Dressing a toddler boy up as a girl

summer0808

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 6:40 am

In chasidishe NY, it's traditional to dress a toddler boy (2-3 till upsherin) as a girl. but usually as a Kallah, queen, ballerina etc. This year my 2.9 year old is insisting on being the same type of soldier like his older brother so there goes his ballerina costume.

glamourmom

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 6:40 am

Lady Godiva wrote:

You did it while you were still able to = before your baby boy had a say in the matter.
Notice how you mention how much fun YOU had doing it (even though your DH wasn't too happy). That's exactly my point in this thread. The mothers are doing this for their own fun. It's really strange to me.
I think I just don't get the joke.

why would a boy or teen or man care if his mom dressed him as a girl when he was two? do they care if there are photos of them in the bath at that age? or sitting on the toilet while being trained? those can be way more offensive and I don't see any guys hunting down those photos and destroying them? at that age, these things are acceptable. even things that are frowned upon later on.

greenfire

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 8:05 am

never liked the idea myself - it's too serious - not a costume ... are you a girl or a boy doesn't make it funny

my daughter dressed up like a boy one purim & slipped into the boys' side of a simchas purim

I refused to take a before upsherin picture of sonny boy with long hair - because I feel they look to girly-like [maybe I'll make a spinoff]

so now we have 2 new "halochos" taken from all the things said above ...

1) it's a minhag to dress your 2 year old boy like a girl in some circles

2) now one of the mandatory questions on the shidduch resume will be "did he ever dress up like a girl on purim"

HonesttoGod

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 9:14 am

summer0808 wrote:

Traditional? You mean common. Tradition is like a minhag, as far as I know I have MANY chasidish neighbors who don't dress their under 3 year old boys as girls.

chavs

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 9:35 am

Funnily enough I haven't commented on this post yet because I don't have strong feelings but felt the "need" to do it now.
This noon my daughter (aged 8) had been playing with my 18 month old son. Ske had dressed him up with a flowery hair band, hair clips, necklace and she'd found some nail Polish and put on him (goodness knows how sued gotten him to sit still for that part though), anyways, he loved it and when bits fell off he put out back on again.
At eighteen months he loves dressing up and doesn't have a sense of what's traditionally girls stuff and what's boys stuff and just had fun with his sister who doesn't always want to play with him.
I'd never force my child to dress up as anything but the argument that a baby can't decide for themselves doesn't really work in that the whole concept of boys and girls accessories is not something little ones are bothered by typically.
I remember my nephew dressing up as a girl in dresses and his mum's and my mum's shoes until he was quite old and he loved it.
Those who are objecting, it seems, are coming at it with their own sensitivities, as most kids until a certain age really don't care and like dressing up.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 3:52 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I thought there was a very clear prohibition of men and women dressing in each other's clothing. Does Purim suspend this prohibition? Is there an age exemption and cut off date? If so, can you give me sources?

I'm still waiting for an answer...

amother

Aqua

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 5:56 pm

I can't help it.... It is weird to me that moms would dress their sons as girls. My cousin's wife used to do this and it drove our side of the family crazy.

There's a term for a male dressing like a female..... It's called cross dressing or going in drag.

Why would anyone do that to a little boy on Purim?!

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 6:13 pm

Didn't read the four pages but I vote no. Not even on Purim. Not below adult age.

If a GROWN person wants to cross dress on Purim, that's their own decision. But coming from a PARENT, it has an authority that is huge. Leave that kind of thing to the person himself or herself, after attaining adult age.

You have no idea of the weight of your rank and authority. There is no sense of humor in that, for any child of any age that is before full adulthood.

So, I vote no.

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 6:50 pm

None of my grown boys hav any issue having been dressed up as girls as 2 year olds. To me it seems so appropriate. One of the things we are celebrating is how everything was the opposite of what we expected in the Purim story. Isn't that why little boys are dressed up as girls?

mommy3b2c

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 7:00 pm

You know what's funny? A lot of you on here, would HATE the way I dress my boys, even when it's not purim. I love the unis-x look on boys, and I love that the style these days is so metro. When my kids are under three, they get mistaken for girls all the time. Oh well. Too bad. They're my kids, and I can dress them how I please, even if so many amothers think that I am causing my kids to be transgender or cross dressers.

Coffee Addict

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 7:20 pm

My brothers always dressed up as a girl purim. It's adorable! I mean, come on ladies, what's the big deal? Ur kid is happy? Your happy? Great! It's just purim!

I don't get why some ppl get so worked up of a less than 3 year old dressed up one day of the year as a different gender Rolling Eyes

I'm making upsheren 2 days after purim iyh, and he will be a girl iyh!! Enjoy life! Smile

asmileaday

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 7:28 pm

Maya wrote:

Because you think he transitioned because his mother dressed him up as a girl for Purim when he was two years old?

No! I absolutely don't think so! It's just that the whole association made me nauseous.

dee's mommy

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 9:38 pm

I am not in favour. I never understood why this is a thing to do, and never understood why this was suggested for me to do with my three month old.

If we are raising our children to Torah and Mitzvos, why do something that is against it?

This is not the same as dressing a girl in slacks meant for girls till the age of chinuch. When I asked my rav about dressing my at the time, three year old daughter in slacks, he just said not to worry about slacks, hemlines, sleeve length, and so forth. He did say to dress her in a dignified manner. Why not have the same "dignified" approach towards our sons? I don't think dressing him as a girl is dignified.

And as others have mentioned here, there is the potential of the boy being embarrassed by this, if not now, then latter on in life.

WhatFor

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 9:58 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I'm still waiting for an answer...

I'm trying to find a source for the origin of gender-specific clothing for children. So far, I've found that at least in the US, it didn't exist until the 20th century. If gender specific clothing did not exist historically, it would seem that the halacha is geared toward adult male and female clothing (and that's without getting into the discussion that a 2 year old is not bound by halacha). But I'm not a halachic authority on this, so carry on....

DrMom

Wed, Mar 23 2016, 3:38 am

I didn't read the whole thread, so forgive me if this was already mentioned:

Here in Israel, many secular elementary schools have a "cross-dressing day" the week before Purim. Boys are instructed to come to school dressed as girls, and girls are required to come to school dressed as boys.