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Forum -> Parenting our children
Tip to stop yelling at your kids: Get closer.



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amother
Blue


 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 4:03 am
http://lemonlimeadventures.com.....ling/

"When I think of the reasons I yell in my home, I can usually narrow the reasons down to just a few triggers…

The kids are arguing.
The kids aren’t doing what I asked them to.
The kids aren’t listening.
The kids are being too loud.
The kids are being too rambunctious.

The kids… the kids… the kids…

Do you see the problem with those statements like I do? The focus is on the kids. The focus is on what the kids are doing that I don’t like. Where am I in this scenario? What am I doing? How am I involved in what is going in?

The answer. I am usually not close to them. I am usually busy in the kitchen, on the phone, on the other side of the other room, on the couch, with the baby… you name it… I am not near them. In the classroom, that would never fly. I could never expect the children to manage their own behaviors if I was nowhere near them. I would never expect them to hear my requests from the other side of the classroom.

If the children in my classroom started to get too loud, too busy, or too angry… I wouldn’t sit at my desk and yell across the room at them to settle down.

NO! I would get CLOSER!!!!!

I would walk over to the children needing my assistance. I would quietly place my hand on their shoulder or their back. I would bend down and speak to them in a kind and respectful tone.

I would tell them what I need from them and give them suggestions for how to change their behavior. This simple tip worked 90% of the time. How had I forgotten this simple tip?

For the last week, I have been trying this out. Instead of repeating myself over and over again, instead of yelling across the room, and instead of putting the blame on the children… I have been moving closer.

When the kids start to get ramped up, instead of yelling from across the room to settle down… I get closer.

When the kids are starting to argue, instead of yelling above their voices to get along… I get closer.

When the kids are ignoring my requests, instead of yelling my request louder… I get closer.

I get closer.

I make sure they hear me. I make sure I am helping them through their problems. I make sure I am there for them.

Guess what?

90% of the time this has worked for me. When I remember to use this simple tip first, chances are the yelling doesn’t happen. Chances are, I can keep the peace in our home and not let things spiral out of control."
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 4:24 am
Love this. And I do find it to be very true.

At the same time though- I'm physically close to my kids most of the time when they're home but I have a newborn (2MO) who needs to be nursed and many times the older kids (toddlers) have their tentrums at this time because I can't give them what they want at that exact time and can't sit next to them on the floor at that time etc.
Also, many times more than 1 kid needs something at same time and the fact that I dot have 6 hands causes them to scream. I don't get excited with the screaming but just saying - getting closer HELPS but doesn't solve all issues .
Yesterday's I found myself getting one dressed while holding new born and hugging another.. Maybe I do have 6 hands 😀
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 4:46 am
It works with teens, too. It works with a spouse as well. It works.

Cornflower, I found having a baby crib (that toddlers cant get into) in the living room, to be very helpful. Having a safe and close place makes it easier to put baby down.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 7:56 am
Is that really the fix for most parents? I wish that we're the solution for me. Mostly I yell when I am very close. Kids are ignoring me, hurting each other. I wish I had an easy trick to stop. Sad
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rae




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 8:00 am
I love this. Thank you for posting. Not always possible but great to keep in mind and try to incorporate. Going to read this one a few times.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 8:14 am
amother wrote:
Is that really the fix for most parents? I wish that we're the solution for me. Mostly I yell when I am very close. Kids are ignoring me, hurting each other. I wish I had an easy trick to stop. Sad


Direct them to do what you want them to do. Take them by the hand and guide them to do something positive. You always have a split moment before yelling where you make a choice. So instead of choosing to yell, choose to be actively and positively involved.

Mom is the mediator. Constantly vigilant to keep fights from happening and resolve the ones that do happen.

To those who 'don't listen' you need to limit your 'orders'. Change them to requests for help, and better yet, be a part of the job. "Let's (us) go get ready for your bath now." Go with the child. Take them nicely by the hand if need be. When they dont listen, it's because there wasn't enough positive happening in your relationship. Increase the positives, give more attention, do the mundane with them.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 1:53 pm
Many teachers yell.
In a big class, sometimes it's the only solution because they don't hear. Sigh. I actually probably yelled more in the classroom than at home. And NO, not to kids who need help (!) but to those who won't listen, who won't let the others listen, or who hit.
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 02 2016, 5:27 pm
ruchel you really yell at kids in school? :shock: I really think you should rethink if teaching is for you. it sounds horrible to hear that a teacher thinks that yelling is the way to go. sad
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:21 am
sourstix wrote:
ruchel you really yell at kids in school? shock I really think you should rethink if teaching is for you. it sounds horrible to hear that a teacher thinks that yelling is the way to go. sad


LOL you're a funny one. You don't know me, I don't know you, you don't know what I think either apparently. My students love me, I'm actually too nice it's one of my problem (they say it themselves). The problem is teachers who "always" yell, I've had my share of them of course (big classes). Yelling sometimes, well. LOL. Let's chalk it to culture, you can't get me and I don't get many of your posts. I don't wish to fight so I'll say good afternoon.
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loveandpeace




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:29 am
amother wrote:
http://lemonlimeadventures.com/1-simple-tip-help-stop-yelling/

"When I think of the reasons I yell in my home, I can usually narrow the reasons down to just a few triggers…

The kids are arguing.
The kids aren’t doing what I asked them to.
The kids aren’t listening.
The kids are being too loud.
The kids are being too rambunctious.

The kids… the kids… the kids…

Do you see the problem with those statements like I do? The focus is on the kids. The focus is on what the kids are doing that I don’t like. Where am I in this scenario? What am I doing? How am I involved in what is going in?

The answer. I am usually not close to them. I am usually busy in the kitchen, on the phone, on the other side of the other room, on the couch, with the baby… you name it… I am not near them. In the classroom, that would never fly. I could never expect the children to manage their own behaviors if I was nowhere near them. I would never expect them to hear my requests from the other side of the classroom.

If the children in my classroom started to get too loud, too busy, or too angry… I wouldn’t sit at my desk and yell across the room at them to settle down.

NO! I would get CLOSER!!!!!

I would walk over to the children needing my assistance. I would quietly place my hand on their shoulder or their back. I would bend down and speak to them in a kind and respectful tone.

I would tell them what I need from them and give them suggestions for how to change their behavior. This simple tip worked 90% of the time. How had I forgotten this simple tip?

For the last week, I have been trying this out. Instead of repeating myself over and over again, instead of yelling across the room, and instead of putting the blame on the children… I have been moving closer.

When the kids start to get ramped up, instead of yelling from across the room to settle down… I get closer.

When the kids are starting to argue, instead of yelling above their voices to get along… I get closer.

When the kids are ignoring my requests, instead of yelling my request louder… I get closer.

I get closer.

I make sure they hear me. I make sure I am helping them through their problems. I make sure I am there for them.

Guess what?

90% of the time this has worked for me. When I remember to use this simple tip first, chances are the yelling doesn’t happen. Chances are, I can keep the peace in our home and not let things spiral out of control."

Thank you! May Hashem bless you for posting this!
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