Just bc im on welfare doesnt mean I have to look poor

LittleDucky

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 8:39 am

Depending on where you live, large gifts must be reported if you are on any type of government program, ie welfare. This includes "tzeddakah" (quotes because a Lexus stroller is not a need, it's a want and a big splurge at that. Tzeddakah is for necessities, tomchei shabbos, medical care and the like, and things like helping kids with special needs, serious illness etc).

Not doing so is fraud- a major crime. Jail. Returning all money you basically stole from the government and every tax payer and everyone who was denied who could have qualified (especially HUD or the like where there are an exact number of slots available). And massive Chillul Hashem. How do you think it looks when you have a $1000 stroller walking into Medicaid or snap offices?

amother

Blue

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 9:59 am

amother wrote:

It is amazing that every behavior can be excused.

SHE WANTED THE BUGABOO TO TAKE OUTSIDE TO SHOW OFF. This was not because it was better for the baby. It is totally for the mother. I never heard anyone, including bugaboo users, say that the stroller benefits the baby.

I wasn't excusing the behavior. I said where I live everyone has a bugaboo and everyone wears this dumb coat. Look them up if you haven't heard of them. It's a coat that costs about $1000 and, other than the logo, I don't see what makes it better than a northface. But it's a status symbol and you're a bit of a loser if you don't have The Coat. I could afford it but I will never buy one. I'd rather be a bit of a loser and not spend 1000 on a coat that will no longer be The Coat in a couple years.

The same thing with the bugaboo. The uppababy is a much better stroller in every way and it's in a similar price range. Citiminis are comparable to bugaboos. They're better in some ways and worse in others but at least they're comparable. But neither are The Stroller. So if you get a more practical stroller for a similar, or cheaper price range, you're not cool and maybe even a neb because you don't know what's in. But if I were trying to make friends here I might try to get The Stroller and The Coat and The Narishkeit of the season.
(Btw I live in a wealthy community so no one is taking tzedaka to afford these stupidities , oops I mean luxuries).

I personally don't 'get' the pull towards these things. I think it is exceedingly dumb to try to fit into certain social circles when the sole criterion is that you oblige by their definition of materialism. But I do know that the peer pressure in these communities are extremely intense. It honestly is like that And for someone living in these communities it can be really hard to have the self confidence to not have the items that will get you approved into the 'gang'. Either you own the stuff or you're a loser (like me if I cared enough to try make friends here).

Imogen

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 11:39 am

The op entitled this thread, " doesn't mean I have to look poor".

Of course everything is relative, looking ragged and hungry in torn clothes is poor to me. Dressed in clean clothes, looking well fed and cared for is all that is needed in my book to look fine, respectable and good. The ragged person is not a lesser person to me, but obviously probably has less money and most of all less care than others . Looking " poor" is I realise after reading so many opinions on this thread is a description categorised by some as being based your community's expectations, and if you cannot fit in accordingly than a safety net exists to keep you in the fold and dressed appropriately like your peers, complete with necessary accessories.

Look how you want, do what you want, but please note, I like many other working people who have devoted my life to teaching my kids good middot, Torahdik values and most of all kavod habriot to all will emphasis to my kids beware of those whose values are focused on uniformity and show. Perhaps those leaders busy ensuring no one in the community feels ashamed they have less apparent material wealth than their neighbours at an engagement or yom tov gathering should consider opening up teaching classes for their community leaders, to try and teach Jewish values to their brethren.

Yes I am judgemental, I am honoured to do volunteering with Israeli charities treating wounded soldiers, orphaned children and the dispossessed, no pearl necklaces for engagements or bugabooboos here, BH to feed everyone and help the injured to get back on their feet and get through rehabiliation.

I do not understand, if you live in the US where some people beg on the streets for food when destitute, as the story of the homeless man in Lakewood testifies, how can certain communities provide tzedaka make sure low income families can buy luxury items?!?!?!.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 2:24 pm

amother wrote:

Exactly. I love walking through bp with my uppababy vista and yes sometimes my baby carrier (gasp) wearing my north face puff coat as people stare in disbelief like they've just passed by an alien from outer space. Best thing ever. You should all try it.

Maya

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 2:54 pm

amother wrote:

Really, people stare at you like you're an alien because you're wearing a Northface coat and pushing an Uppababy stroller? I'm the last person to defend anyone in BP, but you're just plain exaggerating.

tigerwife

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 3:03 pm

I just feel like making a PSA re all the Bugaboo hate:

Some people do not have to think twice about expenses, and actually do choose a Bugaboo stroller because of its quality.

Some people get Bugaboos as gifts. Why shouldn't they enjoy them instead worrying what everyone will say?

Not everyone with a Bugaboo gets one so that they can 'fit in'.

Nor do they feel the need to 'show off'.

Bugaboos are actually not the most expensive strollers around.

Please stop obsessing. The point of the article was not to judge, yet we have pages and pages of judgment based off the stroller one pushes.

Maya

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 3:44 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Thank you.

amother

Olive

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 4:02 pm

tigerwife wrote:

And some pulpit rabbis are soliciting money to pay for bugaboos. I object to them being a tzeduckah item.

youngishbear

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 4:29 pm

I missed a lot of fun here.

I have a bugaboo double stroller because two of my babies were (too) close in age. I preferred to have the seats be completely separate (not just a wall of fabric between them) and baby to face me and toddler to see the street. I needed the smooth ride that no other double stroller provides (single handed steering! Yes

) And I tried them all in the store.

I calculated that my husband leases a car, and this is mine. And it's cheaper over the course of its use than his car is.

In the end we unexpectedly got it from a family member as a gift b"H.

And even better, now I use it as a single stroller so it really has been very practical and useful.

#Thebestgiftever

P.S. What's a montcler coat?

Maya

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 4:44 pm

I'm not going to justify my luxury purchases, just because I didn't take the money from anyone, and also I don't give a d*mn if someone else can't wrap their heads around my expensive car or whatever else I decide to splurge on.

I will judge you if your standard of living is similar to mine and I know that you're receiving government benefits. A one time gift of a stroller or a rare splurge on a luxury item is not a standard of living and I don't begrudge anyone that, but if you're consistently buying expensive outfits and accessories for your kids, spending summers in the country, going to Israel for Lag B'omer and making fancy parties and simchas, I will judge you very harshly. And yes, I do know many, many such people.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 4:47 pm

Maya wrote:

Not more. The staring would be just for that.

Haha ok you win. I take it back. (What's wrong with using a baby carrier?)
Sorry if I offended anyone who has a bugaboo. It's the type of stroller that either you love it or you hate it. I agree some people actually choose to buy it because they like it and the double bugaboo is better than some of the others out there, I agree on that point for sure.

sky

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 5:08 pm

I was once asked to remove my baby carrier at an upsherin of a friend who is much more part of the cookie cutter crowd. She was very embarrassed to have someone there who would baby wear. She didn't care about the rest of me that didn't fit into her group - it was the carrier that bugged her the most.
So I could see baby wearing being a bigger issue than anything else.

Maya

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 5:09 pm

sky wrote:

Um, wow.

amother

Natural

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 5:13 pm

Maya wrote:

I agree.
What I don't understand is, how do people spend money they don't have? Isn't there a limit to the amount they could put on their credit cards? Is it just that they're not putting away money? I don't know such people personally so I always wonder about this.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 5:17 pm

youngishbear wrote:

Your kids must be very close in age because I really liked the bugaboo donkey in terms of looks and push, but my older dd was already too outgrowing the seat at 19 months (she is tall). The sales lady said they are some of the shortest seats of the doubles. Also it was too heavy and bulky I felt to be really practical though if you never lift it in and out of a car or up stairs it won't matter.

What's wrong with baby wearing?

amother

Wine

Sun, Jan 24 2016, 5:20 pm

Aren't we supposed to believe that everything is from Hashem? So if someone is blessed with a job, it is from Hashem. If someone is on government assistance, it is also from Hashem. If someone has an expensive carriage, isn't that also from Hashem? Are we supposed to be jealous of what others have or get? Hashem gives each of us our challenges- it is a big challenge paying yeshiva tuition but instead of looking to see what others have or not, wouldn't it be better if people could do things to help make yeshiva tuition more manageable. It's an election year. Maybe Jewish women can make a difference and tell the politicians that yeshivas need help. There are many things the government to do to help yeshivas that would not be unconstitutional or things can be done to make an amendment that parents can have the choice to give their children a religious education with government assistance without the government interfering in what is taught.