Logistics of vort/announcing engagement

amother

Seashell

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 10:52 am

We are run of the mill frum, not Haredi and don't quite understand how a vort works. Our child has become Haredi and the couple has decided they want to get married but we are only having a vort in 2 weeks because of Pesach. Logistically, how does it work re: announcing the engagement? When do you announce that they are engaged?

With our other children there was a proposal and then they told us they were engaged and a week or two later we had an engagement party - but a vort seems to work differently. If they aren't engaged until after the vort how do you tell people to come to the vort? Please advise!

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 11:16 am

You ban make it official by making a Lchaim.
You can call both set of parents, and grandparents, siblings, one or two close friends
over to your house, and drink lchaim. You can prepare some cake and fruits, if you
like.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 11:31 am

OK. I got that. Then we can make an announcement and do a vort a week or 2 later?

I got a message recently that someone's child was engaged and they announced that the vort was that same night.

amother wrote:

sky

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 11:38 am

Many times when a couple will get engaged there will be l'chaim that night and a vort later.
The l'chaim can simply be the parents and chosson and kallah getting together and\or with close family stopping in to wish mazel tov. You can put out some simple cake and fruit, nothing elaborate, or nothing at all. I've seen it both ways.

doctorima

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:02 pm

Under the circumstances people will also understand if you're not making the vort until after Pesach. A yeshivishe relative of mine just recently announced their engagement, along with a note that the vort will be after Yom Tov. This can be done whether or not you choose to make a l'chaim with the immediately families (and closest of friends).

anya1

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:17 pm

So what's the actual process of getting engaged? As I said, with my other kids the chatan proposed and gave a ring and then they announced they were engaged and we had an engagement party later.

What do Chareidim do? They just mutually agree they want to get married and then announce it?

sky

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:53 pm

Similar.

Chasan proposes. (Girl knows its coming, but may not know when, where, etc). (I think it is common in chareidi, non chassidish circles that the boy actually asks the girl to marry him and may give flowers, bracelet or other gift - except maybe lubavitch where they do not give a gift).
Share news of engagement
L'chaim and Vort immediately
OR
L'Chaim (with parents and Close friends\relatives) immediately and Vort at a later date

amother

Seashell

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:34 pm

OK - so think we are going to meet the parents next week and decide financial stuff and then we can announce the engagement and we'll do a vort during or after Pesach.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Apr 13 2016, 3:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

doctorima

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:37 pm

Sounds good, though I would strongly recommend vort after Pesach and not during Pesach; it will be much simpler!

amother

Seashell

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 2:08 pm

I agree. The kids are very eager to be able to tell people and thought they'd have to wait for the vort so they wanted to do it before Pesach which we vetoed. We thought on pesach would be a compromise but the rav said we can announce after the parents meet so then there's no real rush to do the vort and it can wait until after Pesach.

doctorima wrote:

Sounds good, though I would strongly recommend vort after Pesach and not during Pesach; it will be much simpler!