at least attempt to give them words to express themselves. Can you just imagine their frustration?

Take some time to give your child words to identify thoughts and feelings. Use imaginative play with dolls and props to example feelings and responses. Kids this age bite. Teaching them how to appropriately communicate is something you can help do to solve the problem. There's tons of creative help for this problem on the internet.

Now stick a fork in me cause I'm done.

Last edited by MagentaYenta on Tue, Jan 05 2016, 12:27 am; edited 1 time in total

smss

Mon, Jan 04 2016, 11:54 pm

amother wrote:

wow! 1st of all, where do you live? where I live, a 1:6 ratio is the norm for that age
2nd of all, my DC is very social, has tons of fun by her morah & with all her friends-yes shes friends with everyone at her playgroup, I guess besides that 1 kid, and shed be miserable home alone with just 1 adult
3rd of all, I wish I could afford a private babysitter!

Could YOU responsibly care for six 18-month-olds at once? I know I couldn't, so I would never entrust my child to someone who was attempting to.

It's just not possible. They are BABIES. It might be the norm where you live, but that doesn't make it a normal situation. I mean, if I were in your DD's shoes I'd bite too. Someone is constantly grabbing her toys and no adults are helping. Even if she does learn how to "use her words" does that mean the other baby will listen?

No one is really at fault here. This definitely doesn't show you're a bad parent. It's just a totally natural response to the situation she's in.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 12:09 am

I don't think there's "insufficient supervision." Even an adult per 3 children can hardly prevent biting from taking place. Kids bite. It happens. And unless an adult is breathing down each child's back every single minute, I don't think this can realistically be prevented 100% of the time. I've had children in such an environment and they've all been extremely happy. Teacher was very good at having a day with lots of structure: free play, snack time, "exercise," nap time, etc. The kids all seemed very happy and well cared for when pick up time came around.

So op, I, for one, don't think you're neglecting your child by having the kid in such an environment, though of course I agree that you should try to see what you can do about it (as you're obviously doing). Some kids just begin speaking later and have more frustration since they cannot express themselves well. I second the idea of looking through picture books and using a lot of emotion words. You can also role play how the child would react when a toy is taken away. The teacher can try to keep the two kids apart as much as possible... All good ideas. And Be'ezras Hashem, hopefully this stage will pass soon!

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 3:10 am

Is the biting causing any lasting damage or trauma? I wouldn't get too worried unless your child was at serious risk.

Obviously, DC keeps interacting with the biter, so is not too put off by it. Getting bit is a natural consequence for messing with a kid who needs their space. Personally, I would let them be.j

I bit my little sister a lot, and as long as I didn't break skin or really create a meltdown, my parents let us sort it out. Pretty soon, my sister started biting back, and very shortly after that we both quit. It wasn't fun, we weren't communicating, and it just plain didn't work for us, so we found a way to sort ourselves out.

Not everything needs to be micromanaged by parents and teachers. Trial and error is the best way for kids to learn. I know it's hard to watch, but if DC is going off to playgroup happily, and coming home happy, then I'd say that everything is fine.

Queen6

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 6:07 am

I find it funny that biting is such a big THING. Had they pulled hair or pinched or pushed everyone would have said sorry, made nice, continued with their play and no one would know. Since the kid comes home with bite marks all of a sudden everyone's going nuts.
Welcome to toddlers they fight! The world will continue moving along and your child will become a stronger child Smile

luppamom

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 6:28 am

Queen6 wrote:

Biting is particularly concerning b/c a bite w/ broken skin can cause an infection. But, I'd think the bite would have to be pretty hard to accomplish this. I can't imagine an 18 mo. old successfully doing this.

amother

Gray

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 6:42 am

Sorry but if my child were coming home being bit and more than once and by the same child then I'd be extremely upset and would demand that the childcare prevent this. If not, then the biter shouldn't be allowed in playgroup without constant supervision.

Biting is different. There is a risk of infection. And it really hurts. And what does it teach the child being bitten? That adults who are supposed to take care of you cannot manage a recurring known unsafe situation from happening repeatedly. Not okay. (not to mention what it teaches the "biter". But it is not an equally stressful situation.)

It's tough being the mother of the biter and it's also tough being the mother of the bitee.

I would get on top of this situation urgently before it escalates and causes bigger problems.

Ema of 5

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 7:06 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

It wasn't noted by others, it was mentioned by one person, and op said that's pretty typical where she lives. I work in a play group and we have 10-12 kids on a regular basis, with two Moros. I'm not sure what is so outrageous about that.

Quote:

Take some time to give your child words to identify thoughts and feelings. Use imaginative play with dolls and props to example feelings and responses. Kids this age bite. Teaching them how to appropriately communicate is something you can help do to solve the problem. There's tons of creative help for this problem on the internet.

This is some very good advice. OP, when the Morah sees that it's about to happen or had just happened, she needs to tell your daughter that it's not ok to bite, and also tell her what to tell this other kid. If your child is responding to someone bothering her, of course you have the right to mention disciplining the other child!!! In out playgroup, we tell the taker that "we can only play with the toys that other kinder lack are not playing with." The other kid also needs to learn appropriate behavior. What they are both doing is age appropriate, but that doesn't mean that it's RIGHT or that they shouldn't be taught the right thing to do.

Quote:

Now stick a fork in me cause I'm done.

This was just not nice and not necessary.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 7:18 am

Ok eema of 3, you said it all so well! I actually like every single thing you said! I was upset I even posted because people take 1 thing you say & think they know exactly how your parenting skills are, your personality, etc, from just 1 post. I was starting to realize why the last time I logged on was at least 3 months ago. You made me appreciate what imamother is here for. Thank you!
I am pretty skilled in floortime & as much as I don't want to take any advice from someone who was nasty like that, I AM A GOOD MOTHER, as opposed to what she thinks, and I will take her advice & see if it helps the situation. (I have been doing similar things, but only once in awhile. Now I will do it religiously)

Ema of 5

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 7:22 am

amother wrote:

I'm happy I was able to help you :-) you sound like a very caring mother!! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise :-)
One last thing I can say, and then I have to get my kids up for school, is that if your child's speech is age appropriate, I wouldn't count on getting therapy. It would be nice, and definitely beneficial, but don't count on your daughter qualifying.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jan 05 2016, 10:10 am

I feel terrible for you Op. it's a really hard situation. But please really be firm if you ever see it at home. I had a relative that use to bite and their parents did not make enough of a big deal out of it when it happened. So the child is still 4 and biting. Now biting won't happen that often at home because they are probably not having their toys taken away as much and may even be an only child. But even that one time it happens make sure you make the biggest deal out of it so you can stop this behavior. good luck