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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
I hate Purim cards!
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Merrymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:45 am
Please let us keep our tzedakah donations and our friendships separate this year. Give all the tzedakah you want but don't stop giving mishlaoch manos/t by saying that you're give money instead. What am I supposed to do or feel when I get these cards? If it's too much for you then kol hakavod, I don't need tons of candy in my house, just give to those closest to you. For the life of me, I just don't understand how this came to be an acceptable custom and in what way it is honoring Purim. I do understand it from a fundraising point of view, I'm sure it brings in alot of money but it has nothing to do with mishlaoch manos and I find it being a "party pooper" . Basically this is how I read it:

"Dear Friend,

I'm tired and have been working on my feet all week and really do not have the patience to prepare a mishlaoch manos for you who I only see six times a year anyway. Instead here's a pretty card and I'm giving a dollar to xyz for it. Happy Purim!"
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 11:52 am
I take them in the spirit in which ithey're given. And they're great for friends who've moved.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 12:00 pm
Um, no.

No one has a religious obligation to send mishloach manot to Everybody. However, in some communities it has become a social expectation, if not an actual obligation. It's a nice thing to do, until it gets out of hand. Purim cards are a workaround.

Giving tzedaka instead means "I care about you but choose not to be pulled into the ridiculous excess that mishloach manot has become in our community." It is a way of meeting social obligations/expectations as well as sharing the holiday with all your friends and family, however distant. A good cause gets a contribution instead of a neighbor having to figure out how to dispose of yet another clever-but-impractical container.

I really don't see a problem, and it certainly isn't insulting. If you don't like it, don't do it.
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HopeMother




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 12:11 pm
Wow. Do you really feel that getting a candy basket, however cleverly packaged, from someone is a mark of friendship?

I send cards. I spend the time to find the charity online, find where to click to purchase, figuring out how many I want to buy and which design I feel goes well with the people I wish to send to, and finally purchasing the cards, and giving however much extra I can give to charity that year. Then once they arrive I then have to stamp, label and address each card and envelope. Then either hand deliver on Purim or make sure I remember to mail them out in time to arrive before the Chag.

I get to prevent waste by not sending more junk food, home baked food, cookies or friut that is going to be discarded. I prevent overspending. And I give you a zechut of tzedakah instead of more tooth decaying candy.

But you choose to take my gift of the tzedakah given in your name. You choose to take this zechut, this merit, and throw it in the trash instead!
Ok.
To each their own.

But I would rather 50 cards than 50 candy bags. I would rather 50 merits in heaven than 50 dentist bills or candy rotting in the trash. Perhaps that's just me. But I think you, who hate the cards may be the lone one out here. Not me.
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Merrymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 12:15 pm
The problem is not tzedakah giving which is wonderful and is something we should all be doing especially now at Purim time and Pesach time. What does it have to do with Mishlaoch Manos however? You don't have to give candy, and you don't have to send to 50 people. You can just not send cards at all AND make a donation on Your behalf. Actually you can make the donation on behalf of 50 people. Why they're called Purim cards and why they're INSTEAD of mishlaoch manos is the problem to me.
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HopeMother




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 12:21 pm
Merrymom wrote:
The problem is not tzedakah giving which is wonderful and is something we should all be doing especially now at Purim time and Pesach time. What does it have to do with Mishlaoch Manos however? You don't have to give candy, and you don't have to send to 50 people. You can just not send cards at all AND make a donation on Your behalf.


It has to do with matanot leevyonim if you ask me. The wording of the cards "in lieu of mishloach manot" may be off, that is true. It is not actually in lieu of mishloach manot, because that is a separate commandment.

It is more about I don't want to send you candy, again... But I do want to acknowledge you on Purim, a holiday when people go out of their way to be friendly and show friendships.

On Purim specifically, a chag like Yom Kippur according to some, I wish to give you an extra merit.

It is not truly "in Lieu of the mitzvah of misloach manot" but it is a gift, of a zecut, given at a time when gifts are given. It is incorrect wording, but correct thinking and discarding the thought and saying that I go the easy route by sending a charity card vs. a candy basket is silly, offensive, immature, inaccurate, and wrong.
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Merrymom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 12:58 pm
HopeMother wrote:
It has to do with matanot leevyonim if you ask me. The wording of the cards "in lieu of mishloach manot" may be off, that is true. It is not actually in lieu of mishloach manot, because that is a separate commandment.

It is more about I don't want to send you candy, again... But I do want to acknowledge you on Purim, a holiday when people go out of their way to be friendly and show friendships.

On Purim specifically, a chag like Yom Kippur according to some, I wish to give you an extra merit.

It is not truly "in Lieu of the mitzvah of misloach manot" but it is a gift, of a zecut, given at a time when gifts are given. It is incorrect wording, but correct thinking and discarding the thought and saying that I go the easy route by sending a charity card vs. a candy basket is silly, offensive, immature, inaccurate, and wrong.


I think you're personalizing this a bit. I'm not speaking to any one particular person, but about the concept in general. My children's school just sent home a note about doing Purim cards so it got me thinking. Now the schools are doing this too? What does this all have to do with Purim. As far as the reasons go, I happen to know family members that told me they have no energy to "patchke" and that's why they do it. Not to save the rest of us from cavities. I can understand and relate to that but I just don't think sending cards are a proper substitute.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 1:03 pm
I love Purim cards. I think they let people know that they care about you without having to hand you food. And someone else gets tzedaka money! Maybe it would be better if they just handed me the money :-)
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SorGold




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 1:05 pm
MM are suppose to be marbeh reus (that looks wierd in English. In case you cant read it, increase friendship). The cards capitalize on the mitzvah of giving tzedaka which is very big on Purim. If someone opens their hand on Purim, you are supposed to give.
It also makes people know you thought of them... marbeh reus. If someone doenst want to give me a basket (because they only have to give 1 person) but is thinking of me, Im touched. Marbeh reus... check. Tzedaka...check.
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cfriedman2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 3:01 pm
are you kidding me? I love Cards. I dont want all the junk from MM in my house and would so much rather have somenoe donate money to someone in need in my honor. Truthfully I dont eat even a quarter of what I get and I feel so bad dumping a lot of it/bringing it to work for others. I love to see my friends over Purim which giving MM helps with but I really dont need their junk. I always do both cards and mm but I am constantly saying that Im gna switch over to all cards and just the required MM.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 3:12 pm
I don't really mind the idea of purim cards. (although I don't get a lot of mishloach manos and really appreciate each and every one.) However, I recently was sick and a lot of people called to offer help and some people sent gifts or cards. One person sent a tzedaka card. ie she gave tzedaka to an organisation on my behalf. I have a bunch of little kids at home, and I needed to hire extra help, with money we didn't have. (a kind relative gave us money to help pay for this bh) I just found it really bizarre to send such a gift to a sick person.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 5:05 pm
Meh. First-world problems. I see the cards as symbolizing "We live too far away to send you MM but I want you to know that if we lived near each other we would." It's no different from sending someone a "virtual" birthday cake or bouquet of roses--it's a friendly gesture and a nod to the occasion. If I got such a card from someone who lives next door to me, it could also mean "I know you want a basket full of sugary junk like a hole in the head, especially a month before Pesach, but I still want to wish you a Frelachn one."

It's all in the attitude. You can choose to hate the cards and make yourself miserable over them if you like. Maybe your blood pressure is so low that it can use the boost you get from obsessing over the issue, but , seriously, don't you have bigger things to get worked up about?
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chicco




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 5:24 pm
Halacha is pretty clear on the subject: if you have extra money to spend on the mitzvos of Purim, matunos levyonim trumps.

Sure you could think of the cutest theme and spend tons of money making it "just so" even if it's filled with tons of stuff no one wants but it's just "so cute. " And good for you. But for those who'd rather spend their money for a more worthwhile cause and don't want to snub anybody by not giving a package to everyone they know...this is a very nice solution (which unfortunately everyone tries to capitalize on as well).

Maybe it's not for you, but good for those who do it! This whole MM thing is widely out of hand. It's come a long way from the original mitzvah and I am not sure what the advantage is.

For the record, I am someone who has gotten caught up with it in the past,and is strongly considering the card route. I will gladly receive anyone who comes to my home and offer them a glass of wine and a hamentash, but not a package this year. There's just no point to it. Never mind the freedom to not have to make all of those deliveries....
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 5:46 pm
I only prepare shalach manos for immediate family. Grandparents, parents, siblings.

My friends and I have agreed (after a couple years chasing each other around town and delivering shalach manos to each other's doors) not to exchange shalach manos. We don't need Purim to prove we're friends.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 7:29 pm
I would be so happy to get cards instead of junk filled packages!!! Don't get me wrong, I love seeing all the packages and costumes and exchanging, but if I didn't have to have all that junk in my house I wouldn't mind.
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yamz




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 8:17 pm
I'm with Merrymom on this one. In my experience, the cards are usually used by people who can't be bothered to make mishloach manos. I don't need your mishloach manos to coordinate with your childrens' costumes and I certainly don't care which ribbons were used (if any) to tie up your package. I don't need your package to be costly, cute, clever or beautiful. I certainly don't need it to be filled with cheap, inedible junkfoods that relate to a particular theme. In fact, I don't need your mishloach manos at all. Thank G-d, I have enough food in pantry and refrigerator that I do not need to rely upon your gift. I do hope if we live in close enough proximity to each other to exchange parcels, and that you thought enough of me to send something, that you also thought enough of me to spend literally ten minutes to think about what you will put inside your package and take the time to purchase it on your most convenient shopping trip. People who sent me lollypops and potato stix before I had kids, or sent a card in lieu of a package both missed the point of mishloach manos IMHO. It showed the sender hadn't really considered the recipient. If you feel overburdened because you can't afford to spend $4 each on 50+ parcels, then you are sending too many. If you feel overburdened by having to prepare 50+ parcels, then you are sending too many. So send fewer mishloach manos. I won't be insulted if I didn't "make the cut." If you do choose to send a card though, I will view it as half-hearted. Like, you sort of felt obligated, but I wasn't important enough for you to really bother.

Tzedakkah is a wonderful thing. Please, everybody, give all you can, because there are so many families and organizations who desperately need funds. But we can't catch up on each others lives, or share a joke, or see each others kids over a postcard that arrived in the mailbox two days before Purim.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 8:38 pm
yamz wrote:
I'm with Merrymom on this one. In my experience, the cards are usually used by people who can't be bothered to make mishloach manos. I don't need your mishloach manos to coordinate with your childrens' costumes and I certainly don't care which ribbons were used (if any) to tie up your package. I don't need your package to be costly, cute, clever or beautiful. I certainly don't need it to be filled with cheap, inedible junkfoods that relate to a particular theme. In fact, I don't need your mishloach manos at all. Thank G-d, I have enough food in pantry and refrigerator that I do not need to rely upon your gift. I do hope if we live in close enough proximity to each other to exchange parcels, and that you thought enough of me to send something, that you also thought enough of me to spend literally ten minutes to think about what you will put inside your package and take the time to purchase it on your most convenient shopping trip. People who sent me lollypops and potato stix before I had kids, or sent a card in lieu of a package both missed the point of mishloach manos IMHO. It showed the sender hadn't really considered the recipient. If you feel overburdened because you can't afford to spend $4 each on 50+ parcels, then you are sending too many. If you feel overburdened by having to prepare 50+ parcels, then you are sending too many. So send fewer mishloach manos. I won't be insulted if I didn't "make the cut." If you do choose to send a card though, I will view it as half-hearted. Like, you sort of felt obligated, but I wasn't important enough for you to really bother.

Tzedakkah is a wonderful thing. Please, everybody, give all you can, because there are so many families and organizations who desperately need funds. But we can't catch up on each others lives, or share a joke, or see each others kids over a postcard that arrived in the mailbox two days before Purim.

The POINT is to send mishloach Manos. The POINT is not to personalize it to each person. Some people send different types of mishloach Manos to different "levels of friend" (sorry, can't think of a nicer way to phrase it) but many people don't. So they won't not send you junk if you don't have kids, and they won't send you 10 fruit by the foots just because you have 10 kids.
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chicco




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:25 pm
The "point" of MM to my knowledge, is to reach out to ONE person (someone you are trying to forge or strengthen a relationship with). It is also supposed to be foods that can be used at the seuda. How many of the MM that you receive actually qualify?
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:31 pm
yamz wrote:

[snipped]
If you feel overburdened because you can't afford to spend $4 each on 50+ parcels, then you are sending too many. If you feel overburdened by having to prepare 50+ parcels, then you are sending too many. So send fewer mishloach manos. I won't be insulted if I didn't "make the cut." If you do choose to send a card though, I will view it as half-hearted. Like, you sort of felt obligated, but I wasn't important enough for you to really bother.

Tzedakkah is a wonderful thing. Please, everybody, give all you can, because there are so many families and organizations who desperately need funds. But we can't catch up on each others lives, or share a joke, or see each others kids over a postcard that arrived in the mailbox two days before Purim.


What if you receive 50 m"m?

To me, it's unacceptable to not give a m"m to someone who brings one to you.
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yamz




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:39 pm
Quote:
The POINT is to send mishloach Manos. The POINT is not to personalize it to each person. Some people send different types of mishloach Manos to different "levels of friend" (sorry, can't think of a nicer way to phrase it) but many people don't. So they won't not send you junk if you don't have kids, and they won't send you 10 fruit by the foots just because you have 10 kids.




The POINT is to spread friendship and good feelings, not to say, "Here, I really couldn't be bothered...., you're just not that important to me, so here's some random junk." I don't expect people to make a different type of parcel for each recipient, but come on.... I make mine mostly the same, but I will swap out items that are inappropriate for certain recipients. If you were giving everybody a bottle of grape juice and rolls, but had a gluten free friend, would you still give this to her? Would you give a candy platter to your diabetic aunt? If you really can't be bothered to do it properly, then I think it's better not to give at all. Oh, and I think it's awful to make "different levels" of mishloach manos.
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