Moving to Lakewood-Regret?

L K

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 1:22 pm

I'm joining too.

What's with the "organization"?

Let's post times when you're available, or times that are not good at all and take it from there.

Off the top of my head the options for place would be circa, the coffee house (French press?). Circa is easier in terms of parking.

amother

Blush

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 1:43 pm

Here is my experience, I'll probably get bashed...

I left Lakewood before my kids were school age. We are black hat and yeshivish but my husband works and my neighbors wouldn't speak to me. I would go out with my kids and everyone would suddenly disappear the second I went back in everyone magically reappeared again. I over heard them talking about me all the time from my window since they all camped out at my door blocking my entrance.
Perhaps I lived in a bad place, I don't know but it was too much for me. I do miss the large space we lived in, but other than that I am happy I left. But I get that some people like it there. But if you don't fit into your neighborhood then you will be miserable.

L K

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

Wow, just wow. That is really over the top.
I really feel bad that you had to go through this, I hope you are in a better place now.

My development isn't like that but I have a friend who used to live in a small complex full of gossipers. Her kids called that group "the loshon hora club." And there were some other crazy things there, like a little kid walking around with a knife or a stick and threatening other kids, or trying to slash them on the legs shock

From experiences people post here on the forum it seems that neighborhoods vary greatly, and range from lovely and friendly ones to pareve to grotesque.

Wishing all those of us that haven't found their place clarity and hatzlacha.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:05 pm

[quote="amother"]

debsey wrote:

I came to a few realizations that I think really helps your sanity in Lakewood:
1) Not everyone is cut out for development living (I'm not) and if you do live in a development, make sure you fit in to the crowd. Developments, being self-contained, are prone to groupthink and HS style dynamics (based on the 3 developments I've lived in)

I second that! . No development for me

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:12 pm

L K wrote:

I heard a horrible story coming from an older development of a group of boys ganging up on one little girl to 'pull down her underware' ... this only comes from a tremendous lack of supervision ...

debsey

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:14 pm

amother wrote:

PERHAPS you lived in a bad place? You definitely lived in a bad place!
You speak only truth, why should you be bashed?
That being said, I'm sorry you gave up on Lakewood based on development living. Developments are like high school, with all the "mean girl" stuff and all that "fake nice, actually snobby" dynamics (like everyone magically melting away when the "out" girl comes out.) I just think all that enforced closeness causes those dynamics. You're this little island of 25 families and it turns into a repeat of high school.

L K

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:28 pm

amother wrote:

I moved to Lakewood a few years ago from Brooklyn. I am thrilled here. It is a community like any other. You need to be careful to move onto a block that is your "type" and I am sure you will do great. Make sure your neighborhood has a shul and a rav that your husband will be comfortable with, and that there are children your kids can play with.
....
It seems like there are a lot of negative people on the Lakewood threads these days, but all the people I speak to in this wonderful town, are quite happy to be living here. Be positive, make sure to move to an area with like minded people, and I don't think you will regret the move at all!

I agree that it is important to move into the right neighborhood.

That being said, unfortunately, not everyone is lucky to initially move to the right place.

I don't think it is fair to call those that suffer Ina wrong place negative people. Can it be expected that one not become negative when her neighbors avoid and badmouth her? Or Blame one whose husband stops going to shul because of being snubbed?
Or expect someone who has zero social friends to be positive about it?

L K

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 2:32 pm

amother wrote:

I heard a horrible story coming from an older development of a group of boys ganging up on one little girl to 'pull down her underware' ... this only comes from a tremendous lack of supervision ...

Agreed, from lack of supervision (over the boys I say), and sometimes from parents that are off the wall and kids only copy what they see at home. Ex: a girl hitting my dd really hard right in front of my husband, or her brother refusing to leave my house, removing his belt and threatening to "belt" my kids and my husband!

amother

Plum

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 3:41 pm

amother wrote:

where did you live???? Half of lakewood works (or maybe more). That makes no sense! Did you have a tv? Were your kids watching videos or something like that that the parents didn't want their kids to know about?

amother

Ginger

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 4:07 pm

amother wrote:

Honestly Im still trying to understand this no working business. Isn't a father supposed to bring in a parnassah so that his family can survive? How on earth do non working people pay their bills? That being said, by speaking about you, do these ladies think loshon hora is better than speaking to a woman whose husband works??? I mean puleeaaazze

amother

Jade

Fri, Feb 05 2016, 4:11 pm

amother wrote:

OP here, some of you are really scaring me. Do all developments have this same high school like attitude? What about housing projects that are built in an already established neighborhood-not a development?

I haven't encountered this in the development I live in.
Ladies are cordial, send something for each other's simchas and shmooze at the playground or on their front lawns.

However, I'm the posted who hasn't made real friends here in many years and am looking for a new place.
I'm also the poster whose husband hates it here, in the complex and in local shuls.

Heyaaa

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 1:50 pm

I think it's safe to say that most lakewooders are happy there as is evidenced by the fact that it grows every year.

Some developments have snobby brats and some are really close knit and nice.

I don't live in Lakweood and I never want to live there but I do believe that if people are snobby it's more to do with their personalities than it is because they live in a development. It's also likely that most of them came to this specific development because they knew others who lived there or were planning to move there and those friends helped break them in. If they were babies then they probably hoped that no one else would come trying to force their way into their clique. I doubt that the newcomers could do anything to become friends with these people even if she were exactly exactly like them.

amother

Blush

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 6:47 pm

amother wrote:

No I don't have a tv and my kids don't really watch anything. Seriously are you blaming me for their behavior??

Emotional

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 8:20 pm

Come on everyone. There are snobby people, and yentas, and nice people, in Lakewood, in Brooklyn, in Baltimore, in Timbuktu, in developments, outside of developments, and possibly in outer space (but I've never checked).
You (the generic you) had a bad experience? That's unfortunate, but to say that all developments are snobby or the whole Lakewood is snobby because of that is really unfair and untrue.
Like another poster said, ALOT more people are moving into Lakewood than moving out, so most people must be happy here.

debsey

Sat, Feb 06 2016, 8:22 pm

amother wrote:

See, I had the exact opposite experience - I was the nebby Kollel wife whose kids weren't matching and who couldn't compete in the "extravagant dish of the millennium" club. Some of my neighbors were also Kollel wives, but let's just say - different tax brackets, by several orders of 0000s. It hurt, especially when some of my little kids started experiencing social exclusion, and I cannot believe the difference in my life since I moved. If you do move to a development, move with some friends or move to one where you know you fit in. Otherwise, it's really not a fun experience.