Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions
Apikorsos Ideologies in a Post
  1  2  3  4  5  6  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 8:23 pm
I'm writing this under my screen name because I feel so strongly about this, despite the backlash it may cause. I know many posters are hurting and suffering through terrible life circumstances. However, this site is meant for frum women. While I understand that it ranges from MO to yeshvish to Chassidish, there are certain actions, mitzvos and lavim that are written straight out in the Torah that should not be negotiable.

Chumros, minhagim and the like can be up for debate. I enjoy hearing the different aspects, opinions and views from the many walks of life.

But should it be OK for people to disparage clear cut directives of the Torah? Say that a straight out Lav is OK for someone because they are going through a hard time? I feel that reading some of these posts is dangerously to close chipping away at my sense of right and wrong. Why should I feel like that on a site for frum women?

Breaking clear cut halachos should not be OK regardless of what you are going through in life. I don't think fellow posters have a right to say you can be unfaithful - your DH is not being nice/fair to you (which happened around a year ago believe it or not). Again, I'm not talking about halachos that rabbanim disagree about - everyone should follow their LOR.

We are a frum site and should not be subject to apikorsos. What do you think?
Back to top

amother
Cobalt


 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:02 pm
I agree that outright apikorsis shouldn't be permitted on this site. That being said the only example you give is that someone suggested that a woman have an affair because her husband deserves it. Did someone clearly say that comment?
Back to top

sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:03 pm
Can you think of specific examples?
Back to top

pause




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:03 pm
AFAIK, Yael does not condone this. I believe it's against imamother rules to post about breaking halacha. You can report the post and leave it up to the mods to decide.
Back to top

MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:11 pm
I think pause summed it up. I do want to give you kudos for using your screen name.
Back to top

Yael




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:21 pm
pause wrote:
AFAIK, Yael does not condone this. I believe it's against imamother rules to post about breaking halacha. You can report the post and leave it up to the mods to decide.

Exactly what pause wrote.

If you come across a post that is condoning breaking halacha (not simply a more lenient viewpoint) please report it or send a pm to myself or a mod.
Back to top

UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:46 pm
Yael, I did do so recently and was told not to open threads that look sensitive if I can't handle it. It was the first thread I ever reported since joining this site so I wasn't sure if that is a standard answer. Another thread the past few days prompted me to start this thread.
Back to top

UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 9:49 pm
amother wrote:
I agree that outright apikorsis shouldn't be permitted on this site. That being said the only example you give is that someone suggested that a woman have an affair because her husband deserves it. Did someone clearly say that comment?


Yes, at that point I posted outrage as did a few others and the thread was locked or removed (don't remember which one it was a while ago). I wasn't aware of reporting responses at that time.

I don't want to mention specific examples since I am aware that the OP's who post these are hurting and in a really bad place but I'm wondering if anyone else feels like I do.
Back to top

amother
Azure


 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 10:23 pm
If you are taking about a recent thread regarding taharas mishpacha then you can rest assured that the halachos in question are not "written straight out in the Torah" or even the Gemara. SOME of them maybe started with rishonim while others developed even after that. I was however surprised at how many people answered saying that they regularly are lax *as long as they meet the minimum* because even tho they were still doing the minimum or more I didn't think it was common to be so flippant about it as to declare that publicly.

If that's not what you were talking about then I'm glad I missed whatever it is and carry on.
Back to top

animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 10:50 pm
amother wrote:
If you are taking about a recent thread regarding taharas mishpacha then you can rest assured that the halachos in question are not "written straight out in the Torah" or even the Gemara. SOME of them maybe started with rishonim while others developed even after that. I was however surprised at how many people answered saying that they regularly are lax *as long as they meet the minimum* because even tho they were still doing the minimum or more I didn't think it was common to be so flippant about it as to declare that publicly.

If that's not what you were talking about then I'm glad I missed whatever it is and carry on.


What bothers me about that thread are the posts saying, "Yes, halachah says x, but the overall goal seems to be reachable without x and x is too hard, so I just use my own way/schedule instead."

It's not the debate of whether there is a heter to miss day 7- it's the idea of ignoring zemanim because only you know and it's between you and Hashem. Nobody says its ok to do the mitzvah that way. Women are specifically trusted with this to be honest about it. And it does impact our dh's too. I definitely get OP's point here.

ETA that I believe these posters are reporting on what they do, not necessarily recommending it to others as ok.
Back to top

amother
Azure


 

Post Tue, Jan 26 2016, 10:55 pm
Animeme that's the flippant attitudes I meant. I was really surprised. I always thought it was something everyone takes seriously and exceptions are, well, exceptions.
Back to top

mille




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 7:02 am
If you reported it and it wasn't deleted, chances are high that it isn't actually against halacha according to some interpretation. You say you understand that there's a broad spectrum here from LWMO to RW chareidi, but that extends to halachic interpretations of a great many things. Even things that you may have learned are halacha might not actually be.

It's a bad example because the topic is banned on this forum, but I see this a lot in any discussion about being gay and Jewish. Plenty of people come out and say that it's against halacha to *be* gay, when the actual halacha is one specific act. It may not seem like an important distinction, but it's an extremely important one. This sort of subtly exists all over the halachic framework, and laypeople tend to extend the lines of where the law actually falls.
Back to top

PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 8:50 am
amother wrote:
If you are taking about a recent thread regarding taharas mishpacha then you can rest assured that the halachos in question are not "written straight out in the Torah" or even the Gemara. SOME of them maybe started with rishonim while others developed even after that. I was however surprised at how many people answered saying that they regularly are lax *as long as they meet the minimum* because even tho they were still doing the minimum or more I didn't think it was common to be so flippant about it as to declare that publicly.

If that's not what you were talking about then I'm glad I missed whatever it is and carry on.


If we're talking about minimum bedikos, that is a heter that is generally easily given. Going beyond though can lead to situations such as OP's concerned about that. As is acting as Rabbi Imamother and not saying, this is what I was told, CYLOR for yourself.
Back to top

imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 9:22 am
UQT wrote:
... I feel that reading some of these posts is dangerously to close chipping away at my sense of right and wrong ...

??
Back to top

UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 9:40 am
imasoftov - To answer your question marks, reading how some people can't be bothered to follow to the rules 'because it makes no sense to them' or 'no rabbi will tell me how to run my life' or 'it's the 21st century the rules have to evolve with the times' can be dangerous to people.

I'm married 15 years, but for newlyweds who are struggling with - say TH - and reading 'I dropped that a long time ago - it was too hard' may give them the go ahead to stop following these laws without knowledge of their husbands or rabbanim.

I found some halachos very difficult in my newlwed days and my DH spoke to a Rav who dropped many of them for us. But if I would have found heterim on imamother and dropped them on my own - well let's say some of the real non-negotiable Halachos would have been dropped. And that is really scary to think about. The ones I felt uncomfortable about then and pushed myself because the Rav said that it's not a choice, I'm totally fine with now. Imagine if I lived my whole married life breaking laws because I saw that 'everyone' on Imamother is doing it and it must be OK.

That said, I'm on bedrest now and probably spending too much time on imamother! So excuse me if I'm coming across too strong.
Back to top

imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 10:00 am
UQT wrote:
imasoftov - To answer your question marks, reading how some people can't be bothered to follow to the rules 'because it makes no sense to them' or 'no rabbi will tell me how to run my life' or 'it's the 21st century the rules have to evolve with the times' can be dangerous to people.

I'm married 15 years, but for newlyweds who are struggling with - say TH - and reading 'I dropped that a long time ago - it was too hard' may give them the go ahead to stop following these laws without knowledge of their husbands or rabbanim.

I found some halachos very difficult in my newlwed days and my DH spoke to a Rav who dropped many of them for us. But if I would have found heterim on imamother and dropped them on my own - well let's say some of the real non-negotiable Halachos would have been dropped. And that is really scary to think about. The ones I felt uncomfortable about then and pushed myself because the Rav said that it's not a choice, I'm totally fine with now. Imagine if I lived my whole married life breaking laws because I saw that 'everyone' on Imamother is doing it and it must be OK.

That said, I'm on bedrest now and probably spending too much time on imamother! So excuse me if I'm coming across too strong.

I don't think you're coming on strong, but the line of yours I put question marks after was about your sense of right and wrong, but your answer seems to be about others', not yours.
Back to top

UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 10:19 am
I do sometimes have to remind myself that this is not a halachic site and I can't follow the 'laws' written here.
Back to top

amother
Yellow


 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 10:22 am
I too, was thinking that some posts are outright apikorsis. One amother in particular, I feel, should be banned, due to her resentment towards yiddishkeit. She has a really negative attitude towards anything holy....
Back to top

pause




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 10:22 am
UQT wrote:
I do sometimes have to remind myself that this is not a halachic site and I can't follow the 'laws' written here.
Even just reading about it erodes one's sensitivities. It's subtle.
Back to top

amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Jan 27 2016, 11:54 am
Op, so glad to see this post. I am constantly surprised to see how many people have the attitude to which you refer. what I don't understand is what is keeping these people religious at all. Being that so many don't seem to believe in the very basics of Judaism, that the Torah is G-d's word and unchangeable, why are they keeping it?
Judaism is not exactly an easy religion to keep and I can't understand why someone believes they can change halachos according to there stress level or today's society would be keeping anything. Confused
Back to top
Page 1 of 6   1  2  3  4  5  6  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Post your strands score!
by amother
235 Today at 7:45 am View last post
Passport at Pomona Post office
by mom923
8 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 2:07 pm View last post
BP Babysitter Pre/post Purim? 5 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 9:20 am View last post
by mfb
Chasidishe tour this summer for post grad 8 Tue, Mar 12 2024, 9:04 am View last post
HELP, Please post budget friendly outfits
by amother
23 Fri, Mar 01 2024, 10:04 am View last post