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Survey question: who pays for wedding?
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anya1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 6:53 am
I'd like to take a survey to find out who pays for a wedding. When you respond state what type of community you are from (yeshivaish, modern orthodox etc) and if you are in Israel or chul.

I was told by someone in the US who is modern orthodox that the kallahs side always pays and this is known across the board. Seems old fashioned and unfair to me but I am interested to know if this is the standard or not.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 7:47 am
I live out of town in America. My parents and in-laws split our wedding 50/50.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 7:53 am
I live in Israel but parents are both American. MO. Split 50/50.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 8:01 am
Hi Im regular yeshivish my parents did 50/50 but it is true usually kallas pay for everything besides music photographer and flowers that what choson pays
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 8:05 am
Hi Im regular yeshivish my parents did 50/50 but it is true usually kallas pay for everything besides music photographer and flowers that what choson pays
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 8:07 am
Yeshivish, Tri State area, my parents paid for everything besides flowers, photographer and music. My parents also support us now. In laws don't give a dime but expect my parents to give a LOT. I hate the system Sad
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 8:08 am
50/50 OOT America, but it wasn't a given. Both sides had heard of FLOPS but decided to do it this way. In the end, we ended up with my side paying more because the guest numbers were pretty uneven and my parents offered to pay proportionally.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 8:15 am
Lubavitch. We married off sons.
We gave a set amount we could afford after paying our overseas travel expenses.
This amount covered basic flop plus a bit. In all our sides expenses were always much higher, due to travel incurred to the Kallas home town.
And let's not forget jewlery & candlesticks.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 8:28 am
Israel, MO. We paid for it ourselves- I didn't look at specifically what came from whose bank account since all assets have been shared since the wedding.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:14 am
NY area. MO. Our parents split everything 50/50.
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shacn




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:19 am
My husband doesn't come from a well to do home so the parents paid what they could which pretty much was flowers, band, and photography. We paid the rest (hall food etc). Modern yeshivish. NY. My siblings all did 50/50 though. Didn't hear of FLOPS Til I met my husband. Parents were ok with it because they had more control of hall and food.
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anya1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:25 am
Is paying for FLOPS an American thing? In Israel, there is not usually a lot of liquor at a frum wedding and whatever there is (beer and wine), is part of the cost of the meal in my experience. Also, not everyone has flowers. We made a wedding in a hall that had nice artificial flowers and the centerpieces were very pretty and didn't use flowers. We only paid a little bit extra to decorate the chupah with some real flowers.

Is paying for FLOPS considered less of an expense then paying for the meal? I'd think so.
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Maryann




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:25 am
Whats flops?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:29 am
there are no normative payers - there are people who claim they exist
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:30 am
Maryann wrote:
Whats flops?


F ~ flowers
L ~ liquor
O ~ orchestra
P ~ photographer
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anya1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:32 am
Maryann wrote:
Whats flops?


I asked the same question yesterday Confused
Stands for Flowers, Liquor, Orchestra, Photography, Sheitel"


Last edited by anya1 on Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:32 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:32 am
greenfire wrote:
F ~ flowers
L ~ liquor
O ~ orchestra
P ~ photographer


S-- sheitel
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:32 am
We do 50/50.
I was under the impression that FLOP is a little outdated and not done so commonly anymore.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:38 am
For my chasunah, while I grew up OOT Modern yeshivish (meaning I went to BY but didn't hold strictly to doing "what's done") so we split it all. Plus DH is BT so we didn't do the whole gift exchange stuff, my parents bought my sheitel. We didn't want to pressure his parents or scare them off. It was a weird event for them anyways :-).

Just do what works for you.
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anya1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 24 2016, 9:42 am
amother wrote:
For my chasunah, while I grew up OOT Modern yeshivish (meaning I went to BY but didn't hold strictly to doing "what's done") so we split it all. Plus DH is BT so we didn't do the whole gift exchange stuff, my parents bought my sheitel. We didn't want to pressure his parents or scare them off. It was a weird event for them anyways :-).

Just do what works for you.


So far almost everyone has said it was 50/50 which is what I expected. Of course everyone has to do what works for them. I was super surprised to hear that this modern orthodox family paid for the whole wedding for their daughter.

What is the gift exchange thing?
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