are you a working mom?

chen

Sun, Oct 30 2005, 1:44 am

I have been working outside the home ever since finishing school. when my eldest was born, I was lucky enough to be able to arrange to work three days a week for a few months before I had to go back full time. This was unfortunately no longer an option the next time around, and I went back full time right after my 6-week ob checkup.

leaving the baby was very hard in the beginning. with a 3-day-a-week sked, though, I was home evry other day, so at work I could console myself 'I just have to get through today and tomorrow I'll be home.'

people asked me 'don't you feel bad you will miss seeing your baby's first step, hearing his first word, blah blah.' answer; the first time I see it, is the first time it happened. you think it's any less exciting for me because the baby did this once before? define a baby's first word: he's been making sounds all along, maybe his first word happened when you were in the next room. all you know is this is the first time he's said somethign that sounds to YOU like a word. ditto first step. does it really matter whether or not he has ever done this before? It's rather like 'if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

when you work outside the home you have to be organized and plan in advance, no question. I started cooking for shabbos by Monday or tuesday the absolute latest. I made chicken, soup and kugel first, so that later in the week all I had to add was side dishes, salad and dessert. once chicken, kugel and soup were done, I could relax, knowing we'd have a shabbos meal no matter what.

Traveling out of town for work was VERY tough when the kids were little. I cried when I was nursing and had to pump and throw out the milk. (there were no facilities for keeping it.) where possible, I would take a late-night flight so I could leave home after the children were asleep. this took quite a toll on me but I felt it was worth it.

I trained the children to contribute to the household as early as possible. It wasn't just a matter of chinuch but also a matter of survival. in winter I'd get home from work not all that long before licht benchen, and dh got home even later than I did. there was no way I could do everything myself, and no reason why I should.

I bought plastic dishes for every day, so I didn't have to be concerned about the children breaking them. I don't recall how old they were when they first washed dishes, but certainly in the early grades. For as long as I can remember, they have also had rotating assignments to prepare for shabbos. besides making their beds and cleaning their rooms, they take turns cleaning the other rooms of the house. (I figured, if one child does a really bad job one week, the next week the next child will do a better job. nice theory. Rolling Eyes

) of course I have to be satisfied with however they complete the job, which is rarely up to my standards!

to this day I cannot fathom families whose children I see hanging around playing on the street friday afternoons just an hour or two before licht benchen. haven't they anything to do at home? even if I had a full-time live-in housekeeper, I'd still give my children chores to do erev shabbos, just to convey the message that erev shabbos is a time to prepare for shabbos, not for lazing around.

I don't recall when I taught the children to do laundry, but it had to have been at least by mid-elementary school. certainly they were helping me hang the laundry to dry by kindergarten. I taught them how to iron by age 12 or so, but they didn't actually start to iron till a little later, when they started to care about their appearance. they are pretty much in charge of their own laundry now. occasionally I remind them to do a wash, more because I don't like seeing a full hamper than because I think they are going to have no clean shirts tomorrow.

no, my system is not perfect: of course I have to remind the dishwasher du jour that it's his turn--sometimes four or five times! of course when they mop the floor it doesn't necessarily look any cleaner. of course when they make a salad they leave out some of the vegetables. but they have learned the basic skills (which they claim is more than most of their friends have done) and hopefully their performance will improve once it is their own home they are running. ( My folks never liked the way I washed the floor, either.)