Would you want to know?

chani8

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 11:33 am

If you can figure out who I am, mind your own business. Or friend me on FB.

I guess it comes down to, if you were walking by a neighbor's window, minding your own business, but movement caught your eye and when you glanced up, you could see your neighbor in a state of undress because her curtains were too sheer. Would you say something?

You probably should, but you better be very kind about it. Make sure to not cause her undue pain in the process. Don't say, "I saw you undressing", but rather, "I thought I saw movement, so maybe check your curtains for opacity."

IOW, not, "I know who you are in real life!" But rather, "I might know who you are, so maybe you want to be careful about sharing details." It's halachically ok to lie about details to protect your privacy.

PinkFridge

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 11:54 am

chani8 wrote:

FTR, I agree. So if anyone's plotzing to pm me, now you if/how to do it Tongue Out

Laiya

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 12:07 pm

amother wrote:

If someone figured out who you are?

Do you mean, you posted as amother and they figured out your screen name?

Or they figured out from your screen name, who you are IRL?

(For the former, I wouldn't care.)

animeme

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 12:09 pm

I figured someone out and haven't told her. I thought about it, because I figured it out due to a post that gave enough info that anyone who knew her would know, and I worried for her confidentiality with other people. But she doesn't seem to discuss personal stuff under her screen name. So I let it be.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 12:10 pm

Laiya wrote:

Do you mean, you posted as amother and they figured out your screen name?

Or they figured out from your screen name, who you are IRL?

(For the former, I wouldn't care.)

The second.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 12:17 pm

Where's the option for "I really don't care either way"?

If I put details up that will lead to my real life (and I have in the past) then I take responsibility for people coming to figure it out.

If I want things to remain anon, I post as amother, and I've been known to change tiny, insignificant details, to protect the identity of people not on this board, who might get traced back to me.

If anyone feels a strong need to connect with me, for emotional reasons, or whatever, I'm always open to PM's. I'm not a super-secret-squirrel about my life. Very Happy

33055

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 12:26 pm

chani8 wrote:

It's halachically ok to lie about details to protect your privacy.

I totally disagree with this halacha. Justifying dishonesty is not right. I was taught that it is OK to lie to your spouse also for BS. How does that build an honest mature relationship? DH is the other half of me. I rather he know me with all my flaws than know the person I wish to project.

The same goes for friendships. Go amother rather than lie. I don't want to bond with a phoney baloney person. It is a waste of both our time. Everyone went crazy about the poster who pretended to be someone she wasn't. Besides, it is hard to remember lies. I "caught" a very popular poster who had inconsistent stories. I lost all respect for anything she had to say.

I live in a world where halacha justifies fraud and protecting abusers. Sometimes we have to say that honesty is more important than justification.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 12:46 pm

In my case, it's more like "hey! I haven't spoken to you in years, how is everything?" not "I know who you are" (by PM of course, not on the board). I'm just hesitant as I don't want to embarrass her that I know her screen name in case she posted personal details about herself.

Fox

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 1:07 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

If I put details up that will lead to my real life (and I have in the past) then I take responsibility for people coming to figure it out.

This, 100 percent. Most Chicago Imamothers know exactly who I am, and the parts of my life that I wouldn't want public never see the light of day here.

I participate on Imamother fully cognizant that there is absolutely no privacy on the Internet. Period. If someone is truly determined to figure out who you are, it wouldn't be that hard.

Fortunately, most of us have no reason to attract that kind of scrutiny or resources. Unless you have some kind of Silk Road-style Dark Web thing going on and connect through Tor, nobody cares enough to check for IP bleeding, etc. Sorry if that's a disappointment.

The only responsible way to be an Imamother is to assume that everything you write could potentially be made public and linked to you if anyone cared enough to do so.

Lukshen

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 1:16 pm

I don't care either way. I don't trust the Internet with the intimate details of my life, so none of its out there.
If you figure out who I am IRL and judging by my screen name you assume I must like pasta (which I do!), good for you! But that's about as much as you'll get from me on these boards.

zaq

Sun, Feb 07 2016, 2:09 pm

Squishy wrote:

I was taught that it is OK to lie to your spouse also for BS.

Koff, koff, I think you mean SB. Or maybe you did mean BS, but that could hardly be the halacha.

Lying for SB does not mean one has carte blanche to lie because your spouse wouldn't like what you did. Lie to the wife, tell her you were at a shiur when you were out drinking with the boys--or, worse, girls? No, hon. That's not lying for the sake of SB--that's lying to save your miserable toches.

Lying for SB is more like saying that that dress the color of puke that hangs like a potato sack and makes you look like death warmed over that you bought for only $500 at an "all sales final" event is very nice and he's glad you bought it. Or your telling him that his agonizingly bad attempt at a Barak Obama impression that made him look not only stupid but inept and unfunny, was really a gem of comedic art. THAT's the kind of lie that's permitted for SB.