Help with seminary!

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 8:00 pm

It's looking like dd has gotten into zero of the schools she applied to. We have tried to push and gotten nowhere. She is going to be devastated (we don't know for sure yet, but it's likely.)

What can we do for her? Everyone who knows her knows how much she wanted e"y. She is not the type to come up with a lie and stick to it, like "I changed my mind." She's all about honesty and not hiding the truth. But saying, "I didn't get in" over and over will destroy her.

Her school is being only vaguely helpful with American schools. The whole support system they have for Israel doesn't seem to exist for American schools, including up to date knowledge of what's available and which school does what.

Does anyone have any ideas for us? She is so motivated, and wants a real seminary program, not just the limudei Kodesh have of a dual college/seminary program.

smileyface:)

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 8:04 pm

HUGS!!
bais yakov seminary or mo seminary?

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 8:11 pm

Bais yaakov, on the more open side.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 8:14 pm

In a very similar boat.
DD I think is still in denial.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 8:50 pm

amother wrote:

In a very similar boat.
DD I think is still in denial.

What are you going to do?

ROFL

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 10:00 pm

Try the neve yerushalim schools. It has been several years since I looked into it but they were much more open and willing than other seminaries.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 10:04 pm

We are looking at MO/DL seminaries. So, I can't help you, but feel your pain. Right now, we are waiting to see if the pleading letter results in anything. Otherwise, we don't know. I imagine she will go straight to college.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Feb 09 2016, 10:12 pm

ROFL wrote:

Try the neve yerushalim schools. It has been several years since I looked into it but they were much more open and willing than other seminaries.

Thanks. We tried the Neve school most suited for her and they said we're too late.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 12:32 am

HUGS. This must be so painful for you and your daughter.

I remember that in my school, girls that weren't accepted to a seminary told girls that they were deciding between the seminaries that they were accepted to. I don't know if it was just like this in my school, but it was considered really socially off for girls to admit that they weren't accepted anyplace. I don't think that this is the right time for your daughter to work on her middas ha'emes, you know what I mean? It's bad enough that she has to feel bad about not being accepted- at least she shouldn't have to feel stupid every time girls ask her about sem.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

greenfire

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 12:52 am

seminary isn't the end all ... she could find some sort of job & just focus on telling people of her new plan - no lying necessary

DrMom

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 12:56 am

amother wrote:

If she always dreamed of going to E"Y, perhaps she can explore junior-year-abroad type programs through her university.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 1:12 am

I'm so sorry OP. We are in the same boat. DD applied to only one, and it doesn't look like she is going to get in because they don't want a girl who is homeschooled. She loves the seminary, has great references and is so excited for the school. Despite my thought that she should apply to more than just the one, dh felt like there was not reason to apply to any more. ...and now we are stuck. Sad

November

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 2:10 am

Of course continue to help her to try to figure out plan B, but there are many things she can say besides "I didn't get into Seminary." How about "it wasn't in the cards for me this year" or "I've been focusing on my other options." It may take a bit of time to think of a line that suits her, but you/she can do it and it'll be worthwhile.

Iymnok

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 4:17 am

Is there another that's not exactly what you're looking for? Try calling the seminary and talk to the menahel. Explain your situation exactly, including that her school is not giving any help, support or advocation. Ask them for other suggestions. There may be new ones that you haven't heard of that have space.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 8:56 am

What about trying a shana bet program?
They usually are more flexible about applying late
She will have a totally different experience but I actually think that a lot more of the practical learning happens in shana bet ( the stuff that sticks with you for life)

Also the shana bets of seminaries that are to modern for he may be a good fit because shana bet girls are usually the shana alef who grew alot

PinkFridge

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 8:59 am

Hatzlacha to all!
I would suggest getting on a wait list and then exploring US seminaries. There really are some great options.
Are the principals at all helpful with getting girls in? AIUI there is a lot of behind the scenes stuff that goes on.

ETA: Are there any new sems opening up this year? Sometimes they're excellent options. They may be connected to another school, have a great infrastructure, and they're looking for good solid girls, even if they're not straight A students, to give them a good rep.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Wed, Feb 10 2016, 10:17 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Hotpink

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 9:04 am

A list of shana bet programs;
Moar Shana bet
darchei Bina shana bet
sharfmens shana bet
chedvas ( more right wing bais yaakov but the have an american-israeli class that is more similar to seminar/kesser chaya)
kitov sachra
Mochon Raya shana bet

Or how about doing a year in the michlala college program? Its in hebrew but otherwhise pretty similar experience (same dorms, same hashkafa)

Iymnok

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 9:08 am

There may still be openings, a girl accepted to 3 places will go to one, leaving two openings elsewhere.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 10:04 am

Back in the day, I only applied to one seminary (there weren't so many those days, though) and I didn't get in. Two weeks later I got in on Pending.

I just want to say that while it was painful to have no acceptance (and I want to validate how much more painful it must be when it's a few non-acceptances) it can be a growth experience. It does not have to destroy your DD, but if YOU as the parent say it will destroy her, then it just might. I want to tell you that it's YOUR job as a mother to not let that happen. The things you say to your child will make a BIG difference in how she takes it.

I remember that one of my teachers told me - may it be the only rejection you ever get in your life. And when I shidduch dated, no guy ever said no to me (though I said no to a few....). Similarly, may your daughter experience the growth that comes from this, so that Hashem will look at her and say, she has fully gained from this experience and she need never be tested in this area again. I once learned that the Pasuk says Kol Haneshama Tehallel Kah - we are supposed to serve Hashem with our entire soul - and the soul encompasses all of our emotions - that's why that Perek talks about various instruments that represent different emotions (music and emotions being strongly interconnected) so if we gain Shelaimus - completion - serving Hashem with a particular emotion - then we don't need to be tested again in that area.

When I wasn't accepted to seminary, my mother talked to me about other options, and how they might end up being the best thing for me. I considered getting a move on my degree, looking into programs with college credits, etc...and we discussed how looking back I might say I had one plan but Hashem's plan turned out to be the best for me......I went from tears to hope and optimism about my future. In the end, I was accepted to the seminary of my choice, but I'm sure Hashem had his plan so that it worked out this way for me, as it was the best for ME.

Your DD sounds like a wonderful, quality young lady - with middos that all of us can value and emulate - honesty, facing the truth. Help her have the courage to be honest and open and use her strengths to grow. She will add courage and fortitude to her honest core - what a wonderful combination in a human being. You can be proud of her. Wishing her a bright future B"EH.

Wed, Feb 10 2016, 11:59 am

Are any of the newer seminaries (opening this year/last year) a good fit? They are usually more flexible with a late applicant. What school is she in, do they do a good job of advocating/pushing for their students? there is usually a second round of acceptances.