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Trying to break off friendship with control freak



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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Sun, Jan 31 2016, 12:51 pm
I have a friend who is absolutely clueless when it comes to manners and etiquette. She is constantly trying to tell me what to do. She does not respond to the usual "It's my turn to say something" or "this is my decision and please respect me". She keeps reaching out to me. Every so often I will talk to her because I feel sorry for her. When I do she always gives me a rundown of her accomplishments that I've heard dozens of times already. I feel sorry for her but when we speak I just want to jump off the roof. What should I do?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 31 2016, 1:07 pm
Use caller ID, and don't pick up or return her calls. When you run into her, if she pushes to get together, be vague and talk about how busy you are.

It's important to be polite and kind, but life is too short to suffer something with relatively little positive outcome, an a big negative one.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Sun, Jan 31 2016, 1:41 pm
It's hard. This Shabbos she knocked on my door to invite us to her house for dessert. I know from past experience that she will control the conversation and talk about her accomplishments. If I say anything then she will give me unwanted advice and I will want to shoot myself in the foot. I probably hurt her feelings by not accepting her invitation.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 31 2016, 3:43 pm
You did the right thing.

It isn't easy to say no, knowing you will disappoint someone, but sometimes, it is necessary.

Your feelings matter, too.

Once, a young man wrote to Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, to ask how he could break off things with the girl he was dating in the most kind and courteous way, so that she "wouldn't feel rejected." Miss Manners replied that she would help him be courteous, but, for heaven's sake, don't opt for not making her feel rejected, or else he would just have to do it all over again, as that was the point of breaking it off.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 31 2016, 5:11 pm
jumping off the roof & shooting yourself in the foot seem a bit extreme considering there are people who really do same

if you don't want to go simply say "no thanks" while still being polite ...
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