Please help me wean my toddler!!!

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 10:38 pm

I am desperate. My 19 month old still nurses many times daily. It's worse now that he can talk, since he tells me he wants to nurse and he pulls up my shirt and scratches my neck/face until I give in. He falls asleep at night and nap time by nursing. He drinks maybe maybe 1/4 cup water and/or OJ throughout the day- he doesn't drink much at all.
He doesn't eat much, but he definitely eats.
I can't stand nursing him anymore! I'm starting to resent it and sometimes resent him! I hate myself for that!
My nipples are sore, I haven't gotten a full nights sleep for 19 months, and I feel like a prisoner.
I tried calling la leche but they didn't respond.
My doctor has no good ideas.
Please please help me wean him asap!!!!!

amother

Linen

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 10:47 pm

Sorry I have no ideas but could've written the same post.
Only difference is my daughter is 17 months. She sleeps in my bed every night from when she's born.
I try to make best out of it since I know I want nurse forever. In my mind I'm given it a maximum up until 2 years.
I'm enjoying the bounding time and know I'll have enough me alone time soon. It did get a little easier to leave her with a sitter for short period of time and I know it'll get even easier eventually.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 10:53 pm

Thanks for responding.
The thing is, I might not have alone time! I want to try ttc soon, so I might go from nursing for 19 months or more straight to being pregnant...
I really wanted 6 months to a year of having my body to myself, but looks like that may not happen. (No, I don't want to push off ttc much longer.)
I can't leave him with a babysitter at night. It's so frustrating!!!
You have a good attitude but it's hard for me to have that attitude when I'm so tired and burned out

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 11:00 pm

The old fashioned way was to put something that tasted bad on the nipples, and to have something good tasting that the child already likes eating, not a new food, nearby.

The reason the first stuffed animal was invented was exactly to substitute for the mother. A child cannot always cuddle his mother. So he does what the shrinks call "transference" and gets a relationship with the stuffed animal. That is one use of the human imagination.

No child should be allowed to scratch anybody's face at all, let alone his mother's, and as for assaulting people's clothing, er, that's not a good thing to teach somebody to do. It might not stop at you.

Lay down the law. So you will have a hard two weeks.

Do not tell your mother in law anything about this. I wouldn't involve your husbands either. Handle it yourself.

The kid is not leaving home to join a foreign military unit on the other side of the world. You can be just as close with a new level of development at the pre-school level. He and you are still very much in the same house. Don't think of this progress forward as a lessening of closeness. It isn't, at all. Obviously one aspect of bringing up children is the up part. They do indeed have to separate from us. They aren't part of us like our limbs. They know that, but they need us to say it's ok. If they don't get that permission to separate, they won't. And we have to teach them that it's the thing to do, and how to pace it. How to do it.

I don't think one should let children do anything that makes you feel icky about them. You do them no favors, no favors at all, to let them seriously disgust, anger, annoy or bug you. That is an absolute, and has nothing to do with other reasonings. If it seriously, deeply, bugs you, do not let them do it, whatever it is.

You are letting your children irritate you too much. Of course all children and even all people will irritate you to some degree sometimes, but there is such a thing as too much.

Other people don't look to you for direction, but your children have nobody else to tell them, hey, that's just not attractive, and no, you are not allowed, and no, you are not going to do that thing.

Because I don't like it.

No other reason.

You seriously owe your children this kind of direction. If it is hard for you, get peer support or something, but get it done.

manhattanmom

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 11:14 pm

been wondering the same thing. My daughter is 19 months old....she eats just about everything and drinks plenty of milk--but is dependent on me to nurse her before bed. She gets up 1 time a night--but not every night Smile

I work full time and have also gone back to school. My husband works 2 jobs...she doesn't sleep in our room--she shares a room with her big brothers but husband runs in to get her in the middle of the night on the nights she does get up and I nurse her, we are all back to sleep within 5 minutes....
Tried to stop the middle of the night feed--but she screamed for 2 hours, woke everyone up (we are in a 2 bedroom apartment) and as soon as I gave in and nursed her, she went right back to sleep.....So yes, it's easier for everyone!
I'm working on getting her to sleep without nursing....I was always so careful with my older 2 to not nruse them to sleep--and they did great in that regard! I guess I'm just significantly busier now that I'm also employed and have elementary school age children.....

The only tips I have for you is to cut out some of the day time feedings. When one of my boys was 17 months and I wanted to stop nursing I kept saying that when he slept through the night I'd stop nursing. Then one day I just stopped nursing him...and he stopped getting up at night. The very next day.

Good Luck!

Moonlight

Tue, Jan 19 2016, 11:32 pm

I think you should just cut one feeding - for the person still nursing at night, definitely cut that - and let him scream! So everyone will have one hard week. And then it will be dobe. The same thing will happen when you take away a pacifier. Or when you move the baby in with another child. You have to make the decision and everyone will have to adapt. I am sure he screamed at his Bris too. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Even if he screams .
I would ask the pediatrician about dehydrating.
Would you consider starting him on chocolate milk just so he understands that some things taste better than mommy? My mother always suggested that but I never did it
When you start resenting nursing, it is time to stop.

Rrs123

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 3:04 am

This is what I did for my 18 month old. (I was 4 month preg)
I told him "we are only nursing till 10" I counted till ten and then I stopped.

when he wanted more, I warmed up milk in a bottle and added honey to make it sweet. I held him in a nursing position and let him "nurse" the bottle.

To be honest, it really didn't work. But I HAD to stop nursing. I let him screem. My husband had to put him to leap 3 times a day and I would take walks with him at 6 in the morning to get him distracted. It was terrible... but past.

When the new baby came he asked to nurse so I let him nurse till 10. He said he didn't like it and he never asked again.

amother

Puce

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 8:29 am

amother wrote:

But how should I cut it out? What to do when he screams and scratches me? And How bad is it if I completely stop nursing all at once?

If you want you can just stop cold turkey. He is old enough to eat regular food. Or go onto formula if you prefer. When he screams and scratches you you're going to do what you will do the rest of his life when he tantrums. Be that a time out, just ignoring it, etc. He needs to learn now that mommy runs the house. If you are really burned out, you can stop all at once. Just be aware that sometimes your body needs time to adjust and cut it out slowly. If you get physically uncomfortable you can let him nurse once a day

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 8:31 am

amother wrote:

It won't be too traumatic for him if I do it all at once?
(I'm not worried about my body, I'm pretty sure it won't be so bad, and even if it is, it's worth it to me in the long run)

boysrus

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 12:19 pm

yes it would be very traumatic if you do it cold turkey.
I have lots of experience with nursing and weaning BH, and here is my advice:

Start by cutting out one feed at a time. Offer something else instead, even if its not cows milk. Hopefully he will eventualy learn to drink cows milk too. He has to learn to drink other things, try sippy cup with water or diluted juice, try sippy cup with a straw, or little paper cup with tiny amount of drink at a time. Make a game out of it. After a couple of days cut out another feed.
You will probably eventually need to let him 'cry it out 'at night, whcich is really miserable Sad

but it has to be done. Read up on methods to cry it out, dont rush into it, and enlist your husband to help you with it.
It might take up to a month to gently wean him, but that would be the kindest, least traumatic option for him, and also better on your body.

Good luck
feel free to pM me if you want more advice on this

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 12:22 pm

boysrus wrote:

I have actually done cry it out at night, and it worked. But then we went on vacation and were away for a lot of shabbosim, so now he just goes to sleep initially but wakes up a few times. I don't want to let him cry it out until
Our schedule is normal, without us leaving town every other week.
As for skipping 1 feeding at a time: here's the thing, it's not like we have structured nursing time. I feel that if I deny him 1 feeding but let him nurse other times it will be confusing. If I just do it cold turkey, it won't be so confusing. Isn't he old enough at 19 months to be able to accept other forms of comfort, such as hugs from mommy or totty instead of nursing?

thunderstorm

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 12:30 pm

I had come down with a bacterial stomach infection that made me really sick and I needed to be put onto strong antibiotics. My baby was 15 months old and nursed around the clock. When I went to the doctor, he told me that with these meds I wouldnt be able to nurse...I was mortified, how will we manage? He took one look at my son and said "lady, this boy is big enough to drink from a cup on his own, he doesnt have to be nursed!" and with that I quit cold turkey. I thought he'd scream and cry...but he didnt...it was the best thing I had done for myself ! I always joke that had that not happened, I would still be nursing him today (tomorrow is his 10th B-Day!)

amother

Puce

Wed, Jan 20 2016, 12:32 pm

What do you mean by traumatized? Are you scared that when he is an adult he will be scarred from having stop nursing at 19 months? He will not remember by the time he is 3.
Will he cry for a few days when he wants comfort? Maybe
One tip to remember. Our pediatrician once told us that when a nursing mom goes into the baby in middle of the night, it is like putting a chocolate cake in front of a child. Even if he could do with other comforting like totty, water, teddy bear, once he sees you, he is going to screen until he gets you. It may be hard for your husband but make a rule that if baby cries during the night , Tatty goes in. I have struggled with this too and maybe after 2 hours eventually gave up and go nurse him, but if you really want to cut it out you have to take a hard week and make this firm