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A dissenting view of the Rechnitz speech
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kima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 5:23 pm
I received the following letter from a (former Lakewood) relative that I was discussing the speech with. I think it makes a very insightful point that I have yet to hear anyone express. I'm reposting it with my friend's permission.



While I think Mr. Rechnitz gets major kudos for standing up and bravely saying the things he said (and for, in general, being such a major bal tzedaka), I actually disagree in a very fundamental way with the whole premise of his talk.

He's 100% correct that there is a terrible problem of elitism and judgementalism in the community. But he's wrong to place the blame squarely on the heads of the yeshivos and those anonymous figures he called elitists, which he says is "a mi'uta d'miuta". From my own experience living many years in Lakewood, it actually seems that practically the entire community is elitist, and even Mr. Rechnitz himself is elitist, as he demonstrates in his apology letter (which I'll come back to later on). I understand if you might find such an accusation to be outrageous, but allow me to explain:

Mashal, l'mah hadavar domeh? Imagine a town where the parents have a meshugas where they insist on only feeding their kids the purest food. Unfortunately, there isn't enough pure food to go around, and the kids of some of the parents are starving. Now, there's actually plenty of perfectly good, "non-pure" food they could feed their kids, but because they refuse to "lower" themselves to eating what they consider to be such garbage, their kids are suffering as a result. The parents go to the leaders and cry in pain, "My kids are starving! Can't you give us some of your pure food?" And the leaders coldly turn them away.

Who is really at fault in this situation? Is it the leaders? Admittedly, they are acting heartlessly, but they are not the cause of the problem. Although the leaders are indeed acting superior, they're not actually acting any differently than the parents themselves. The real problem is rooted in the parents themselves, the people that refuse to accept perfectly legitimate options for their children because of their elitist mindset that only certain "pure" options are acceptable.

As Mr. Rechnitz pointed out, it's only certain towns that that have this school problem. Primarily Lakewood, but also somewhat in Monsey, Brooklyn, etc. But most frum communities - Baltimore, Chicago, Miami, Cleveland, LA, etc. - don't have this problem. Why not? Because in every other community, there is room for various strands of frumkeit. But in Lakewood, only one kind is acceptable - black hat chareidi. This is the key.

IMHO, the root of the problem here isn't that the schools are elitist and don't want to accept kids. (I'm not denying they're elitist. I just don't see that as the root of the problem.) It's actually the parents and a community that won't accept that it's ok for their kids to go to a school that doesn't fit in with their own elitist attitudes that is the cause of the problem. These parents are the cause of their own misery. It's not other people's elitism towards them, but their very own elitism, that is the cause of all their suffering!

If the community as a whole wouldn't look down on schools that don't fit the standard black-hat yeshivish/chassidish paradigm, then there would be plenty of those schools cropping up to accommodate those kids (just like in other towns). And if parents would say, "Hey, there's nothing wrong if my kids go to a yeshiva that isn't black-hat yeshivish", they wouldn't have any problem at all finding a school for their kids. If they would stop thinking themselves so superior, their problems would be so easily solved (actually, they'd probably never even exist in the first place).

But of course hardly anyone in this town is willing to do this. And the reason is plainly obvious to us all, but which we’re loathe to admit: most of us do indeed think some of us are better than others. Some of us think that raising kids with minimal exposure to secular studies is more holy than giving kids a decent secular education. Some of us think that those in kollel are superior to those who work. Some of us think that wearing a colored shirt indicates a flawed character that makes someone unfit for a shidduch. Some of us do think ourselves superior to those who have different hashkafos. Since everyone knows how common these attitudes are in Lakewood, of course no non-yeshivish institution would ever open up in this community. And even if by some miracle it did, no one in the community would ever send their children there. It would be a total shanda for any yeshivish family to send their kids to such a place!

Amazingly, even Mr. Rechnitz himself revealed having this same elitist attitude! He revealed it when he took a swipe at MO in the initial speech (at 24:05), and he revealed it again in his follow-up letter, when he wrote: "I can understand a parent wanting a school where all the children come from homes without internet, televisions or other negative influences, but if you don't want your child in a class that has children whose fathers work to provide parnassah for their family, then you are an elitist."

With these words, he's unambiguously stating that it's perfectly ok for one to be exclusionary towards someone who has a TV or internet in their home. How is this attitude any different from those he's criticizing? How is that not the same elitism?

So I say a wholehearted thank you to Mr. Rechnitz for saying the things he did. I only wish he took his own message of ahavas yisrael to heart, as should all the people who are praising the speech and yet wouldn't be ok with their kids going to a non-chareidi yeshiva where they got to be friends with kids of different hashkafos. Until then, I'm not sure you have the right to say you're not as elitist as the next person.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 6:22 pm
How about we wait until after his father-in-law is buried and his wife's shiva is over before we start criticizing him???? Seriously. I didn't even read past a couple of lines where the author called him elitist. Puke Puke Have some sense of decency and just the slightest hint of shame.
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fmt4




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 6:51 pm
That is a really interesting point.

Whatfor, you should've read the whole thing. It does not put him down, and I fail to see how his father- in- law's petirah has anything to do with it.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 6:56 pm
I disagree that having reasonable religious standards is elitist. I do agree that the standards have gotten out of control in many places.
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Mevater




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 6:58 pm
I dont get the OP's letter.

I think everyone agrees that the bulk of the homes of children who dont get into desirable schools are not different Hashkafa-wise than the homes of those who do get into the desirable schools.

Theres elitism involved that doesnt have anything to do with level of Hashkafa. Its more a who you know kind of thing, and how many important people are willing to pull for you.
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kima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:26 pm
youngishbear wrote:
I disagree that having reasonable religious standards is elitist. I do agree that the standards have gotten out of control in many places.

Isn't "reasonable religious standards" totally subjective? I'm sure the people who don't want their kids to be with kids whose parents work think they're being reasonable too. And the people who are being told that their kids can't be in a school because they have TV or internet think the standards are indeed out of control.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:35 pm
kima wrote:
Isn't "reasonable religious standards" totally subjective? I'm sure the people who don't want their kids to be with kids whose parents work think they're being reasonable too. And the people who are being told that their kids can't be in a school because they have TV or internet think the standards are indeed out of control.


I don't think anyone in Lakewood is watching TV and crying about their kids not having a school.

My impression of the crisis is that elitist kollel parents don't want kids from homes where the fathers work to attend the same school as their choshuv holy kids, or that kids dont get accepted into schools because there isn't enough blue blood in the family's yichus tree. These aren't religious or hashkafic reasons.

That's not reasonable standards.

I agree with you that reasonable is subjective, but someone with a TV in their living room is honestly better off finding a school that their child can feel comfortable in. Or starting one.
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kima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:40 pm
Mevater wrote:
I dont get the OP's letter.

I think everyone agrees that the bulk of the homes of children who dont get into desirable schools are not different Hashkafa-wise than the homes of those who do get into the desirable schools.

I believe that the "not from a frum enough home" factor plays a significant role when rejecting kids. Having internet might be a "not frum enough" disqualification. (According to Mr. Rechnitz that's indeed an acceptable disqualification.) Or allowing your kids to watch certain videos. Or allowing them to listen to some non-Jewish music. Or having a MO mechutan. Or having a father who works (which he finds to be unacceptable). Or having an OTD sibling.

Or consider a situation where the home is still totally frum enough, but the kid doesn't fit into the mainstream Lakewood yeshiva models where it's primarily aimed at producing learners who are striving for full-time learning. There are probably thousands of such kids who are rejected from yeshivos for that reason.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:43 pm
If you want to send a child to a school that has a uniform but dont want your child to have to wear the unifiorm are you going to start badmouthing the school because of it? You dont like the uniform idea. No problem. Just go somplace else. You want to send to this school you have to follow their codes/rules. Same with tv , internet... you cant want to send to a particular school and want to do it your way. You want this school you follow their rules . End of duscussion.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:46 pm
While I do think that this letter has interesting points to discuss, the last few paragraphs seem rather unnecessary and problematic. Perhaps you should edit out the parts that mention people directly.
It really irks me when people say it's terrible to watch TV and do XYZ but have no problems speaking L"H (which is a much bigger Issur)
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Leahh




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:50 pm
I didn't read the entire letter.
The sheer fact that it is such a wide spread problem and in almost every school shows that the problem is not on the parents insisting on an elite school but the schools themselves. If it would be one or two schools that was hard to get into and a hand full of children left without a school because their parents insist they go to those one or two elite schools, then yes, I would agree the problem is the parents (as I believe the case to be in Brooklyn). But when the problem is so widespread with so many schools not accepting children and so many children not placed in a school, there has to be more to it than just the parents saying my kids can only go to this specific school. The fact that a vaad had to be formed to force schools to accept children, shows the problem lies within the schools.
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kima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:50 pm
youngishbear wrote:
I agree with you that reasonable is subjective, but someone with a TV in their living room is honestly better off finding a school that their child can feel comfortable in. Or starting one.

I agree they'd be better off starting such a yeshiva themselves. But do you think that such a yeshiva would be welcomed in Lakewood?

Also, "having a TV" is actually a very anachronistic way of thinking about the issue, what with plenty of media being available online. I know a very respected Lakewood fellow who is a rebbe in a totally yeshivish yeshiva that lets his kids watch select movies, nature films, sports, Olympics performances, and other specifically chosen content, which he gets online and they watch on their computer. (I know this because I know the person who supplies them the shows.)

I'm sure this is a fairly common practice in many homes, yet some would consider this behavior to be indicative of a "not frum enough home". In point of fact, the rebbe above is very careful to make sure his kids don't tell anyone about their behavior because he knows it can cause him problems.
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UQT




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:51 pm
There is no problem with boys in Mesivtas not getting in. You know why? Because there are so many, many mesivtas in this town. Instead of working when leaving Kollel, many open a mesivta to stay in klei kodesh.

If we had as many girls schools as we had mesivtas there would be no problem. If the government gave $10,000 per child to educate them, there would be no problem, as everyone would run to open a girl school.

There are not enough schools. Period.
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kima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:53 pm
amother wrote:
While I do think that this letter has interesting points to discuss, the last few paragraphs seem rather unnecessary and problematic. Perhaps you should edit out the parts that mention people directly.

Where in the letter is any person mentioned directly (besides Rechnitz, who is merely being quoted)?
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Mevater




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:54 pm
youngishbear wrote:
someone with a TV in their living room is honestly better off finding a school that their child can feel comfortable in. Or starting one.


My guess is that percentage-wise there are an equal amount of homes in Lakewood with TVs as there are Chassidish homes with TVs. I think theyre a tiny percentage and that the TVs are hidden mostly and rarely come out of closets. Most kids and neighbors are unaware.

No one would be so insane to publicize having a TV and then wonder or complain that theyre not getting into the frummer schools.

As far as internet, these days almost everyone has internet at home.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:56 pm
youngishbear wrote:
I don't think anyone in Lakewood is watching TV and crying about their kids not having a school.

My impression of the crisis is that elitist kollel parents don't want kids from homes where the fathers work to attend the same school as their choshuv holy kids, or that kids dont get accepted into schools because there isn't enough blue blood in the family's yichus tree. These aren't religious or hashkafic reasons.

That's not reasonable standards.

I agree with you that reasonable is subjective, but someone with a TV in their living room is honestly better off finding a school that their child can feel comfortable in. Or starting one.


Just saying, isn't a tv in the living room a very outdated measure of frumness? Anyone with a iPhone, computer, tablet etc can watch a Sesame Street video...
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kima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 7:57 pm
amother wrote:
If you want to send a child to a school that has a uniform but dont want your child to have to wear the unifiorm are you going to start badmouthing the school because of it? You dont like the uniform idea. No problem. Just go somplace else. You want to send to this school you have to follow their codes/rules. Same with tv , internet... you cant want to send to a particular school and want to do it your way. You want this school you follow their rules . End of duscussion.

Huh? I'm not sure what you're responding to. This letter doesn't badmouth any schools in any way! In fact, it takes the blame off of the schools and says that the fault lies with the parents and communal norms instead.
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 8:01 pm
My point is, if the reason the kid isn't being accepted is as simple as having internet or TV against school rules, they can't complain.

They can complain about the rule, or start a school that does allow it.

It was my understanding that kids are not finding schools for less specific reasons.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 8:02 pm
kima wrote:
Where in the letter is any person mentioned directly (besides Rechnitz, who is merely being quoted)?


He is not merely being quoted. You are very fortunate that you missed it when you read the letter.
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Leahh




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 30 2016, 8:04 pm
I would also like to know the religious affiliation of the author.
It sounds link s/he is MO and has a chip on his/her shoulder.
There is nothing wrong with saying you want your child in a school that conforms to your hashkafa. But that's not the case in Lakewood since most schools (chassidish aside) have similar hashkafos.
Imagine sending a sheltered child from a home without a TV or Internet to a school a mixed school where girls where pants, mothers don't cover their hair, and all the kids talk about all day is the TV shows and movies they watch.
Maybe my example is extreme but it's basic chinuch to raise your child within your hashkafic views. Not elitism.
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