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Its not fair😭😭 joint account vs separate
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chicco




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 06 2016, 11:55 am
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
We always had one joint account and if I needed something I would ask and my DH would let me know if we have the funds for that or not. When I purchased my house, I opened my own account as well (my DH would join he is just too lazy to come into the bank to take care of that part) and the mortgage expense gets fully paid out of my account. My paychecks get deposited into that account, so any "extra" money left over AFTER the mortgage expense is paid , I have as extra change to do what I want with it. All of our other expenses get paid out of the joint account which is tied to a VERY STRICT budget. Not always do I have extra spending money and I accept it for what it is. But I'm married for 15 years and just opened my own account last year. We always had a joint account and it was never an issue for me. My DH wont allow me to have a cleaning lady , he considers it a "want" as well, even though to me it's a "need" ...but because we stick to a budget, we would have to take money from "food" a true need in order to pay a cleaning lady...so it becomes a "want" technically...
[b]

I wouldn't say just because you can't have it that it automatically makes it a want. I would agree with you that it is probably also a need, but in a different league than food. Yes you could survive without it, but your house or sanity won't be in tact. That doesn't make it a luxury. I hope you guys get to the point financially that you have everything you need and more!
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 06 2016, 12:01 pm
chicco wrote:
Marriage is a joint union. That means that there is a shared responsibility. A main responsibility in a marriage is the finances. Every couple has to find the methods that work for them- but the idea is the same. There are bills and there is (hopefully) money coming in. Regardless of who is bringing in what, both the husband and the wife have to work together to determine how the money can be spent. When people say they have to ask permission from their spouses- in most cases and in a healthy marriage, I think they are really saying- I don't just spend money without discussing it first to make sure we can afford it. In a super healthy marriage where the husband and wife have common goals and are working together, they usually don't have to discuss every purchase because they are sensitive to the common goal.

OP if you are being conscientious of your budget, and you believe that you do have money for extras, I understand your frustrations. However, if you are being childish, and would rather get your nails done then pay for genuine necessities, your husband may have a point. Either way you guys need to get on the same page and work together to find out a system that works for you and that is realistic.

Good luck!

Well said, chicco


Last edited by observer on Wed, Apr 06 2016, 3:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 06 2016, 12:01 pm
chicco wrote:
[b]

I wouldn't say just because you can't have it that it automatically makes it a want. I would agree with you that it is probably also a need, but in a different league than food. Yes you could survive without it, but your house or sanity won't be in tact. That doesn't make it a luxury. I hope you guys get to the point financially that you have everything you need and more!


Thanks, it is what it is...I'm happy I could pay my tuition, food, mortgage, car and the basics...I used to having a cleaning lady once a week but once I purchased a home, my "roof over my head" expenses doubled and I dont have that "luxury" right now.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Wed, Apr 06 2016, 12:54 pm
U shouldn't have to ask abt minor spending however u should have a budget.
We always have seperate account plus a joint. Problem was we were each depositing paychecks in our own accounts and certain hills came out of my acct and other ones out of his. I actually just moved bulk of money to a joint and also made another one of out accounts joint so we have a joint maaser and checking. However we don't question purchases unless there is a real reason too.
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chickpea_salad




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 06 2016, 7:01 pm
For the first few years DH and I only had one account, partly because we moved countries right after getting married. I was the only one earning, but I always took out x amount at the beginning of the month for 'pocket money'. It was a small amount but it was factored into our budget so I could spend it without worrying I was eating into necessities.

To be pedantic, your husband is right that getting your nails done is a want not a need. But you two should sit down and decide on how much money you both get per month for wants, and stick to it, and never pester each other on how you spend your frivolous money, as long as it has been budgeted for in advance.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Wed, Apr 06 2016, 10:44 pm
Op here. So how do you budget? Can you give me an example?
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2016, 1:55 am
It's nice that people are sharing their arrangements so that we can see what works for different marriages, but honestly to me this doesn't seem like a disagreement about money. It looks to me like finances are a stand in for sharing, control, or something. I would work on strengthening the relationship, and then perhaps they can work out the specifics of spending.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2016, 4:33 am
Bizzydizzymommy wrote:
I dont necessarily ask for the money. But when I charge my credit card, even if it's $10.00 I let my DH know so he can know exactly what's going on , since he handles paying the bills



Im the same way. He sees every charge so it just makes to tell him "btw I ordered a book today". If I go clothes shopping I usually tell him that I'm going shopping... Just because we know everything about each others days! So he knows anyways that I might be buying something. Other times, for example if I go to the grocery store and buy myself a piece of chocolate, he might never know and wouldn't care to know. As long as I'm not making any large unreasonable purchases.
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SYA




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2016, 4:39 am
Prepare a spreadsheet of all your monthly income including paycheck and contractual earnings. Then prepare a list of all your monthly expenses. Steady monthly expenses should be listed separately like food, mortgage, insurance, utilities, and then miscelaneous for all the small things. For seasonal items list that separately and divide by 12 to put aside monthly for it (provided you get a steady monthly salary).

Subtract the expenses from your income to see if you have a profit or loss.

Always leave a "buffer zone" for unexpected emergencies. What's remaining is what you decide together on how to use - some for savings and some for a discretionary fund. The discretionary fund you can decide how you want to use your portion.

There can only be a discretionary fund if you've covered all expenses, put aside for an emergency and still have leftover funds. If you're not covering your expenses you either increase your earnings or lower your expenses.
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little_mage




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2016, 5:04 am
As far as budgeting goes, there's a lot of software out there. Spreadsheets are great, and a good start. A lot of people also like mint.com, which is free. However, based on a previous post, OP, I'm getting the sense you're not in the US. I don't know if it works out of the US. If you google how to create a budget you should get something. Also, perhaps try googling "Budget software [your country]".
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