Child expelled in front of the whole school?

amother

Ivory

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:46 am

PLEASE do not mention the name of the school if you know it.

I am pretty horrified and my grandchild is scheduled to start this school next year. Does anyone here know details?

From what I've heard the child was caught with a cell phone after repeated warnings that it was not allowed in school, and was told in front of the whole school to leave.

I am sure there are reasons from the school's side, I just can't seem to get over the idea of embarrassing a child in public.

I suppose my daughter can talk to current parents in the school and see what she can find out, so I'm not sure why I'm asking here. Anonymity might allow someone to share what they would not share in real life. However, if it turns into Loshon Hora I'm definitely going to ask a mod to remove the whole thread, so please keep the discussion civil!

amother

Ecru

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 12:57 pm

Wow just wow. That school needs to close. I would not trust that school to educate my kid. If my kid wasn't there and was scheduled to go next year I would be looking for new options pronto. I'm going to trust your judgment and assume that you have good reasons for not doing so.

I have never been so shocked by something a school has done, ever.

Btw, dh was in elementary school and was not the best behaved kid, by a long shot. He was extremely popular, the type of kid where you think this type of thing wouldn't affect him so much. One day his teacher had him stand in front of the class and every kid was told to say something that they didn't like about him. Suffice it to say that he was completely traumatized about it and still is when he thinks about it. As for the teacher, he died a slow painful death from an illness. He asked mechila from dh a few times and dh forgave him each time. I'm obviously not saying that was why he got sick but I'm obviously not ruling it out.

imasinger

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 1:06 pm

Horrible in every way.

I don't know any details, and think that L"H could be a danger n this thread, but I suggest you see if your DC's feel confident enough to call and say that even though they would not ever give a child a cellphone aganst school rules, they are deeply distressed at hearing of this public shaming, and want to hear the school's perspective.

Maybe you even want to encourage them to consider a different school.

While your DGD is less likely to make waves, that level of poor judgment in chinuch is bound to affect the quality of her growth.

bruriyah

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 1:12 pm

I am in medical school and one of the official rules of the school regarding the prohibition of abusing students is "public humiliation" - it's just never ever allowed, for any reason. And we are talking about grown ups here. I cannot believe that a school would do this to a child.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 2:46 pm

I'm just thinking of all these stories we hear of R"Y who have to expel a child and talk to them, privately, only after hours of finding a new yeshiva for them.
Even if the school wanted to make a point that the rules must be kept, this is so wrong, in so many ways. Hatzlacha!

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 2:56 pm

amother wrote:

Btw, dh was in elementary school and was not the best behaved kid, by a long shot. He was extremely popular, the type of kid where you think this type of thing wouldn't affect him so much. One day his teacher had him stand in front of the class and every kid was told to say something that they didn't like about him. Suffice it to say that he was completely traumatized about it and still is when he thinks about it. As for the teacher, he died a slow painful death from an illness. He asked mechila from dh a few times and dh forgave him each time. I'm obviously not saying that was why he got sick but I'm obviously not ruling it out.

No words just no words

amother

Ecru

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 3:34 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

That was how my high school handled expelling kids. They would first find an acceptable alternative and only then would they talk to the student. They would approach it more like 'we think you'll be happier with this other school' rather than 'we don't want you here'. They would be honest too when they said that because they really loved their students and they even allowed a girl to stay on in the school after attempting to get her to leave on her own because she told them she was too old to make new friends. As for me they didn't kick me out when I deserved it (it was a BY and I wasn't keeping Shabbos and I had boyfriends) because I told them if they kicked me out I would switch to public school because I needed a diploma.

These schools do exist.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 4:22 pm

My daughter was told in the crowded hallway of her high school that it would be better to leave and go to another school! I obviously took her out and my other daughters from the elementary school as soon as I was able to.
My daughter was too upset to tell me and I heard it from a few other Mothers who's daughters came home horrified!
BH, she changed schools and had an amazing rest of High School, she is a good girl, who is not typical but follows rules, somehow they labeled her as bad and troubled.

What bothers me is how the staff are all very from rebbetzins that re looked up to and respected by the community and there are so many others like my daughter.

A similar thing happened to my sons friend, we found out later that the school had put too many on one class, so looked for a few boys they can kick out!

I wonder how these mechanchim can sleep at night!

I've seen so many kids damaged for good by "choshive" people

shoshanim999

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 4:27 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe you should say "if this is in fact the entire story, the school needs to close". Maybe the kid was being chutzpadik, brought knives to school, was being violent with other kids, brought sx magazines to school, had a disgusting mouth, ect. The OP certainly means well but probably knows very little about what actually happened.

SRS

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 5:27 pm

Was a school rally called and the child kicked out in front of everyone? Or did the child flout the rules (after several warnings) publicly in front of everyone and was told to leave now, more in the heat of the moment? Perhaps some do not see a different, but I think context matters.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 6:45 pm

amother wrote:

Kol hakavod that you and your husband are with us. I don't know how you got from a to here but I'm really impressed!

CatLady

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 10:18 pm

Was the child on the OP suspended for a few days or expelled permanently from the school? This makes a difference.

As for the amother whose DH was the subject of the entire class' telling him negative things about himself, I have no words. I want to cry for the little boy who was so unfairly targeted.

Miri7

Sun, Jan 31 2016, 11:48 pm

School administration should go out of their way to avoid embarrassing the students. Any action - punishment, expulsion, even sending home because of lice - should be done in private.

Find out if the story is true. There is no justification for such behavior and I wouldn't send my kids there. The teachers and RY are not living the middot I want my kids to learn. And my kids do learn middot from the adults around them. Both good and bad.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 1:26 am

shoshanim999 wrote:

There is no excuse for embarrassing in public. You're justifying why she for kicked out. I agree that there may be more to the story and that she may have deserved to be expelled. But Hashem yerachem on someone who embarrasses someone in public.

This story makes me want to throw up.

DrMom

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 1:37 am

Miri7 wrote:

I would stress this point - find out if this is true. There may be more than one side to the story, or missing information.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 5:23 am

DD was kicked out of a yeshivish school in the middle of second grade, right in the middle of class. exDH and I were called into the office, and they wouldn't tell us why over the phone. I thought something horrible had happened.

The principle told us that DD was "unteachable" and that she was not welcome back. I told them that our only alternative was public school, and he just looked at me like "so?" I was crying at this point, imagining my sweet Jewish girl being thrown to the wolves.

DD's "crime"? She wasn't participating enough, because she was overwhelmed and has some learning issues. They did not give us a warning that they were having problems with her, they did not give us a chance to fix things, and they were not interested in getting her evaluated for an IEP.

They only wanted in the box kids, and didn't want anyone who would "make extra work for them". Basically, they just threw her away like trash.

This happened on a Thursday, the day before the big Purim party that she'd been looking forward to all year long. They wouldn't let her come back the next day for the party, and they wouldn't even let her go hug her teachers goodbye.

She's 12 now, and she's still angry and bitter about it.

DrMom

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 5:44 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

DD's "crime"? She wasn't participating enough, because she was overwhelmed and has some learning issues. They did not give us a warning that they were having problems with her, they did not give us a chance to fix things, and they were not interested in getting her evaluated for an IEP.

Being too quiet gets you kicked out of school? shock

And to kick someone out of school in front of her peers for a learning issue? That is grossly insensitive and cruel.

chani8

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 5:45 am

Expelled in front of the 'whole school' can't possibly be accurate. Likely the whole school learned that she was expelled, but unless this was at a school assembly, I cannot see how this is anything but overdramatic.

The child knew she was breaking the rules, and she got kicked out for it. It's probably a good thing. She shouldn't be in a school that is so strict, that doesn't meet her need for allowing a phone.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 5:48 am

DrMom wrote:

Being too quiet gets you kicked out of school? shock

And to kick someone out of school in front of her peers for a learning issue? That is grossly insensitive and cruel.

I know, right? By the way they were acting, I seriously thought that she had flipped out and thrown a desk across the room.

When she can't understand something, and she's tried really hard, she gets "shut down", and just can't deal any longer. Sometimes all she needs is a short break to reset herself, or to have the teacher explain a bit more slowly.

Oh, and another thing. There are a few boys in that school who have HUGE learning issues, but they don't get kicked out because 1. "boys need to learn Torah" (and girls don't?) 2. Their dads are big name rabbis, and 3. They pay full tuition.

abound

Mon, Feb 01 2016, 6:12 am

K, so the school has a rule about no phones. Maybe they sent home a notice to the parents and/or anounced to all the kids that there is a no tolerance policy for cell phones in school. The kids are all listening..........but they know they need to enforce. The principal walks into the hallway during recess or class and finds this kid blatantly disregarding the school rule and watching a movie or showing his freinds something or just using the phone in full view of everyone. The principal stops the kid, tells him/her to pack up and leave. It was done because the child completely disregarded the school in full view of the "entire school"
I am playing devils advocate here, but I can see how something like this can happen without it being that the school is in the wrong.