What can your four year old do by himself?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Mustard

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:38 pm

because he is my oldest, I dont know what to compare to, and since I am a perfectionist and by nature would like in theory to just do things for or with him, id like to make sure I am not coddling him too much. for instance, should he be able to dress himself/wipe after bathroom/pour himself cereal/wash hands with soap without supervision,brush teeth etc. etc.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:50 pm

Dressing self, yes. The rest will still require assistance. For cereal, set aside a portion of cereal and a portion of milk so he can pour himself but you don't have to worry about spilling half a carton of milk. The hygiene will still require some supervision and possibly assistance for another year or so.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:54 pm

[deleted]

seeker

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 10:04 pm

I think you need to go with your individual child and not worry about other people's standards. How do you know what your child can do? Show them, guide them, and then give them a chance. If they become frustrated, dial back a notch and give them more help.

So for example, you might show him how to brush teeth, then give over one step at a time for him to do himself (e.g. at the beginning you set up the toothbrush and toothpaste but let him do the brushing, and you step back in to help with rinsing) and you stand by, watch, and advise if needed (great job, now do the top) and you will see if he can do it.

If something isn't working out, go back to doing it yourself and save it for later.
Anything you care terribly about, save for last (e.g. if a milk spill would be disastrous for you, then pouring milk will not be on your child independence agenda.)

Moonlight

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 10:32 pm

My 4 yr old DS can do all those things (I don't like him to pour the cereal but he can) but why compare?

rowo

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 10:59 pm

My 4 year old does all those himself.
He does sometimes need help with tough buttons, and sometimes he's not in the mood to dress himself, but he can do it.
But he's number 3 and my most independent child. When he's hungry he'll go to the fridge and take an apple or carrot, while my other kids just kvetch Wink

It's not about comparing, it's about making sure your kids are learning age appropriate skills.

From early on I encourage my kids to feed themselves. Sure there is a mess, but it's part of the experience. By two they can feed themselves pretty well with a fork and spoon. Whereas a friend who is a neat freak insists on feeding her kids for years to limit the mess. It might be tidier, but her kids are missing the skills.

amother

Wine

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 11:07 pm

don't compare and try to let them do as much as possible without pushing too much. My 3 year old does it by herself, the five year old still wants help.
3 year old pours cereal and milk, makes herself grilled cheese and pizza in the toasted and is generally very independed. The 5 year old is not able to pour milk into her cereal and wants a lot of help (but she taught herself to read at 3 years of age). You can google general guidelines and let your child try out things. If something is messy and hard for your to handle, do it right before you or the cleaning lady were planning to clean anyway. Or do it in a less messy way (like letting a baby practice drinking from a cup in the bath or practice pouring milk into cereal in the sink).
Hopefully, with experience you will be able to let go a bit and relax your standards without driving yourself nuts (speaking from personal experience Smile

seeker

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 1:10 am

Haha, my 5 and 3 sound so similar to yours!
Except the toaster part. I don't think it's safe to let even the most independent 3-year-old use an electrical appliance like that on their own. Especially one that gets so hot.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 2:39 am

My 3 year old can dress himself, but likes to be fed. I usually start feeding him and then make him take over

amother

Orchid

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 3:01 am

My 4 YO can put on pants and underwear and socks and shoes but not shirt and he usually asks me to help him anyway. He can eat by himself . Pours himself a drink .he goes to bathroom by himself but prefers that I come with him and he does need help wiping.
He's generally more to the lazy type and is my first so I cuddle him and he doesn't have an example of anything else.

I find that being a perfectionist can stop their independence but you gotta choose your battles - not only with kids but also with yourself !

amother

Mauve

Mon, Mar 14 2016, 7:37 am

My 4 year old can dress himself mostly but doesn't like to. He can do everything else u mentioned. I am not at all a perfectionist and both my kids feedo themselves with for spoon and knife from when they r 2.

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