Soon to be Mum of 2 under 2 beH- looking for tips ;)

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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BatZion

Wed, Feb 03 2016, 8:27 am

Hi

Please Gd will be giving birth Purim time. Oldest will be 15 months beH. Starting to get nervous just thinking about coping during the day with both kids - happy SAHM bH but it took me a good few months to get into a routine with first- meaning until I felt confident and now I feel we have a generally good routine- I can't fathom how it'll work with a newborn too.
Would love any tips from experienced ladies out there please!

Optione

Wed, Feb 03 2016, 10:06 am

My first two were a year apart. Two things that kept me sane: 1. Telling myself that "right now everyone's fine" aka- taking it one moment at a time and 2. Getting outside A LOT. I remember my one-year-old sitting in the stroller looking around as I held ny newborn. Bshaa tova!

BatZion

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 5:27 am

thanks Optione Smile

Would appreciate hearing more from other ladies!

amother

Lime

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 7:09 am

1. Daven! I had a really difficult first and was all worried how I'd manage but b"H my second is waaaaay easier!
2. Prep your kid now. This is especially true if you're home with her all the time.
Yours is younger than mine but don't underestimate their understanding! It really helps them cope. Get a book ideally because then she can keep reading it when the baby comes.
3. More than just going out (which is super helpful), I let my first walk (again, yours is younger but take short trips to the park) and put the baby in a carrier. That way the oldest feels more focused on - the baby is almost tucked away.
4. Give them each (I felt like I was neglecting my baby because I was so focused on my oldest!) some alone time once a day. This is hard but it really makes a difference.
5. Read Siblings without Rivalry. It doesn't really discuss younger kids so much but it helps you feel normal anyway.
6. Know that whatever reaction your oldest is taking is normal. It's a really significant change for them and it's a struggle. Be very very loving (and forgive yourself when you just can't because you're too drained/tired etc.)
7. Make sure you eat well, stay hydrated, and take vitamins. You may not be able to get much sleep so this is crucial, crucial, crucial. Stock up on some easy, filling snacks if you know you have a hard time getting meals in when there's a new baby.
8. Forgive yourself for lapses. You are only human. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

A lot of people told me to keep the baby out of sight as much as possible. I had a hard time with that because it felt like I was shutting her away (I was also wondering how people did that since I had to hold my first 24/7 but that's a different story) but I do see that when she takes a long nap stretch it helps for her to be out of the way.

Hatzlacha! It gets easier (and harder and easier and harder over and over again!)!

amother

Brown

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 7:38 am

Mine were also 15 months. It's hard! I didn't nurse so that made it easier. I started taking them out immediately. I put the baby in a carrier. B'shaa tova!

amother

Khaki

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 7:57 am

With the second, remember you are more confident with handling babies in general. It's not all new like with the first.

I don't remember if I ever did this, but I know people who buy a little doll for their toddler, so that he can pretend to be taking care of his baby, while you deal with the real one.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 8:28 am

amother wrote:

2. Prep your kid now. This is especially true if you're home with her all the time.
Yours is younger than mine but don't underestimate their understanding! It really helps them cope. Get a book ideally because then she can keep reading it when the baby comes.

At what point do you tell your toddler about the baby? They have no concept of time so he would expect the baby every day.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 8:41 am

Stay in the hospital the entire time allowed, even if they are willing to let you out early and you miss your older one.
Take whatever help you can get.
Eat well and sleep as much as you can.
Don't go shopping-order everything to be delivered. If someone else would have done it have them use the time to help you with something else.
Get cleaning help if you can afford it.
Use only plastic.

All o this for at least 3-6 months.

Do not overdo yourself. If you feel awesome, and want to overdo it in the beginning, don't. Instead relax. You can't afford be too tired to to take care of Kids any time of day or night.

salt

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 8:47 am

amother wrote:

At what point do you tell your toddler about the baby? They have no concept of time so he would expect the baby every day.

I don't think you can prepare a 15 month old toddler about a baby.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 9:16 am

My first was bh an angel baby. I didnt even fuly realize it until my next one came around 22 months later. My second came out screaming and hasnt stopped since. A much more difficult / needy child. I was talking to my pediatritiin about it and she said that it is not proven in studies, but she has seen over the years that personality/nature of a child varries from child to child almost like a pattern.. if #1 was an easy child than #2 will be more difficult and #3 will be easyer come #4 and thst one will be harder..... well see what happens with my #3 I sure hope it will be an easyer child...

Beyla

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 10:01 am

My first two babies were 16 months apart bh and it was very hard to be alone with them all the day in the beginning. I was also a SAHM. I always tried to have someone to come visit or to go out in the beginning because I felt so much lighter than inside my little home where I felt sometimes trapped.
I took it very easy : cook the bare minimum, buy take out, cleaning lady... Take your time! Bh 6 months later I was totally managing with them both home all day!

lfab

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 10:19 am

My first 2 are 13 months apart. I think the biggest sanity saver for me was allowing myself to be ok with good enough. If there was food on the table for dinner it was good enough for it to be a simple chicken and potatoes or pasta and cheese; no need for anything gourmet. If the house wasn't a disaster of a mess it was good enough; no need for it to be absolutely spotless. Don't expect perfection from yourself, and make sure your husband doesn't either! It also helps if DH is willing to pitch in and help out (ie. do the dinner dishes, sweep the floors, etc.).

Also realize, just like it took you a few months to find a routine with your first it will take you a few months to find a good routine when you add a second. Tell yourself to take it one day at a time. Look back on that time with your first and keep telling yourself that you know it will get easier, just like it did with your first.

Try to keep your older child's routine the same as much as possible. Obviously there will still be an adjustment period of some sort but the less upheaval DC #1 has the easier it will be.

Personally I found that at this age they are so little that by the time baby is 2 weeks old they don't even remember a time without baby around and they adapt to life with a sibling. When they are older and they remember what it was like when they had their parents undivided attention there is likely to be a longer adjustment period. At least that's been my experience (but it also depends on your child's personality, some children just adapt more easily than others).

In terms of practical solutions to make it a little easier: try to stock your freezer before baby is born so you can just pull out food for dinner, snacks, etc. Meatballs, sloppy joes, various soups, kugels, muffins, and more are all great to have on hand. Stock up on anything you can (ie. toilet paper, paper towels, cereal, cleaning supplies, etc.). This will prevent you from having to run out for any of these items because you were so busy and you didn't realize that you were on the last roll of toilet paper and now it's 10 p.m. and you need more and now you have to run to the store when all you really want is to crawl into bed. I usually try to stock up on enough non-perishables to get us until baby is about 2 months old.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 2:30 pm

BatZion wrote:

Hi BatZion, I can relate to your anxiety. My first two children were born approx 17 months apart. It had its challenges. Most of the challenges were due to the fact that my firstborn son was challenged in the sleep department. He needed to be rocked to sleep in his stroller for his daytime nap, so it was hard work if the baby started to cry when the older one was being rocked to sleep.... I am grateful that at that point in mylife I lived close to my parents, as my mother was unbelievably helpful, I really would have found it harder without her. For subsequent births, my mother was thousands of miles away, and it was much harder...
I hope you have a good support system, doesnt have to be family, could be friends.
It also didnt help that baby #2 was very colicky until about 5/6 months old...

Some tips:
1)make sure your oldest baby is in a good sleep routine
2) if your husband is not so involved in your baby's routine right now, make sure he knows how everthing runs before your due date, so that things run more smoothly after you give birth.
3) if you have friends locally , or family elsewhere in the country who offer to help out with anything, please say yes to any help that is offered even if you usually hate to accept help
4) suggestion for while nursing (or bottlefeeding) your infant: make it a routine thing that at feeding time, your toddler sits next to you and you read a book to him. that will help him to not feel sidelined . it is very important that he doesnt come to resent the baby
5) make sure to find lots of time to spend with your toddler.
6) take as many shortcuts as you can afford, cook even more simply than usual, accept offers of meals, teach your husband how to cook if he doesnt already know how to.

Above all: hang in there and know that each challenging period of life will pass, Try to stay calm! good luck
b'shaah tovah

going anon because of personal info

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 2:36 pm

I have a 4 month old and 16 month its very hard in the beginning but its also beautiful. My daughter loves the baby she loves to play with him. I find that going out to work and having cleaning help once a week is what keeps me sane, if not I don't think I would manage.
also its ok to let the baby cry for a little sometimes you don't have another choice.

Good luck you need it Smile

amother

Papaya

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 2:40 pm

more thoughts

1 warn your husband in advance that it is going to be incredibly hard for you, and he might just findthat you literally throw one or both of the kids at him as he walks in the door at the end of his day, and he wil have to deal with it with a smile and be patient and loving to you adn the kids! forewarned is forearmed.
2 dont expect to be able to clean for Pesach. Write up (now before you give birth) a list of what needs cleaning in your apartment/house, ie vital things without which your home will not be kasher l'pesach, not non necessities. Make sure your husband has that list, make sure he (or a cleaning lady) does everything on it. HIM, NOT YOU!

sweetpotato

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 2:48 pm

Mine are 19 months apart. The best thing I did before DD2 was born was be totally committed to resting after the birth. What helped the most was that my husband was really committed to this too, so we did a lot of things to ensure I would be able to spend the first week almost completely off my feet. It was amazing but also really necessary. It set me up so much better to cope with two little ones.

You've gotten tons of good advice, so I'll just add another random one. Something that was unexpectedly hard in the first week or so was being OK with *not* taking care of my older daughter. It was emotionally hard to be focusing 100% of my energy on the newborn, and not on the physical needs of my older daughter, who was still very much a baby herself! So make sure that you aren't responsible for phsycially caring for your older child in the first few days or week, but also make sure you have some private time to cuddle with them and spend time. For me, at least, it was more for my emotional benefit than my daughters.

amother

Mint

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 6:51 pm

what helped me was taking it one day at a time, and telling myself that this won't be forever. Now that my boys are 2 and 3.5 they are best friends and playmates. And in a lot of ways things are much easier for me then my friends with one kid that age - they get bored and always want their mother's attention, while my boys always have each other. So even if its hard at first, remember to keep telling yourself that it wont be forever.

What I found helpful with jealously was that I always referred to the baby as our - ex "lets go put our baby in for a nap" or as yours "what a cute baby you have"- (he used to feel so proud and good about himself when I said that). or when the baby learned something new "I would call him excitedly look what our baby learned to do...- this way they both got attention at the same time.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 6:54 pm

Rule in my house:

Kids fed and bathed. Clothes washed. Food for supper.

Everything else is a bonus.

groisamomma

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 7:51 pm

amother wrote:

Rule in my house:

Kids fed and bathed. Clothes washed. Food for supper.

Everything else is a bonus.

Wow, that's a lot to expect. DC was 10.5 months when I had DC#2. Two weeks later dh learned how to do laundry.

amother

Smokey

Thu, Feb 04 2016, 8:14 pm

groisamomma wrote:

Wow, that's a lot to expect. DC was 10.5 months when I had DC#2. Two weeks later dh learned how to do laundry.

Wow. So you really can get pg that first pp mikvah.

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