Need info about kallah covering hair at her wedding

myname1

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 6:53 am

I rented a shaitel for my wedding even though I don't wear them in general. I think I called a shaitel macher and asked if she has one I could use, and if she could style it for me. It worked very nicely. I actually had a friend who is not at all chassidish (modern BT I believe) who wore her regular hair until the chuppah, and put on a white tichel after cheder yichud. It was probably a bit fancy, but I don't remember. But she was never into looking like everyone else, so probably just did what she/he/they both thought was right without worrying too much. (She seemed to be in a perfectly happy marriage afterwards.) I'm guessing that's what someone meant by "1/2 on, 1/2 off," which is what I was also told is an option, but I decided I'd rather a nice shaitel for the whole thing. These were both in Jerusalem, by the way.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 7:24 am

cnc wrote:

https://www.google.com/search?q=YouTube&oq=YouTube&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i60j0l2.2390j0j4&client=ms-android-verizon&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#q=satmar+mitzvah+tantz&imgrc=geBZX8aMGmgFWM%3A

Zoom in on the kallah.
This one is quite ostentatious, I'll see if I can find any simpler ones.

Did anyone else notice that all the women seem to be crying? I hope it wasn't because of the tichel. LOL

But seriously, I could see a fancy white headdress working well. Only there seem to be a whole lot of underlying issues with this marriage.

amother

Coral

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 8:49 am

1/2 and 1/2.
Before the chuppah uncovered, After the yichud room cover.
It is\was a minhag of ner yisroel yeshiva of Baltimore.

(some Children of holocaust survivors who didn't know their minhag and attended the yeshiva took on this minhag - that is how my family started)

For me covering meant fully covering, not leaving some hair out, so that wasn't an option in either situation.

happybeingamom

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 9:11 am

amother wrote:

I know you mean well and there is some truth in what you are saying, but you don't understand the situation. Hasidic life and customs is new to my daughter. She didn't grow up with it. She thinks that everything is halacha and she has to agree to everything otherwise she will will go to hell. I am not overstating this. She does many things out of fear. She thinks everything is halacha and doesn't understand there are grey areas, different interpretations and many things are simply minhag. I do not want her to quietly accept things that might make her very unhappy. She needs to know she has a voice and that halacha is to live with and there is often wiggle room. A bride is supposed to feel good about herself and be happy at her wedding!

BTW, horrified was an exaggeration. I know many people wear shaitels at their wedding but a tichel, as pretty as it might be, is not something I've ever seen except in pictures of extremely hasidic weddings. That is simple not her or us. If she/they decide to do this I hope she will at least wear a shaitel. Even though she is against them in principle, she might agree just for the wedding.

I am very concerned with your post.

Your daughter must have the knowledge of halacha, chumra, minhag and different drachim. If if she is doing minhag and chumrahs out of fear of going to hell, this is a disaster.

She will one day realize that this is incorrect and she will feel coerced into doing things she did not want to do. At that point in time there is a husband and children and her wanting to make different choices can cause serious Shalom Bayis issues.

You as her mother need to get her educated so she can make proper decisions now. Your daughter needs a Rav or mentor that will give her the real halachic facts, explain minhag and chumrahs so she can serve Hashem with joy not with the fear of Hell on her head.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 2:28 pm

A. if covering usually it's required after chupah
B. As a father told my DH (chosson was Ashkenazi, kallah was Sefardic, she wanted him to come halfway down the aisle & walk her up to the chupah as per Sefardic minhad. He said, but I'm Ashkenaz, it's not my minhag. ) "but until after the chupah, SHE is still Sefardic! " Well, in the end she gave in but the point stands.

If she has a shayla on a bedika, e.g. before the chasunah, she's going to ask your Rov, not his!

I actually agree with poster above to try to push off wedding & have someone very knowledgeable to teach her about Breslov practices, but with an emphasis on what is halacha, what is minhag etc.

I would suggest you have her watch the series Mekimi. I don't know how much is fact & how much fiction but extremely interesting All chapters OR this

amother

Sienna

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 2:53 pm

Thank you for all your responses. I may have overstated some of what I wrote about my daughter. Perhaps some of it is my own fears that seem to come and go based on things that pop up and trigger me.

The chatan is very stable and learns and knows who to ask. He doesn't seem to be the kind to pressure and seems accommodating. I spoke to DD today and explained my concerns. She said she doesn't do anything out of fear and will look into the hair covering thing carefully and that she does everything with חישוב דעת. So maybe I am overreacting.

This is my 3rd child that I'm marrying off and although each is quite different from each other and married into different types of families I had fears and hesitations about them all. I don't know why and I didn't expect to be this way. Maybe it is because they all married/are marrying fairly young and the way it's done in Israel is so different then how I grew up in chul. Anyhow, I've learned that in the end of the day, you do what you can and the rest is up to the kids and of course HaShem.

BTW - is the home page of this site the only place to see recent topics? I notice that people respond to my post but I don't know how they see it unless they go into the specific forum.