Who makes kiddush when dh is not home?

gittelchana

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 6:42 pm

greenfire wrote:

OUTLANDISH - the only outlandish thing is you saying it's outlandish for women not wanting to have to run through the streets trying to find someone else to make kiddush for them

When did I ever say such a thing? Scratching Head

greenfire

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 7:16 pm

gittelchana wrote:

When did I ever say such a thing? Scratching Head

you keep making drastic statements - therein lie the assumptions

if any woman has to ask whether or not she can make kiddush in the absence of a man - be it in the moment or her life's fate - then they are being crippled into thinking the way you think - as you stated numerous times in the above posts whilst calling other people's responses outlandish

Ruchel

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 12:11 pm

We don't want to gain more havdala or kiddush skills. Not my mom (yes I actually asked her if she felt empowered or whatever not depending on a man, she was like huh). Not me. And even if my kiddush wasn't so bad, and I know I could learn, I would still feel lacking and inadequate, a replacement, because I was raised traditional. And I don't need hugs for happy in the statu quo.

grace413

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 1:32 pm

Ruchel wrote:

If you're happy it's fine.

However, I've lived on my own for the majority of my adult years and I would feel lacking and inadequate if I had to run after some man to make kiddush or havdalah for me. (I was also raised traditional).

amother

Indigo

Tue, Feb 02 2016, 2:59 am

I just want to mention that if you cannot make a beautiful kiddish because of lack of familiarity of the text, know that the Shulchan Aruch states that to be yotzi, one must make the bracha quietly along with the kiddish maker.

You are not supposed to sit there passively. You are supposed to be saying kiddish along with, though quietly. You then finish a second before the kiddish-maker so that you can say amen.

"Also if she hears Kiddush from her husband or another man, it is preferable that she should say the Kiddush word for word."

water_bear88

Tue, Feb 02 2016, 3:30 am

amother wrote:

-Does the Rama agree?
-Are you sure this applies to all of kiddush, or just the first part? I say the first (d'oraita) part along in an undertone if I haven't said Maariv to make sure I'm yotzei.

anon for this

Tue, Feb 02 2016, 9:33 am

When my husband traveled on business and was away for Shabbos, I made kiddush and havdalah for my children. As a single parent, I've made kiddush and havdalah for my younger children; sometimes my children who are over bar/ bas mitzvah do.

I certainly respect those who never make kiddush/ havdalah themselves or feel uncomfortable doing so. My children and I would have felt very uncomfortable having to go to a neighbor's house for every kiddush and havdalah, rather than saying/ hearing it at our own table.

When I've made havdalah, I always drink the grape juice (I rarely use wine), except during the nine days, when I give it to one of my children to drink.

For me it was more about self-sufficiency than empowerment, though I respect others who feel differently. Personally, I found figuring out how to relight the pilot on my water heater much more empowering.

Ruchel

Wed, Feb 03 2016, 8:42 am

I don't do along. I wasn't taught so so I'm not interested to.
I don't feel empowered doing it and again I tried so I know. I actually don't go out of my way to be in search of things or feelings.
I like my life. I would do kiddush if I had to again, yes.