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Forum -> Fashion and Beauty -> Sheitels & Tichels
How to cover hair- chassidish perspective?
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 6:57 am
A hat is not a religious sensitivity, in my opinion. It's not like short sleeves or open neckline. It's something like the difference between black or beige stockings.

The poster had a right to feel touched by the gesture, as we all have a right to our feelings. I'm just wondering about the mentality, which I do not understand. As a child in a Satmar family, we never expected our non-Chassidish relatives to show up looking like us, and I don't think we'd feel pleased if someone did so, especially if there was an uneecessay purchase involved.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 7:04 am
Maya wrote:
A hat is not a religious sensitivity, in my opinion. It's not like short sleeves or open neckline. It's something like the difference between black or beige stockings.

The poster had a right to feel touched by the gesture, as we all have a right to our feelings. I'm just wondering about the mentality, which I do not understand. As a child in a Satmar family, we never expected our non-Chassidish relatives to show up looking like us, and I don't think we'd feel pleased if someone did so, especially if there was an uneecessay purchase involved.


As I mentioned earlier, I too have relatives who join simchos wearing a hat on their own hair. We never viewed it as an unecessary purchase, perhaps because wearing hats to a wedding is not that far-fetched (think of the royal wedding. Do you think the couple felt sorry for everyone who bought those ridiculously expensive pieces?)

I guess I believe in general it's a good idea to find ways to indicate respect and to appreciate such gestures. Relationships are so much more pleasant that way.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 7:05 am
Maya wrote:
A hat is not a religious sensitivity, in my opinion. It's not like short sleeves or open neckline. It's something like the difference between black or beige stockings.

The poster had a right to feel touched by the gesture, as we all have a right to our feelings. I'm just wondering about the mentality, which I do not understand. As a child in a Satmar family, we never expected our non-Chassidish relatives to show up looking like us, and I don't think we'd feel pleased if someone did so, especially if there was an uneecessay purchase involved.

A hat for a man is very much a religious sensitivity: He was covering his head.

Besides, it's a "gentlemanly" thing to wear. Wearing a hat is a sign of respectful, formal dress. Read this about the history of "hatiquette." http://www.walternelson.com/dr/hatiquette
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 7:12 am
A man covers his head with a kippah, there is no need for an additional black hat for religious reasons.

Youngishbear, the poster was talking about a man buying a black hat, not a woman who bought one to cover her hair, which is a totally different issue and one that is way more understandable than a man's black hat.

Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm just irked at the whole concept. I mean, will all my relatives come to MY simchas with colored crochet kippahs because that's what my husband wears and they want to be "respectful" to us? No they won't. They just expect us to show up with black velvet kappels to their simchas. Not the other way around.


Last edited by Maya on Wed, Jan 20 2016, 7:21 am; edited 1 time in total
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kitov




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 7:14 am
Maya wrote:
A hat is not a religious sensitivity, in my opinion. It's not like short sleeves or open neckline. It's something like the difference between black or beige stockings.

The poster had a right to feel touched by the gesture, as we all have a right to our feelings. I'm just wondering about the mentality, which I do not understand. As a child in a Satmar family, we never expected our non-Chassidish relatives to show up looking like us, and I don't think we'd feel pleased if someone did so, especially if there was an uneecessay purchase involved.
You are missing the point. It's not about a dress code or "fitting in". Noone expects a non chassidish relative to look like a chassidish clone.

OP doesn't normally cover her hair. It fits quite well in with the short sleeve, opne neckline, bare legs issue. Out of respect of her chassidish relatives, she wants to cover it without looking too odd. So she is airing her options here. Since she says she will have many more simchas with this family, she is considering investing in a decent haircovering so that she is "covered" for all simchas.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 7:26 am
Maya wrote:
A man covers his head with a kippah, there is no need for an additional black hat for religious reasons.

Youngishbear, the poster was talking about a man buying a black hat, not a woman who bought one to cover her hair, which is a totally different issue and one that is way more understandable than a man's black hat.

Either way, it doesn't matter. I'm just irked at the whole concept. I mean, will all my relatives come to MY simchas with colored crochet kippahs because that's what my husband wears and they want to be "respectful" to us? No they won't. They just expect us to show up with black velvet kappels to their simchas. Not the other way around.


I can't comment on your relatives and I'm sorry that that's happening.

I do think dressing more conservatively is a sign of respect because it's honoring someone's principles without giving up your own. No one makes a principle out of davka dressing liberally.

The only analogy I can think of where dress codes can be a matter of principle unrelated to conservative values is if someone feels strongly about animal cruelty and the chassid shows up to the simcha with his shtreimel. That would be insensitive to someone's principles. The chassid is best off wearing his black hat even if he thinks the shtreimel is a sign of respect for the honor of the simcha.
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 11:04 am
I'm MO and a number of my MO friends who have chassidish family (and lots of smachot to attend) do own a sheital, even though their normal hair covering is pretty minimal. They like being able to go and know that they will look nice and not stand out SO much. It's their "dress up hair". One friend wears hers sometimes to fancy dinner events, etc because she likes the way it looks Smile

So it is not so bizarre to own a fall or sheital just for this purpose.
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