Are all kids ungrateful?

Chayalle

Thu, Jan 14 2016, 10:32 am

When I was little, my grandmother A"H used to tell me the following folk tale:

An eagle was flying her young, carrying them over the sea. Mid-flight she asked the oldest, why should I carry you over the water?

The little bird said "because I am your little bird!" The eagle dropped her into the sea.

The next bird said "because you are supposed to carry me!" The eagle dropped her into the sea.

The next bird said "because when I grow up I will carry my young over the sea, just as you are doing now" and the eagle carried her across.

groisamomma

Thu, Jan 14 2016, 10:40 am

At the end of the day, it can be hard when kids are constantly complaining. I don't think it's coming from ungratefulness; it might just be the only way the child knows how to express themselves.

Modeling is nice. It's effective too most of the time. Sometimes telling the child, "when you come up with a way for us to fix this please come and get it from me" works too. Not having the original item, privilege, whatever makes them happy with it when they get it back. It's not a punishment, it's being positive. They don't have it taken away, they are given the choice to have it when they or you come up with a solution. Again, I don't think it's being ungrateful necessarily.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jan 14 2016, 10:46 am

I didnt read the threads, but I think it's in the nature.
My oldest is of a negative nature , kvetches and complains a lot (but he'll occasionally buy me a gift with his own money or write me a thank you note for the hard work I do) Other times he acts like an ungrateful teenager (but I have hopes he'll grow out of it one day)

My youngest child though, is five and naturally has a thing for showing appreciation. No one has to tell him anything. If you give him a drink he'll say "Thanks Mommy, that was such a delicious drink you gave me" or Thank You for taking out such an interesting book from the library...etc. He thanks me, my DH, his babysitter, his grandparents...People are amazed, because it's so unexpected from such a young child, to be so thankful...

I have long learned it's nice to feel appreciated but we are not mothers to get appreciation, we are mothers to nurture our children unconditionally and the appreciation is just a bonus if you get it.

GAP

Thu, Jan 14 2016, 11:09 am

Appreciation can be learned and should be modeled by adults in the child's life. Children who get rewarded or attention for complaining will continue to be complainers. Children who see how their parents and other adults express appreciation will be quick to emulate that behavior. Of course, we are going to fulfill our role as a mother even if our children aren't appreciative. Teaching our children gratefulness is not for our own validation. It's a middah and it's our job to teach and instill this middah in our children. I'm more shocked about the lack of appreciation I see from grown adults lately and the sense of entitlement people have. It's actually refreshing to find an adult who expresses gratefulness once in while. I'm even surprised about the threads on here how so many people think it isn't necessary to tip teachers, mailmen and garbage collectors. So it's no wonder that our children are not grateful.

Ruchel

Fri, Jan 15 2016, 6:20 am

There's this La Fontaine fable about the eagle carrying its youth above the sea. Every time the eagle asks "will you do it for me when I'm old" and the kid lies "yes" and gets dropped Sad

then one honest answers "no but I'll do for my own" and this one gets kept!