Were you ever s-xually harrassed by a stranger? WWYD?

amother

Copper

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 12:37 pm

I was on a bus and a older man was standing near me. He seemed totally normal. I was thinking that I feel bad I could not stand but we were in 2 seats and I had 3 children with me who were too young to stand. The man was standing over me a bit too close for a bus that was not so crowded. He kept bumping into me, I figured he was trying to keep his balance. I moved my legs in a bit more, so he bumped in even more and kept hitting me, I then realized what was happenning. I looked down, saw his pants protruding.....I looked back up at his face and back down again. He realized that I realized what he was doing, he moved further back on the bus. I told the girl he was standing near to be aware of him, she looked at me like I was crazy, but he saw and moved closer to a guy.
I did not know what to do. On one hand I was there with little children and did not want to make a scene in front of them. Yet, A guy cannot harrass a woman like that and get away with it. (I do not live in India or Egypt Smile

) As I was getting off the bus, I said very loudly "You are lucky my kids are with me", He did not look at me and pretended not to notice, but I know he heard and so did many other people on the bus.
What would you do? What did you do if you were in such a situation?

observer

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:32 pm

When I was single, I was in a grocery and one of the workers (non Jewish) brushed by me, touching my behind. I figured maybe it was a tight squeeze and was a mistake. When it happened a second time, I knew it was no mistake. I glared at him and immediately went to tell the manager.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:39 pm

When I was pregnant, a frum looking man stopped me to ask me what store in the area would be a good place to buy a present. It was was weird question altogether, so I gave him a vague answer and tried to keep going, but he was blocking me and kept asking. I suddenly realized he was getting way too close, so I tried to step back and around him but he bumped himself into my pregnant stomach. Uch!
I ran away, but to this day, I regret not smacking him across the face before running.

UnFarvosNischt

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:42 pm

It happened to me and I went to the police. I know it won't help but I felt it's my duty to make it known, if not for me but for others if let's say this guy does it often in buses - in your case.
And I'm so shocked he did it whilst you were with your kids!! Hugs because I know how traumatizing it can be - but you reacted very well!

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:52 pm

The anesthesiologist for my 1st c-section rubbed himself against my head and shoulder through the whole surgery. At first I didn't think anything. But then when it kept going I realized. I kept trying to move my head away but it didn't help at all.
Looking back on it I suspect the ob/gyn team performing the surgery picked up on it. It was so obvious from my squirming the whole time.
After the surgery was over I totally forgot about it until years later I was talking to my dh and he mentioned it to me. I guess he couldn't do anything about it then and also forgot afterwards.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 1:59 pm

I don't know if this one is considered harassment. It was definitely very uncomfortable.

I was maybe 14 years old and I was in a grocery store with my mom.
We were on line waiting our turn to pay and suddenly she remembered that she needed a can of something, so she asked me to go get it for her from across the store.
As a left the aisle holding the can, a Hispanicworker suddenly appeared (it really felt like that - I did not see him coming) He pulled a flower out of a bouquet for sale and said: this is for you.
I was totally not expecting that and I thought it was stealing from the store, so I politely said, it's ok, and tried to keep going.
He blocked my way and insisted that I take it.
Suddenly I felt like someone was watching me and I looked up and saw that I was literally surrounded on all sides by Hispanic workers watching to see if I would take the flower. It seemed to be some kind of dare or bet and they wanted to see if he would do it.

It was so strange because for some reason there were no other shoppers around so I felt really scared and I just took the flower in order to get away. As soon as I took it, they all disappeared and went back to work. When I got to the checkout counter, my Mom was like, Where were you? It's our turn! She was busy paying so I quickly gave her the can and I threw the flower on the floor on my way out.

rachel6543

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 2:24 pm

Yes, happened to me a block from my house. Was pushing my baby in a stroller from shul. I think my husband was with me, can't remember exactly, this was several yrs ago. A man driving stopped his car by the curb, opened his window and made a very vulgar s-xual remark at me. Was disgusting, even worse that is was when I had my baby with me. Immediately reported incident & description of person and vehicle to police.

As to those who describe about the incidents on the bus or even on the street, I think it is a good idea to go ahead and make a scene if it ever happens again. Yell out something like "STOP!! DONT TOUCH ME! GET AWAY! HELP! POLICE!!!" Get the bus driver and other people's attention. Embarass the creep and hopefully stop him from assaulting another person nearby! And contact police if appropriate & report the incident.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 2:31 pm

rachel6543 wrote:

People are disgusting, I can't believe they can do that to a woman with her baby!
But regarding your suggestion I think her children would have been traumatized if she would have reacted like this... It also happened to me and I yelled "ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT????" but I was alone in the street so it didn't help but with my kids I don't know how I would have reacted!

amother

Green

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 2:41 pm

I was probably around 18 or 20 and was on a subway platform waiting for the train in Manhattan, NY and my rearend was groped. I was so stunned and didn't reaize what happened for the first few seconds and when I turned around, I didn't see anyone. So I basically did nothing about it. Looking back, I don't think screaming would have done anything. I learned a lesson though, to be more aware of my surroundings, especially on the subway.

amother

Rose

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:05 pm

amother wrote:

Something about this doesn't seem right to me. An operating room table is not so low, I would think that he wouldn't be able to rub against your head and shoulder. Maybe the Imamothers who work in the operating room can chime in?
Also, your husband saw the doc doing this to you and didn't stop him???
Could it be that this was a dream? Sometimes it is hard to separate dreams from reality especially when you have been medicated.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:16 pm

amother wrote:

You know what Rose? It is ppl like you who make survivors not be able to tell their story! dream??? medication??? PUHLEASE!!!!! When someone tells their story, you BELIEVE them!

amother

Rose

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:20 pm

amother wrote:

You know what Rose? It is ppl like you who make survivors not be able to tell their story! dream??? medication??? PUHLEASE!!!!! When someone tells their story, you BELIEVE them!

I don't mean to insult....
Just doesn't make sense to me.
I have operating room experience so I just can't see this happening during a c-section.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:23 pm

amother wrote:

I don't mean to insult....
Just doesn't make sense to me.
I have operating room experience so I just can't see this happening during a c-section.

dont you have to lean over for a spinal? why is it so inconceivable? I really have to request that you go back and edit your post. I find it very painful and insulting

amother

Rose

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:30 pm

amother wrote:

dont you have to lean over for a spinal? why is it so inconceivable? I really have to request that you go back and edit your post. I find it very painful and insulting

We are not talking about a spinal tap.

greenfire

Tue, Apr 12 2016, 3:38 pm

This happened to me while at a shul kiddush. Several times throughout said kiddush the same man kept coming too close for comfort. The first time I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The last time I turned around and said "if you touch me again I am going to kick you where it hurts" !!! A few kind men took him back to the men's side and kept a watchful eye on him. They claimed he was too drunk. No excuse !!!