Highly innapropriate note

amother

Cyan

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 12:56 pm

I work at a Jewish (not frum) school. I help kids with kriyah who need extra help. Most have adhd, dyslexia etc.

Another teacher informed me that one of my 3rd grade boys sent a note to a 3rd grade girl that said "I want to have relations with you".

She was very upset. I'm not even sure either kid knows what that really means.

I wasn't involved at all, but do you think I need to say something? Or can I ignore it? I would rather not get involved. This is a sweet boy who is usually very respectful and appropriate.

debsey

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 1:01 pm

I think the principal or school guidance counselor should be told. Put this type of situation in the hands of those whose job it is to deal with it. It's probably just him imitating something he saw on TV or him being egged on by boys who dared him to write it. Even so, it's something for administration to address.

doctorima

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 1:42 pm

Yes, I agree that you shouldn't ignore it, but it's not your job. If your role is to work on kriyah with them, then your responsibilities and relationship with the kids don't require you to get involved in something like this. But I would bring it to the attention of somebody higher up so that they can handle it how they see fit, and also so that you don't get in trouble for knowing about it and keeping it a secret.

Amarante

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 1:55 pm

I agree with others that you should make sure that it is reported to appropriate person but I wouldn't intervene.

Perhaps I am paranoid but this type of inappropriate sexualization by a young child sometimes indicate abuse.

groisamomma

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 8:14 pm

Amarante wrote:

Perhaps I am paranoid but this type of inappropriate sexualization by a young child sometimes indicate abuse.

No, you're not paranoid. Unfortunately this is the case all too many times.

OP, this cannot be ignored. Please ask the little girl for the note and give it to administration. If you don't have access to it, send an email to admin repeating what you heard and who told it to you and let them know it's their job to pursue it. C"VS down the line if nothing was done (wish that wasn't the case) then you shouldn't find yourself without proof that you passed this info on to the right person.

debsey

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 6:43 am

groisamomma wrote:

this is also a good point - in today's litigious world, you need proof that you informed someone. Email and then print out a copy of the email and response and then file. You don't want to be held accountable for not informing administration if you did.

seeker

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 12:28 pm

I hate to hijack but I find it concerning that a person with professional responsibility to kids needs to ask something like this on imamother. Is personal professional judgment out of style?

naturalmom5

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 12:46 pm

seeker wrote:

I hate to hijack but I find it concerning that a person with professional responsibility to kids needs to ask something like this on imamother. Is personal professional judgment out of style?

I was thinking this, yesterday.. But decided to be nice.

seeker

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 12:55 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

I was thinking this, yesterday.. But decided to be nice.

Yeah, I thought that too but have not yet perfected my self-control like that Wink

I do feel sorry for the implied criticism but I also think it's important for people to think about the role of their own intuition and decision-making.

Though OP did do the right thing in the first place by thinking it through rather than reacting to the student on the spot.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 1:45 pm

Op here.There are many things that I've reported to the appropriate authority.

I guess I didn't clearly explain.
A co worker came over to me and told me that the girl gave her the note and was upset by it. She spoke to the boy and unfortunately told him to get rid of the note. She told me about it, because I work directly with the boy and thought I should know.

The reason I didn't want to get involved is because I didn't see the note or speak with the children involved, and I didn't want to sound like I'm coming out of no where.

Also, honestly, I'm not even sure what is appropriate for secular third grade boys. They watch tv and see movies and play jokes on girls. It would have sent a bigger red flag coming from a frum kid, but I guess I'll speak to someone, or tell the co worker she should report it.

I'm not actually hired by the school, but by a separate organization that goes into the school.

seeker

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 4:47 pm

Well yes, the details definitely make a difference to the story.

I think it is reasonable for the coworker to tell you because then you can look out for the kid and see if there are any other signs of disturbance.

You should talk to the coworker who handled the situation and make sure that she told the appropriate people (school counselor, principal, whoever handles this kind of thing in this school) and if so there's nothing left for you to do except keep an eye out.

And no, this is not any more appropriate in a secular school than in a frum one. Kids everywhere know good and well that you don't talk about relations in school, and definitely not in the way that you describe.