What is wrong with him

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Gray

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 6:25 pm

He refuses to let me change his clothes or diaper, ever, without a major tantrum screaming his head off and hitting me and trying to get away. This includes very wet diapers after waking from a nap, leaked through clothing etc. Don't say he was abused, he wasnt out of my sight, ever.

cnc

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 6:27 pm

He may have sensory issues.

jewish613

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 6:30 pm

How old is he? Is this new behavior or has he always been like this?

Lady Bug

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 6:30 pm

Dirty, wet diapers are warm and comfy. No one likes change, neither does your toddler. He's perfectly normal.

Stars

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 6:46 pm

My toddler hates diaper changes too. Normal toddler behavior.

forever21

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 7:02 pm

I disagree. Squirming toddlers is normal but full blown tantrums and screaming is a bit extreme .

amother

Gray

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 7:12 pm

OP. This probably started when he was about a year old. Now he is older and stronger, at 20 months. It is possible it is sensory, his brother has had some issues with that, but this is the only area he complains in. Wait. Now that I think about it, he also has big food tantrums. I thought it was more because he is at an age where he needs independence (+naturally our genes tend breed hyper-independence types). The thing is, he is my sweet, easy child in most areas.
Uch. It is so gross. When I finally wrestle his wet pajamas off, he wipes it on his face and carries it around the house for the next hour, cuddling with it! I dont want to see

Helani

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 7:19 pm

My baby also started fighting diaper changes at about a year old...and got pickier about food...most probably it's just age appropriate behaviors.

Queen6

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 8:05 pm

I've had this with one of mine. When I changed them I would lay them down and lock their legs in mine so there is no wiggle room. My son is now 3 1/2 and still jumps around when getting dressed in the morning. It's totally fine.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 8:27 pm

I had this with DD. She would scream so loud, you'd think we were torturing her. Using a warmer for the diaper wipes helped a little, and so did putting a mobile above the changing table. I tried to make things as comfortable and distracting as possible, and I learned to work FAST!

She also has sensory issues, had feeding problems, and is a picky eater now. These things often go together.

Coffee Addict

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 9:46 pm

I also have this with my baby, not so extreme though. What helps me a lot is , while I diaper her I make loud funny noises to catch her attention. I play around with my tongue (don't laugh) it makes such crazy noises, that she's distracted from what I'm doing. It helps very good bh. I also do it quick!!

Good luck!

miami85

Wed, Apr 13 2016, 9:53 pm

It actually is normal behavior for a toddler, starts at around a year. It's the age of autonomy-- I want to say and do things on MY terms. Children also do not have the sense of "gross" that adults do--they like to play with dirt and get food all over themselves! That is something that develops as a person gets older and that's part of the sense that allows people to toilet train. Try giving him a toy to play with and get his hands busy before you "take him down"

myname1

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 3:46 am

I agree it sounds pretty normal. We sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for every change for a while. At some point I also started changing him while he was standing (usually only when wet), which made it a bit easier. Also sometimes use the couch/bed instead of changing table, especially when just wet. Good luck!

lfab

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 10:30 am

My daughter, now 20 months, did this for a while as well (also started at about a year). Every diaper change was a huge battle! she would roll around, scream, try to pull her pants back up... B"H it finally petered out a couple of months ago. Sounds like normal, albeit extremely frustrating, behavior. Hopefully he will grow out of it soon.

amother

Jade

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 11:36 am

Op, I could have written this post, except my DC is 2 1/2 and still tantruming at every diaper change. I change him less often than I otherwise might, because he is just so impossible about it. Every diaper change is completely exhausting. He screams, hits, kicks, and locks his legs closed There is no way to distract him with toys or songs, it just doesn't work. I am at my wits end already, so no advice, but plenty of hugs.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 12:01 pm

He thinks something of his is being taken from him. That is why he cuddles the used pajama.

When you go to change him, hand him a small piece of clothing he has already worn, without saying anything. It should be colorful and smelly. Look pleasant but this is not the moment to relate to him. He should be concentrating on that shirt, not on you.

Also have soft music playing.

Say nothing. There is no usefulness in his associating the sound of your voice with this.

Smile very sweetly, big broad smile, no matter what you may be privately feeling, hand him the used shirt, and work very fast.

Consider changing the brand of wipes. They smell terrible to him. Scentless would be better.

Get new pants on him quickly so he isn't cold.

Now relate. When you are done, immediately start talking, a lot, lots, loudly, very positively, and at the same time get physical, hug him. Tell him he is wonderful, no matter how he acted. Immediately get him into a new room, doing new things. It is fine if he wants to carry that dirty shirt around with him and rub it on his face. Have a few spare used shirts in reserve.

The only other thing is to get somebody else to change him, but that is probably not practical.

He may need a lot of bouncing, tickling, hand-held dancing, and climbing. Get his father in on that too. It's a different voice and touch.

Climbing is so, so, so important for this kind of kid, I think. Let him run and rant outside and get dirty. They need that and they need the dirt too, within reason, to boost their immunity.

I have no training at all and this is not a remotely professional opinion.

lavender_dew

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 12:13 pm

My daughter went through the same thing for a while. It was so baffling and frustrating. I couldn't understand why she'd want to stay in a yucky diaper, but in the end I viewed it as her not wanting to be "controlled" when she realized she could run away. Sometimes it got to the point where I'd be sweating and out of breath by the time I got her to stay still. I know it's rough, but it will pass eventually.

Miri7

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 12:30 pm

My DD, around the same age, can be very difficult (more than the usual toddler difficult) during diaper changes. I figured out that she likes looking out the window. So, for wet diaper changes, I stand her in front of a window so she can look out, and I change the diaper standing, like another poster said. It keeps her pretty distracted, and it's harder for her to kick and scream when she's standing with her pants around her ankles.

I talk to her and ask if she sees a bus, or birds, or trees. It keeps her busy looking and thinking and trying to talk to me.

The window might not work for you, but experiment with changing where and how you change him. Maybe you can break the cycle of tantrums by changing the associations he has with diaper changing.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Apr 14 2016, 12:38 pm

this reminded me of an issue I'm having with my toddler. when he bathes he refuses to sit all the way down on his bottom. he'll crouch, or squat or stand. when he stands he pushes his legs really close together. he does all this while playing and singing.
it scares me. he is in playgroup during the day.

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