Help me decide to push my child ahead or leave back

amother

Gold

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:47 am

Those of u that have November children, did u push them ahead or leave them back in school?
I have a daughter who will be 4 years old this November. I need to make a decision if I'll be sending her to nursery or to kindergarten. She seems very bright & up to par but I'm hearing from so many people that it's always better to be the oldest verses the youngest. I'm so torn.
I had her evaluated & was told she can go either way so I'm turning to Imamother for advice. If u had a November child what did u do? My daughter birthday is November 5th.

heidi

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:50 am

I was pushed ahead in school bcz. I was up to par educationally. But I was socially way behind and suffered throughout elementary and jr. high bcz. of my social immaturity.
I would base it on her social maturity as opposed to her educational abilities.
But why do you have to decide now? Can't she just repeat kindergarten if necessary?

amother

Violet

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:58 am

I'm of the opinion that if a child is ready she's ready. Also a child acts the age of the people they are around so leaving behind you will just make her more immature. If you were told she is ready then send her. I have a November daughter that I pushed ahead who is now in eight grade and I don't regret it for a second. At the time I was told your crazy no one sends ahead. The only reason why I would leave behind is if I had a solid reason to. But if you have no reason why ruin a year of your child's life what are you gaining? Also you can also repeat kindergarten it's not a big deal.

I have a son who was December and I said for sure he's a boy why would I push ahead but when it came to June time he was so ready that everyone said to push him ahead. I was so nervous the whole year but by second grade he was top in his class and in learning ahead of the boys a year above him that the yeshiva told me it would have been a mistake to leave him behind and his yeshiva was into leaving August kids behind.

I did a lot of research on this topic. First of all everyone saids what do you have to lose to leaving behind but a lot.
1. If a child is up to par intellectually then you are stunting their intellectual growth. What happens is that in pre-1a and first and second grade if you leave behind they will be on top of the class and you will be so happy that you did but by the time third grade comes the child will be so bored that they become a trouble maker. So now you have a problem of a child who is the trouble maker of the class.

Again if you have a valid reason to leave behind then do but just to do it for no reason is ridiculous. I can give you many more examples but I don't know how much you want to read.

amother

Mint

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:58 am

Well said Heidi.

Is the grade after kindergarten, 1st or Pre1A.
If it's 1st, just know that this is the time they get students ready to sit at a desk and do individual work.
No more naps
Longer circle time.
More scheduled "work" time vs "free play" time.

If it's Pre1A, then I think you have another year to decide.

Also, does she have a BEST friend in the class, the type that they are inseparable. This is something to take into consideration.

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 9:58 am

When is the age deadline?

"Kindergarten" usually refers to the year before first grade, and the children typically are five years old, or almost. Children who have been held back (started late or repeated a year) may turn seven during the school year. The curriculum is much more academic than in preschool. Does "kindergarten" mean something else in your community?

chani8

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:03 am

I was pushed ahead and but it didn't matter because in the end I dropped out in high school.

I kept my son back and it didn't matter because in the end he dropped out of high school.

The moral of this story is, it doesn't matter.

However, every year you will have the option of holding your child back. Once back, it's rare to be able to push a child forward.

Maya

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:05 am

heidi wrote:

This is what we were told regarding our kid. Social maturity and emotional intelligence are way more important than educational abilities, especially in a school where the administration is equipped to deal with kids who are ahead of their class in academics.

You want your kid to be the star of the class, not the one who is constantly playing catch up to the rest of the class.

Maya

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:07 am

chani8 wrote:

It does matter because a. most people don't drop out of high school, and b. how are they doing in class the eight years until high school?

cnc

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:08 am

cm wrote:

Kindergarten most likely is what you refer to as Pre K. Some schools have Pre1A in between Kindergarten (pre k) and 1st grade.

AinOdMilvado

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:08 am

sons I feel almost always gain from being the oldest/being held back (one I did, and did much better, the other is anyway one of the oldest)

my daughter I had pushed ahead because I felt she'd be bored academically if I held her back, but then from 5th grade on when clicks start she had a horrible time for 2 years til we finally decided to hold her back for social reasons. by that point her self esteem was already fairly eroded and her social life wasn't perfect but it was for sure 10 times better being one of the oldest rather than the shortest (she was also a late bloomer for her growth spurt to get taller which moving down a grade also helped her...)

cnc

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:09 am

Maya wrote:

Well said.
I agree.

Maya

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:15 am

chani8 wrote:

However, every year you will have the option of holding your child back. Once back, it's rare to be able to push a child forward.

But a child who is held back in pre-K likely won't suffer the social consequences of a child who is held back at an older age. If it's going to be done, it needs to be at the youngest possible age.

chani8

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 10:21 am

Maya wrote:

But a child who is held back in pre-K likely won't suffer the social consequences of a child who is held back at an older age. If it's going to be done, it needs to be at the youngest possible age.

You cannot predict how it's going to be for that child. It's about personality more than age when you're talking just one school year of difference. Some people are awkward. No amount of staying back will fix their awkwardness.

Maya

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 11:15 am

chani8 wrote:

True, but we must do what seems logically reasonable, and holding back at a young age is more likely to be a success than holding back at an older age.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 11:24 am

I am doing to be anonymous on this because I have discussed it to death.

My daughter's birthday is November 8. She is getting speech therapy and hopefully some more. She is the cutest little girl. She is just having a hard time with her colors. She is learning אב now and with that she is fine. But being that she is one of the youngest I am keeping her down. She will be going to nursery again.

When I spoke to her teacher about it, she said she is definitely ready to go up. But being that she is so young it would only benefit her to redo nursery. So after much deliberation, I have already decided to go ahead and keep her back. And the teacher says I am not the only one doing it.

amother

Oak

Sun, Mar 27 2016, 11:26 am

I have a brilliant January kid and the deadline is December 31. We wanted to push him ahead because he'd been to nursery twice and knew way more than the average kid his age. But we were told the same as Maya. No one was ever hurt by being the brightest, or the biggest. But they may suffer from lagging behind socially.

We kept him in the grade he belongs, he's actually the second-to-oldest in his class, but that's where he needed to be socially. It was the best decision ever. So what if he knows the kriyah faster than anyone else or can do math way ahead of his class? Such kids would probably be ahead anyway.

The principal told us then, if he's really too smart for his class and you see that socially he can handle it, you can skip him a grade later on (and he'll be the genius of the class who skipped a grade), but for now, the year of playing in nursery/kindergarten, he'll never get back. The things kids learn (socially) from those years should not be downplayed or ignored in favor of academics.