Open mouth - insert foot

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Eemaof3

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:12 pm

I saw a member of our smallish community earlier today. I don't see her very often because of our disparate schedules. I thought she looked very good so I complimented her that it looked like she had lost weight. She said she had, "especially with all that was going in her life." I looked at her quizzically and then she said matter of factly, "the divorce and all." I apologized profusely, explaining that I had no idea. She went on to say her spouse had moved out and that she had lost 35 pounds. At this point she was leaving and our conversation ended, much to my relief. I feel so foolish though I know it was no direct fault of my own. So much giving someone a compliment!

imasinger

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:52 pm

That can happen to anyone, to hear surprising news that happened a while back. Whether the news is sad, like yours, or happy ("My DS is getting married in 3 days; your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail, so sorry!"), it can make both parties feel a bit foolish.

Once the moment is past, the nicest thing you can do is call and do what you would have done if you heard sooner. In this case, perhaps, "Just wanted to tell you that I am sorry I didn't know to offer sooner, given the burden you've been under. I know this is coming late, but is there anything I can do? Help with child care or kid transportation? Go for walks and be a sympathetic ear? I'm here, and I care."

abaker

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 8:54 pm

I feel like you did in fact compliment her and she made it awkward by bringing up the divorce. She simply could have said thank you and smiled but I guess maybe she was looking to vent about the divorce which Imo is awkward even if you did know about it prior to this whole conversation.

shirachadasha

Thu, Feb 25 2016, 9:58 pm

If I were that woman I would be pleased to realize that my personal difficulties are not the talk of the town.

Iymnok

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 3:33 am

When someone close to me told me she was going through a divorce, I said, "should I say Mazal tov, or I'm sorry to hear that?" She laughed.

Eemaof3

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 6:14 am

Thank you ladies. You have made feel better about it.

amother

Smokey

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 6:37 am

OP, I think your interaction was fine, but maybe this should serve as a reminder to all not to compliment other's bodies. Weight loss can be a result of lots of things, both good and bad, and either something that they worked on or was the consequence of something else, and talking about someone else's body is just not appropriate. It also perpetuates a really sick aspect of our society.

You can say that look, happy or seem energetic, or that you like their scarf or that a color compliments them or that their outfit really suits them.

yo'ma

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 7:56 am

On a lighter note, I heard this line on a show. This woman came to work the day after kicking her dh out and asked a coworker, "how do I look? I lost 175 lbs" . LOL

observer

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 10:33 am

Nothing wrong with your interaction... I was waiting for the punchline!

Page 1 of 1