How responsible should a 1st grader be?

sunshine5

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 8:55 am

I feel like screaming to the roof. My daughter misssed the bus Again because of looking for her shoes. If id have a $1 for every minute we look for shoes in the morning I'd be a millionare. Am I unreasonable for expecting my daughter to know where her shoes are, to know where she took them off, to Always put her shoes om the designated place??
While were at it, can anyo e advise how to help her be more organized? Shes not davka disorganized but definitely go the shluchy side. (other advice then modeling it myself)

5*Mom

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 9:04 am

sunshine5 wrote:

You're expectations are too high. First grade is very very little. If there is skill you want her to learn, you have to spend lots of time teaching it and helping her practice. This is your job as a parent.

You need to build an evening routine that includes laying out her clothes and shoes, preparing her backpack and anything else that will be needed during the morning rush. You can either make a fun and happy looking chart that has picture cues that she can go through herself (the chart is just for cuing, not for prizes; not necessary) and check off what she's done, or you can do it together for a few weeks and build in verbal cues, then you do less and less while cuing her verbally to do more herself. It takes time to build a routine and teach organizational skills but the investment now is worth it in the long run.

Please don't let her pick up on your frustration and negative feelings. There's nothing wrong with your daughter.

doublemama

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 9:05 am

That is so frustrating! The only thing that has worked for my DC through the years is getting everything ready the night before. Absolutely everything. We have the clothes laid out, backpack and shoes in their place by the door, socks ready to put on, homework checked in the bag. In the beginning it took an hour to get ready for the next day but now (5 years later) they are in the swing of it and will do it naturally.

It is a pain to be a constant nag about it but I would rather nag a little at night than scream and yell in the morning because we are late.

alef12

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 9:14 am

She's a little girl, you're the adult. If you want her to be organized you have to teach her how (the previous poster had a great idea with the chart). Alternatively, you can keep track of her things yourself, this is easier in the short run. For the long term, though, the smartest is to train her to be responsible. It's a process, I've finally gotten there with my teenagers (at least in regard to their shoes and clothes Wink

)

lfab

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 9:17 am

If this is a consistent problem one solution is to prepare everything the night before. Make a checklist for her and make her go over it the night before. Include things like homework in backpack, shoes in bedroom, etc. Spend 2-5 minutes going over it with her each night. This way there's no rush in the morning. Over time she can start going over the checklist herself and hopefully it will eventually become habit and she'll do it on her own.

Ema of 5

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 9:28 am

5*Mom wrote:

Right. So that's why you have her practice putting them in the same place every night. My kids shoes (and mine) come off as soon as we get home, and they stay by the front door. I have a daughter in first grade, who is exactly like OP describes. I REMIND her to put her clothes in the hamper, REMIND her to put her homework in her knapsack, REMIND her to put in her lunch and snacks....but I don't do it for her.

Quote:

You need to build an evening routine that includes laying out her clothes and shoes, preparing her backpack and anything else that will be needed during the morning rush. You can either make a fun and happy looking chart that has picture cues that she can go through herself (the chart is just for cuing, not for prizes; not necessary) and check off what she's done, or you can do it together for a few weeks and build in verbal cues, then you do less and less while cuing her verbally to do more herself. It takes time to build a routine and teach organizational skills but the investment now is worth it in the long run.

Very good ideas

Quote:

Please don't let her pick up on your frustration and negative feelings. There's nothing wrong with your daughter.

1000000%

tichellady

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 12:43 pm

I am laughing because I can never find my shoes or my sweater. I once wore two different shoes to work! Some people are more absent minded than others... Obviously progress can be made, but there often is a strong personality component to this.

I think the above advice is good. In fact, maybe I will try to keep it for myself.

imasinger

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 2:31 pm

The other helpful tidbit about building responsibility -- make a checklist of evening and morning chores, and reward her for doing everything on it by a certain time.

It takes about 3 months to build a habit.

Also, if you can afford it, it's useful to have a backup pair of footwear (you control its location) to save you from her missing the bus.

cbg

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 2:45 pm

greenfire wrote:

ugh the veritable searching for shoes insanity ... get a shoe bag or box right next to the door - they come off upon coming home & voila they are there to wear upon leaving

This is what kept me sane during those years.

Backpack, shoes, coat, etc. go by the front door.
Clothes laid out the night before, everything socks, underwear, top, bottom, etc.
Lunch and snack packed in the fridge from the night before.
Even breakfast can be ready from the night before.
ALL homework, signed papers, money, anything else the child needs to take to school, ready the night before. Inside the backpack the night before, waiting at the front door.

NO ONE GETS TO PLAY/RELAX UNTIL MOMMY SEES EVERYTHING WAS DONE, AND IN ITS PROPER PLACE

All my kids learned this routine from 3 yrs (with assistance of course) and still did the same through out high school.

It will be harder at night, in the beginning, but your mornings will run much more smoothly, and your child will go to school calmly. Very important

animeme

Fri, Feb 26 2016, 5:00 pm

Would love to know where everyone is keeping the clothes and lunches. Shoes, we put by the door, though shabbos shoes are substituted in a pinch. But I have no room in my fridge for all the lunches. And there's nowhere for the clothes in the crowded bedroom. The dresser top is occupied, and all chairs and desks are downstairs.

Ema of 5

Sat, Feb 27 2016, 8:01 pm

animeme wrote:

I have hooks by my front door, and coats go there. Everyone has their own hook, even my husband and myself. Clothes go at the foot of the bed or on top of the dresser. I don't make lunches the night before because if I do, the kids will change their minds and not eat what I prepared.