Sending DD away for a weekend

amother

Blue

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 7:43 pm

My in laws want to take my 6 yr old DD to Florida for a weekend. She is my oldest and I would have 3 other kids home. I am very opposed to this idea but am I being silly?
Here are some reasons I oppose it:
-my in laws spend on luxuries and then complain they are in debt. This is especially touchy for us as they had pledged to pay our NYC rent so DH could go to school in NYC (their idea not ours and before we knew they had this tendency ) but then tell us we are a drain on them. Please don't spend one penny extra than what you promised (and we would never have moved here without that as we certainly can't afford NYC rent) on us. Not only would they buy her airfare, but I am sure she'd come back with new clothes, games, etc that are not necessary
-we don't give our children very much screen time and feel strongly about it both health wise and hashkafically. Whenever we get together my in laws show them movies/YouTube clips/facetime non stop on their phones even though I always ask them to stop. A weekend away would be a weekend full of screentime and exposure to (clean) media that we would never expose my kids to.
- they make it very obvious that they favor this child. The next in line is always a little jealous. He would feel left out. He would also be lonely without her as they are very close.
-they would probably feed her hechsherim I am not ok with. But nothing not kosher.
-I would miss my child alot. I am not getting a break by sending her away. If anything she is my helper!
This is getting long so I am going to leave it at these 4 points even though there are more smaller things too.
Am I being selfish and wrong?

oliveoil

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 7:52 pm

I do think you are wrong.

I would let her go. Let it be very clear to her that this is a special treat. I don't think one weekend of her being spoiled, or given things you wouldn't normally give her, will harm her.

On the contrary, if your six year old is a big sisters to three (!) younger kids - and, as you say, your helper - it sounds like a really good opportunity for her to have some undivided attention and be the only child.

The only thing on your list that concerns me is the favoritism. But make up now that the next big trip will be the next child's.

penguin

Mon, Feb 22 2016, 8:17 pm

I disagree with poster above.
If they don't respect your standards as to screens and hechsherim, I don't think I would send a child with them unsupervised. As far as you know they only show her 'clean' videos, but very possibly their standards are different than yours.

They had their chance to be parents. They don't get to decide how to parent your kids.

I do think the waste of money and they fact that they complain about giving you help they promised are pretty irrelevant. I would be more concerned with the points I mentioned.

But of course everyone has things that bother them more or less than they bother others.