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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Birthday parties at home vs paying for them elsewhere



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amyisraelchai




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 2:22 pm
Lately my kindergartener has been complaining that in our family we always do birthday parties at home, when many of her classmates do birthday parties at a party place (a pizza shop, an ice cream shop, a party center, etc.) Those places are expensive and I like the feel of a homemade birthday party much more - it is what I grew up with, and it feels more down to earth. Any advice on how to talk to my daughter about this in a positive way?
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 2:56 pm
Are you open to doing what she wants if you can make it financially feasible? I think that it's only fair to try to make it work, but I know that there are different parenting approaches out there. Personally, I would try to work with my kids to figure out if we can afford something or not, instead of just writing it off. Maybe she can help figure out how much those parties cost versus having a party at home and then you can discuss the difference to see if it's something you can afford or not. If she's willing to give up a birthday gift from you then maybe it will work etc.
I don't think it's fair to say, this is what we did when I grew up so this is what you have to do ,but that doesn't mean you need to spend a ton of money on a party either. Maybe you can reach a compromise and have a different type of party at home than usual ( make your own pizza party, etc) or just take a few good friends to ice cream, etc.

I feel strongly about this topic because my husband felt his parents always did less for him than his friends parents did for them and there have been some long term consequences to this. I wish his parents would have been less cheap or lived In a community with the same material standards they had. We have paid much much more in therapy for him than they would have spent trying to reach a compromise with him.

I'm not saying that your daughter will be scarred by this, but that you should think about how you want her relationship to be with money, Etc, whether she will feel that her parents can't afford what she wants etc.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 3:17 pm
Ask her what she likes more about those parties and what she likes more about parties at home to figure out what she actually wants and then you can figure out how to respond. If she says, " I want to have a party there because everyone does" then you can talk about social conformity, if she says " I want to have yummy food at my party" then you can make a menu together for the party,, if she says " our house it too messy for a party", you can clean it together . If she says, I like having activities at parties, you can plan games , etc. ( these are just random examples)
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amyisraelchai




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 3:18 pm
Those are great ideas. Thank you!!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 3:23 pm
I think you have to do what is within your means despite what your child says her friends are all doing ... no need to be the joneses
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 7:08 pm
I just did a really fun party for my dd 7th birthday. Her friends loved it. We did an aeroplane theme - when they came in I sat them down on chairs arranged as if on an aeroplane. I served them food (pizza and fries, dds choice) on trays with a box drink. then we "flew" to a few different cities and in each city we played a game. So I did pass the parcel with spanish themed questions, pin the torch on the statue of liberty, etc. We did a treasure hunt which the kids loved - it was actually from a book of treasure hunts I found in a used bookstore.

Originally my dd wanted to do something else out of the house but we agreed this would be more fun. Luckily some of her friends do home parties, other do out of the house parties. I don't think out of the house parties are always more fun, they are just easier for the parents.
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Amarante




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 8:26 pm
I agree with Papaya

People have parties in venues because they are easier. No miss and no fuss

You can have a party at home that is much more fun if you are willing to plan and make it memorable you might need help from someone with the games and you can stock up on some really awesome party favors. My best friend and I helped each other's parties and the girls always had a great time. We did plan a slew of activities.

However, as others have pointed out, if her heart is set on having the party at a venue, find out what she likes about and see what the cost causally would be.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 25 2016, 8:46 pm
Is there a possibility of splitting the party with some of her friends who have birthdays around the same time? Maybe then the cost of a venue would be feasible.

I've never done this myself, but DD has definitely been to parties with 3 birthday girls.
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