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Are there kids who age out of foster care with no home?
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 5:39 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I've been wondering how hard it would be to adopt one of those older foster kids in Israel. Dd is an only child, and she really wants to adopt a sister around her age (12 and up).

I was a pretty troubled kid and teen, so I can't think of much that would shock me. I can be really open minded and patient. We're not so machmir on things that an OTD kid would feel totally stifled and shoved into a box, either. We prefer the "kiruv by example" approach, and accepting people at the level the come from.

I'm thinking that over here, language is going to be the biggest barrier, and by the time I'm really fluent enough to understand the system I'll probably be too old to qualify. Sad


I know a frum anglo couple in Israel who adopted 2 children, one at birth and one when older.
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m in Israel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 5:40 am
zohar wrote:
I recently read an article in one of the Jewish publications, maybe Ami or Mishpacha. They interviewed forum foster families and they said that although the children aged out of the system, they remained part of the family and even helped mary them off.


There was an article in Mishpacha about foster care in the frum community. I know one of the people interviewed and quoted in the article. However those examples were in situations where the foster placement really worked -- the children were in the same family for a long time and were considered part of the family in every way, including of course support as they got older. Unfortunately there are many foster placements that don't work that way even before the child ages out -- and in those cases, yes, the children may be turned out once they age out.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 5:40 am
Iymnok wrote:
There are American kids in Israel who need homes too BTW. If you are really serious, I'm sure we can find people in the know.


I'd love to know more about it!

DH just left on a business trip, and he won't be back until Purim. We can still talk it over on the phone, and think about it really hard. To take on another human life is a HUGE commitment, one I'll be davening over a lot. It's exciting to think about!
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 6:28 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I've been wondering how hard it would be to adopt one of those older foster kids in Israel. Dd is an only child, and she really wants to adopt a sister around her age (12 and up).

I was a pretty troubled kid and teen, so I can't think of much that would shock me. I can be really open minded and patient. We're not so machmir on things that an OTD kid would feel totally stifled and shoved into a box, either. We prefer the "kiruv by example" approach, and accepting people at the level the come from.

I'm thinking that over here, language is going to be the biggest barrier, and by the time I'm really fluent enough to understand the system I'll probably be too old to qualify. Sad


AFAIK it is pretty hard to adopt in Israel. Social services are not quick to put kids up for adoption, however the agencies that place foster children are always looking.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 7:09 am
adopting in israel takes a long time. there is a long wait, close to 7 years. I have friends who adopted a one year old and it took a long time to pull it together. its not quick. that I know.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 7:43 am
zohar wrote:
I recently read an article in one of the Jewish publications, maybe Ami or Mishpacha. They interviewed forum foster families and they said that although the children aged out of the system, they remained part of the family and even helped mary them off.


All these stories notwithstanding, 3 out of the 4 foster kids I know were left to their own devices once they aged out at 18 or 21, with disastrous consequences Crying So I am skeptical of the claim that "most" of them stay on with their foster families.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 7:55 am
if they age out at 21 and are given free college tuition then they should be almost done college by the time they age out hopefully. There really should be "halfway" houses for them until they get on their feet. How terribly sad.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 8:13 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
adopting in israel takes a long time. there is a long wait, close to 7 years. I have friends who adopted a one year old and it took a long time to pull it together. its not quick. that I know.


I know that this is true of babies and toddlers. I was thinking of the older kids, the ones who might not be so cute and cuddly, have had run ins with the law, behavior issues, or medical needs.

I was very fortunate to adopt DD as a newborn, but I'm done with diapers now! I prefer someone who is old enough to make their own lunch in the morning. Wink
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 9:27 am
At 18 the institution needs your bed for a young. You're out.
Yes, what do you think?? that's why I'm so anti reporting.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 9:39 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I know that this is true of babies and toddlers. I was thinking of the older kids, the ones who might not be so cute and cuddly, have had run ins with the law, behavior issues, or medical needs.

I was very fortunate to adopt DD as a newborn, but I'm done with diapers now! I prefer someone who is old enough to make their own lunch in the morning. Wink


I think there are age restrictions for adopting, regardless- I read you need to be between 18 and 40 years older than the child. No clue if it's the same for foster families, or if there are exceptions such as for sibling sets.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2016, 5:47 pm
amother wrote:
if they age out at 21 and are given free college tuition then they should be almost done college by the time they age out hopefully. There really should be "halfway" houses for them until they get on their feet. How terribly sad.


What if a family would be open to taking in such a child for a year or two? Who do we call?
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etky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 12:38 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
adopting in israel takes a long time. there is a long wait, close to 7 years. I have friends who adopted a one year old and it took a long time to pull it together. its not quick. that I know.


Isn't it a shorter route though when the couple adopts the child that they've been fostering?
We know 4 or 5 couples here in the yishuv who are or who had been fostering children.
A few of them have adopted the children they were fostering and it didn't seem to take that long.
One couple that we are friendly with are fostering long term and can't adopt because the mother still retains parental rights. They take the child to visit with his birth family at a set schedule.
I have to say that everytime I see these kids with the wonderful, loving families that are fostering or have adopted them I am so moved. They've given these kids a shot at life that otherwise they wouldn't have had. It is a real הצלת נפשות.
Obviously it's not for everyone, for myriad reasons, but I can't think of a more worthwhile endeavor.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 2:41 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I know that this is true of babies and toddlers. I was thinking of the older kids, the ones who might not be so cute and cuddly, have had run ins with the law, behavior issues, or medical needs.

I was very fortunate to adopt DD as a newborn, but I'm done with diapers now! I prefer someone who is old enough to make their own lunch in the morning. Wink

Again, Israeli authorities prefer to take the foster care solution in almost all cases so there are very few children up for adoption even at older ages (there are probably more young children/babies up for adoption than older kids).
I do remember also you mentioned something about being an older mom and there is an age requirement for adoption as well as foster care.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 2:48 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I've been wondering how hard it would be to adopt one of those older foster kids in Israel. Dd is an only child, and she really wants to adopt a sister around her age (12 and up).

I was a pretty troubled kid and teen, so I can't think of much that would shock me. I can be really open minded and patient. We're not so machmir on things that an OTD kid would feel totally stifled and shoved into a box, either. We prefer the "kiruv by example" approach, and accepting people at the level the come from.

I'm thinking that over here, language is going to be the biggest barrier, and by the time I'm really fluent enough to understand the system I'll probably be too old to qualify. Sad


Perhaps consider foster care, because those organizations are much better to deal with than the adoption agency.

True you are open minded and not easily shocked, but remember that you've raised an FFB child. (eta - there are religious kids in need of a religious foster home.)

Social workers often speak english. However, you have to be communicate effectively with child.


Last edited by chani8 on Tue, Feb 09 2016, 2:55 am; edited 1 time in total
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 2:53 am
chanchy123 wrote:
Again, Israeli authorities prefer to take the foster care solution in almost all cases so there are very few children up for adoption even at older ages (there are probably more young children/babies up for adoption than older kids).
I do remember also you mentioned something about being an older mom and there is an age requirement for adoption as well as foster care.


It's not that they prefer to take the foster care solution, it's that they have very high restrictions on adoptibility. Probably as a tikkun for their past mistakes.

The preference is actually to find family members to foster or adopt the children. Extended family members get priority.

Older children are sent to penimias. And once they are in that system, it is unlikely they'll be cut loose for foster care or adoption. It's unfortunate. (eta - So there is a need for foster families for older kids so they dont go to penimia!)
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 3:07 am
chani8 wrote:
It's not that they prefer to take the foster care solution, it's that they have very high restrictions on adoptibility. Probably as a tikkun for their past mistakes.

The preference is actually to find family members to foster or adopt the children. Extended family members get priority.

Older children are sent to penimias. And once they are in that system, it is unlikely they'll be cut loose for foster care or adoption. It's unfortunate. (eta - So there is a need for foster families for older kids so they dont go to penimia!)


That's basically what I wanted to say, but I guess it didn't come out so great, also I don't have experience with the system so I wasn't so sure about the facts. Thanks for the clarification and imagine that's what I said in the first place.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 3:48 am
chanchy123 wrote:
... and imagine that's what I said in the first place.


Rolling Laughter Thumbs Up

(What you said was fine.)
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 4:10 am
Ruchel wrote:
At 18 the institution needs your bed for a young. You're out.
Yes, what do you think?? that's why I'm so anti reporting.

I don't understand how that's a reason to be "anti reporting." Why would it be better to grow up in an abusive family and still be there at age 18 than to age out of foster care? If you're going to say that the abusive/dysfunctional family would still care enough to not kick their child out, then they would presumably also care enough to take in a child who aged out of foster care. (Which as previous posters said is a thing that happens)
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 4:17 am
amother wrote:
I know someone who was in foster care and then just moved back in with the parents from whose home she was removed... Makes you wonder why the separation was necessary to begin with.

The answer could still very much be "yes."

Sometimes parents can't care for a younger child but an older teen can handle themselves well enough to cope with the same situation. As long as they're old enough to work, and use their own income to buy food and clothes. Doesn't mean a 12-year-old would have been safe in the same environment. Eg two separate cases I've seen of single parents who couldn't function well enough to parent younger kids (like, one couldn't manage to have food in the house - literally any food - despite getting all kinds of assistance) (and the parents agreed this was a problem, and agreed to foster care), but still loved their children and welcomed the older ones post high school.

Sometimes the environment isn't safe even for an 18-year-old, but kids go back because it's what's familiar.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 09 2016, 4:24 am
amother wrote:
I know someone who was in foster care and then just moved back in with the parents from whose home she was removed... Makes you wonder why the separation was necessary to begin with.

The mother could have gone to therapy
The parents may have divorced
A parent may have remarried
A parent may now have a stable job, and thus be able to provide and care for the children again
The child is more mature and confident now

There can be many reasons a parent cannot care for their children at one point, but can a few years later.
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