Motivating parents

mushroom caps

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:11 pm

having a very similar issue. A student who is completely dysfunctional, depressed even, and a mother who refuses to know anything about it. she refuses all meetings with the school, refuses to help her daughter, and gets extremely upset at us when we suggest that she may need help going so far as to blaming us the teachers and school. Extremely frustrating. This is a kid who is behind in all developmental domains and with the proper help could flourish, she has tons of potential. But we are limited without mothers consent or support.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:14 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

op, most parents care. they don't care to do everything recommended by the teachers because the recommendations are unrealistic and unfair to the kids. the kids are in school for the majority of their day. they need time at home to unwind and be kids. perhaps you can post what kind of activities you want to motivate parents to do with their kids? some of them may be doable, but some may be worth ignoring.

I want them to care when I tell them their child is not working in class. I want them to care when I tell them their child is not doing the thirty minutes of homework a week.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:22 pm

amother wrote:

How do you reach the students without parent support? I can promise a prize to get them to do a specific assignment, but this gets too be expensive.

What age is this?

Assignments can be made interesting enough to engage them. This should be your goal.

The effects of extrinsic motivations are short-term so I wouldn't make that the main focus. They can earn points towards free examples on the test. They can work towards treats that don't cost money but are even more valued, like a ballgame the last ten minutes of classtime.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:30 pm

regarding the child that is depressed. maybe give the parents an ultimatum that by so and so time this child has to be evaluated and some therapy has to be going on. thats what the school did with my daughter while she was living with my ex. and it worked. my dd got the therapy she needed. and today she is much happier.

this looks like a situation of a parent that isnt educated with what these issues are like and is very against therapy and evaluation. its a certain type of mentality. speak to the parent and try to understand why they wont go.

there is a reason. try to understand and try to explain. with me it all depended how it was worded. if it was spoken with professionalism I was able to hear it. but when there was this unqualified staff member coming to me I would get all defensive.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:30 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

Or, because they actually don't care.
Parents have told me before that they "don't really believe in Judaic Studies" so they "don't really care" if their child does her homework or not. Direct quote.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:41 pm

regarding making an ultimatum my ex was told that by so and so time the child needs to be evaluated and only then can the child come to school. he needed to see the school was serious so he tried ignoring the school and they sent her home. ok this is extreme, you talking about someone that is totally not following authority.

I get hes not the norm. but I am sure the ultimatum and trying to understand the parent and explain it to them so they get more comfortable its the route.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 7:42 pm

OP, I don't have an answer for you.
But before you feel like throwing in the towel because you're not seeing the results you - I have every reason to assume - appropriately expect to, don't discount the effect you're having on the students and think of the big picture.
If your classroom is a happy place (I think fun has its place in school but I don't think school should be fun. It SHOULD be happy.) and the kids still have the opportunity to learn, even if what goes on in class isn't always reinforced, and even if their parents aren't always there for them as they should be, they may well still feel positive about school and education and teachers, and they will gain something.

Are there any other teachers, principals who can help?
Would something like this work: A homework folder that should be signed weekly (maybe on the weekly newsletter) and prizes offered for having it signed at least 2x/month?

MagentaYenta

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

I often wonder about the dependence on xntrinsic motivations when I read on Ima. For the short term kids get an unhealthy treat, but these treats do nothing to get the kids interested in the subject matter. It's merely a conditioned behavior.

Last edited by MagentaYenta on Sun, Jan 17 2016, 8:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

mummiedearest

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 8:41 pm

amother wrote:

I want them to care when I tell them their child is not working in class. I want them to care when I tell them their child is not doing the thirty minutes of homework a week.

thirty minutes of homework a week: is this homework the child can legitimately do on her own? is it something the child can do 90% of on her own but needs help with the rest?

how are you telling the parents that their child doesn't work in class? have you asked about evaluations? does your school allow services during school hours?

as for the parents who "don't care about judaic studies," there are those who truly don't care, but there are also those who are not interested in having their kids graded on these subjects. if the child doesn't work in class, you can believe that it's unlikely the kid willingly does her homework. a nightly fight after the child has been in school for a LONG day, in which the child has difficulties, etc., is likely to end (or begin) with a meltdown on the part of the child. as a parent of kids who have a hard time participating in class, I suggest you ask the parents how the child reacts to homework, how long it takes her to finish, and whether the parents would like to leave homework alone for a while to see if the child's ability to function in school approves. keep in mind that your student likely has other kids in her family and probably can't get the attention she wants when it comes to homework. no matter how many kids you personally have and manage to do homework with, other houses with less kids will still have more difficulty. does your school have a resource room this child could make use of? consider sending her there for homework help during the hardest part of the day. let her finish her homework in school and praise her for it. ask the parents how you can work with them. they can't make their child work in class. they may have helpful suggestions, but until they know you are open to hearing from them, they're going to stay silent. a lot of parents have been shut down by teachers way too often. if you feel the parents cannot help you, help the parents find someone to evaluate their kid. many parents feel lost when it comes to evaluations. if you don't know enough about various things to evaluate for, ask an administrator if there's an expert in the school who can observe this child and recommend evaluations to the parents.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 8:44 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

I often wonder about the dependence on intrinsic motivations when I read on Ima. For the short term kids get an unhealthy treat, but these treats do nothing to get the kids interested in the subject matter. It's merely a conditioned behavior.

I think you meant the opposite.

Extrinsic motivations like prizes and junk food are short-term. OP would do better if she motivates them with the material itself.

If she does choose extrinsic motivations there are more and better options than prizes and food.

amother

Blue

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 8:48 pm

I believe if you make it about the kid and the kid's future, most "kugel" parents listen. At least IME. Because they do care about the child in *some* way, but not the way you want them to care. Make them see that it's all the same.

It's not about the math work or the history essay. It's about having your child learn the value of hard work. Of putting yourself into the tasks that are required of you at this point in your life. Of learning to multi-task. (I teach HS, so this comes up often.) It's about an attitude of "do the best you can" in any situation, currently it's school, but if s/he's not doing it now, how will they develop this attitude in the future when it's essential?

Whenever I tell this to mothers at PTA, I usually hear "Oh, I never thought of it like that. I hear..."

amother

Lemon

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 9:27 pm

I care until the teacher starts sending home assignments for ME and not my child. Then I stop caring.
It is not my responsibility to do the research for my child's paper. But if you don't give them the tools to be able to do the research on their own (ie. Teach them how to research, give them resources. ...) then it falls on me and then I don't care anymore. And if that lack of caring shows through my child's work then that's a reflection on the teacher.
If the child needs HELP when researching then I will assist and the teacher will see a very different result.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Jan 17 2016, 11:14 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

My classroom is a happy place. I am nurturing, and the kids know I care.

I am seeing results beyond my expectations.- beyond anyone's expectations. The students achieved those results with prizes. Prizes start losing their interest after a while and the children want more. As I mentioned, they are expensive. Also, the results are only in the areas covered by the prizes. Those students that have parents cheering them on continue to make great strides. Pleasing their parents or not disappointing their parents are the motivators. Both sides of that coin work. I am able to motivate only a handful of students by pointing out that the material benefits their future; however, those students who are self motivated do not have parents that fight education.

My issue is how to get the parents on board since parental support seems to be common among the students who are making the best progress. How do you overcome parental apathy?