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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Social skills



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amother
Copper


 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 9:51 pm
How do you teach a 4 year old appropriate social skills? For example my ds had a friedn over and the mom and sister were hanging out. My ds was very excited but did not know the correct way to express his excitement and was running around taking things out of the closet instead of sitting to play with his friends. When we go pick up dc2 he actsinappropriate yelling im bigger then you to kids in daycare.
He is a good kid and loves to play but needs to learn appropriate social skills.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 10:34 pm
Is he in any kind of preschool setting? How does he do there?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 20 2016, 10:47 pm
Have you talked to him about these things? How did that go?
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 12:09 am
He is in a nursery class. He is doing well there but also has some social issues and needs encouragement to play with the other kids
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 12:40 am
If you are in NY and possibly elsewhere but I don't know, I would strongly recommend getting this child evaluated. Not because I think he has some terrible major issue, I can't possibly know enough to say that, but because if you act fast you may be able to get help in dealing with this issue. You say he's already 4 which means your clock is ticking really fast, once you get close to 5 it is much harder to get help with social difficulties unless it is majorly disruptive in school. If you're in the US, google the address and fax number of your local Department of Education's CSE/Committee on Special Educaton, and send them a letter both ways tomorrow requesting to have your child evaluated. Then call his teachers and ask them to back you up by describing your child's issues in full without any sugarcoating.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 6:02 am
This is very very common at 4 and it doesn't necessarily indicate a *social issue*. Before you run for an eval, I would try some parenting first. Start by preparing him before a playdate or any other problematic situation. Talk about what is going to happen, what you will be doing/how you will be talking and what he should say or do. You can act it out with puppets or dolls or mentchies. You can also make up little stories about a fictional character who is about his age and how he handles those same situations that you want your son to learn to handle better. These activities need to be fun and engaging, not intense. This might be enough. If after a couple of weeks you see no carryover whatsoever, you can think about an eval.

A word about evaluations: IMO they are like antibiotics. Important to take when necessary, but overuse can cause unintended consequences. We do know so much more about intervening early and in some cases early intervention can make a life-long difference to a child, BUT running for an eval for behaviors that are still on the bell curve normal range without trying low-intensity parenting remediation first can affect a child's sense of self and sometimes that can be difficult to recover from. Necessary when necessary but not always necessary, and discretion is advised.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 8:46 am
5* are you in NY? Because my point was that if you try low intensity things first and they don't work then it will be too late to get help. If you get approved for services at 4 they are more willing to give you services at 5. You don't need to use them. I have never seen a 4yo negatively affected by the evaluation itself, it feels like games to them. I would say differently if he were 8.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 7:21 pm
He is getting speech ot and very little seit. I am trying to get him more seit hrs.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 7:41 pm
Ah, OK. Then no emergency. It's just good to get on the train before it leaves the station, IYKWIM. The DOE is a lot more willing to continue existing cases than to add new ones after turning 5.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 8:57 pm
I hope so. He also gives me a ridiculously hard time going to sleep , keeping other dc up when they could have been sleeping ages ago. (We live in a tiny basement apartment ) Bedtime is a big issues that I dont know what to do about. I lose control and yell which just makes it harder.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 9:03 pm
Can you keep him busy with something quiet but active/engaging while the others go to sleep, and then do him on his own later when he's more tired and they're deeply enough asleep not to get distracted by him?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 21 2016, 9:05 pm
Check out parenting classes or books about challenging children, if you haven't already.

The speech therapist is an imoortant resource here. Much of what they do is in this area, since a lot of important communication is nonverbal.

See if you can find a social skills class. In the meantime, see if you can familiarize yourself with the work of Michelle Garcia Winner. (Your speech therapist probably is knowledgeable.)
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amother
Copper


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 9:03 pm
Is that a book? Where would I find social skills class?
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amother
Copper


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 9:03 pm
Would a weighted blnket help the sleep issues?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 9:10 pm
There are books about Social Thinking but probably the best route is to hook up with a therapist who is trained and/or experienced in the method.

A weighted blanket is helpful for many people but no one can say "it will/won't help your sleep issues." Is your child generally seeking sensory input? Does he tend to be restless while going to sleep? Then a weighted blanket might help. But it probably won't solve the problem because there is likely more going on, plus he will need to un-learn his poor sleep habits. Once a person's brain gets used to not associating bedtime with sleep, that whole circuit needs to get retrained.
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