SAHM | Imamother

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 11:47 am

I'm following this very heated post on Facebook. The question that was posed was "what do SAHM do all day if all their kids are in school and they have help"? Some people felt that the question was rude. Others felt that the op was just asking an innocent question. The thing that I found interesting about the discussion was that all of the sahm were defending themselves (not that they need to) by saying all the things they do while at home all day. They go to costco, appointments, bank, post office, supermarket, ect. Not one of them conceded that the truth is that a sahm with help has an EASY DAY. Why can't they just say it? I always tell my dh that if we ever have enough money I would quit my job and make a day out of going to the gym, getting coffee, returning the plunger to costco, and rushing home to meet the repairman. But ultimately, my question is why can't those sahm just say they have it easy? Why do they pretend that they never have a spare moment for themselves?

gold21

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 11:49 am

You mean like they have full-time help in the house or like a part-time cleaning woman once or twice a week for a few hours at a time?

Are the kids out in playgroup/nursery for a few hours a day or in school full time?

Just trying to understand your question before I reply.

saw50st8

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 11:51 am

I'm in that same group :-)

The percentage of SAHM who have no little kids around AND cleaning help is minuscule. Most have a baby at home, a toddler in a short program and a husband working very full time (like 12+ hours and commuting!). Life of a SAHM is not easy and they do rarely get time to themselves. I probably get more time to myself just commuting than most SAHMs do.

Signed, a full time working mom

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 11:52 am

gold21 wrote:

Lets say full time or close to full time help. Kids don't get home till 4:00.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:12 pm

I am a sahm with some household help, a baby, and two kids in school till almost 5:00 everyday. I'll be the first to admit my life is a lot more pleasant and easier than working moms, but nobodies life is easy!

And those moms feel attached, they feel like you are calling their lives a joke. Before I had my baby, I was somewhat in that category , and my life was very busy. I used to volunteer all the time. Don't insult people and expect them not to get defensive.

PassionFruit

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:14 pm

I doubt most people that posted were of that category.
I am a SAHM, but I have three kids under 4 at home with me all day. Yes, I chose it. Yes, I want it to be that way. But no, I probably don't get a half an hour for myself during a 24 hour period. I literally have to schedule showers, to make sure they happen.
I personally would NOT call someone home alone with cleaning help and no kids a SAHM.
They are unemployed or retired, and happen to have kids.

the world's best mom

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:29 pm

I also think being a SAHM with kids all in school and full time help is easy.

But I am a SAHM with a baby at home and other kids in school, not all for such a long day. My dh works long hours and the only help I have is a cleaning lady for 2 hours a week. That's not easy, though depending on the kids dispositions and stages, there have been easier years and harder years.

Raisin

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:34 pm

everyone spends SOME time looking after their kids, even with full time help. They probably have to do carpool, food shopping, clothes shopping, homework management, take to afterschool activities, medical appointments, serve supper...even if they have a few hours in the day when everyone is in school afterschool hours will be busy.

I really don't know anyone like this. I have a friend whose kids are both in school or playgroup until 2 or 3 in the afternoon and she is bored and looks for volunteer opportunities. And I don't think she has cleaning help.

mummiedearest

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:36 pm

I'm also in that group. the amount of cleaning help wasn't specified in the question. one can have cleaning help for two hours a week or thirty hours a week. there's a difference, but either way, once the kids come home, you can't always tell it's been cleaned.

working moms don't like it when the tables are turned either, so let's just drop the "easy" label. how about we all admit that we wish life was easy and leave it at that.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:45 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

This. I have cleaning help for twice a week from 8:30 till 2:30, but I could use more! I just don't hire more to save money. The second my kids come home... I used to have her in the evenings sometimes. The two of us would both be busy all evening. There's always work to do.

PassionFruit

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:49 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I like you.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 12:53 pm

funnyface wrote:

I like you.

Thanks

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:01 pm

Also, it depends on the size family, but if you have 4-5 children or more (or even one special needs child) even if they are all officially in school, you can be dealing with appointments on a very regular basis (one child is in the middle of dental work, one child is getting play therapy, one is getting speech) which all takes hours and hours of time. Most SAHM's even without children home most of the day do end up busy.

gold21

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:10 pm

amother wrote:

Lets say full time or close to full time help. Kids don't get home till 4:00.

Then I dont really know.
I would certainly imagine that it is an easier lifestyle, so im confused as to why women would feel the need to defend their lifestyles as just-as-busy. Maybe because theres this weird pressure in our circles to always be super-busy and super-overwhelmed (You think YOU have it hard? Well, MY life is sooo much more hectic than yours, I work 3 jobs plus am in college fulltime and have no cleaning help and cook all my food from scratch and...) so women feel the need to defend themselves? No clue.

amother

Rose

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:16 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, SAHMs are busy. I am one, and I don't know how I would manage with a job on top of all I do. But that's the thing, working moms must have all the same things to do, but just fewer hours in which to get it done.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:26 pm

amother wrote:

"what do SAHM do all day if all their kids are in school and they have help"?

I am in this category and I would not get offended at all. I have help 3 times a week and my kids are in school. I sometimes have things I need to do, but all in all, I HATE IT!!! If I had friends that were in the same boat as me or even a friend that was a SAHM with children, maybe I wouldn't hate it as much. I wouldn't mind having a job or at least part time or even volunteer, but I live in a foreign country and don't know the language well. I b'h have much too much time on my hands!!

As a side thing, I think others might fall into a depression if they lived like I do, but b'h I haven't or at least not yet Wink

amother

Plum

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:31 pm

im a sahm and I love it. I don't think it's about easy vs. hard.
For me it's easier and better being home with my kids ( a baby with me and all kids home at 1 pm) than work. For others work is easier than kids .
there are hardships to both types of lives.
Since your so disregarding sahm's difficulties I'll stare the hardest challenge for us : we get zero time off . Sure while working you may be thinking of the kids but while at home with your kids you literally don't have one minute of alone time ... I feel like I haven't had 5 minutes to just THINK in ages .

Laughing Bag!

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:44 pm

Being a SAHM doesn't mean you get to sit with you're get up and do nothing! SAHM'S do get to do stuff that wirking mom's can't get to do and exactly that is what keeps them busy.
I can't really use myself as an example really cuz I don't have cleaning help amd babysit part time. However I dont clean all day, I get to cook/bake moee than the working mom does. I get to do projects like sewing, organizing, photo editing and more. Yes I'm very busy and depending on how my baby behaved I get to do more or less. Also balancing appointments is one thing the SAHM can manage more conveniently but it keeps her busy. Most SAHM dont sit and do nothing its a full time job just to manage and balance a home and kids and working moms compromise on stuff the SAHM does do.

amother

Purple

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:46 pm

I posted this on a different thread but...

Give, give, give
Faster, faster, this, that
Get them dressed
Change the diaper
Make the lunch
Nurse the baby
Breakfast time, please eat
Did you know I was up three times last night?
Coffee in peace. Coffee in peace. Close the door.
Kid’s are knocking. “One minute!”
Just foundation, maybe blush
Time for school, let’s go.
Where’s your shoes? Where’s your coat?
Little babies home.
Take out toys
Fold the laundry
Close the cabinet
Make some food for lunch.
Dirty diaper.
Read a book.
Cuddle with Cutie.
He’s really starting to talk!
A little eyeliner. He wants some too.
Hey I didn’t know you could open that!
Crumbs on feet. Where’s the broom?
Forget it, I’ll just wear socks.
Kick the clothes to the side
No! Not the medicine cabinet!
Open up amazon package
Pop the bubble wrap
Climb in the box. Big smiles.
He wants water. By himself.
There’s no fighting this.
Wipe the spill. Change the outfit.
Did I just step on a banana?
Take away the Advil bottle
Kiss the boo boo away.
Book the appointment
When should we get groceries? Or shower?
Play outside in the yard.
Coffee. Now.
Toys out, toys away, toys out, toys away.
Oh no, he’s in the toilet!
Change the outfit. Again.
Nurse the baby
Diapering once more
Where did I hide that Advil?
Burps and tummy aches, shifting positions.
Why is my phone in the garbage?
Sing some songs, dancing together
Now it’s nap time [hurray!]
Breathe.
Nurse again. Let’s go.
Pick up from school
Everyone hungry.
Everyone cranky.
Eat, quiet, calm down.
More coffee, coffee, coffee now. I’ll make it with some chocolate.
This is the recipe for my patience, the recipe for strength.
Pack the bag
Extra layers and snacks
Snacks that will crumble in my car
Three kids to the car,
My mocha to go in hand
One last bathroom trip, and…
Talk about the day, hear the best and the worst,
Promise to see the projects.
Give Tatty a ride, catch a word.
Let’s go to the park.
Help them climb higher than they thought they could,
Meet them at the bottom of the slide.
Wants a playdate but it’s 5:00
Tantrum.
Baby screaming
Nursing in the car
Get home and…oh, I’m breathing again.
This one wants cuddles
That one’s covered in mud
Oh, I love these children!
Pick up mess
Wow, they are helping!
What can we eat for dinner?
Dinner, oh, right.
Put on a CD. Or talk to Bubby. Or something!
Eat.
Kids on table, food on floor
Food on couch, food on rug, food in my bed!
Kids are crying, time to calm down
Diapers, nursing, hugs, kisses
Now they want something “super exciting”
Uh…Like what?
Bath time, pajamas, teeth, rides, bed.
What beautiful children, thank you Hashem!
A second supper for adults
Woops, only one out of three are asleep.
Dishes, counters
Put in a load
Why is it still messy?!
Back to big boy’s room. Any ideas?
Nurse and rock the little one.
Between extra kisses and stories and songs,
Murmurs from Toddler’s bed. He’s ok, bless him.
Where’s the passi? Pass the salt.
What was I planning on doing when I had a minute?
Wait.
Is that Big Boy again?
“I love you Mommy”
“I love you too, Sweetie”
I love this wonderful job.
Give, Give, Give
Faster, faster, this, that
Let’s go to bed early tonight.

amother

Papaya

Wed, Mar 30 2016, 2:46 pm

I have a very cute 1 year old who gets into everything, and makes huge messes within seconds, but doesn't let me get anything done. If she so much as sees me head toward the kitchen, she comes running and screaming to be held. And guess who doesn't like to take naps either.
Now, I love being home with her and do it by choice, but let me tell you, it is not easy. I had a way easier time when I was working.
My husband is out all day, comes home for dinner and goes right back out after to learn so he's not helping either.

Do you not find yourself exhausted and your house a mess by Sunday night after you've had the kids all day?