Hotel Babysitting / Overprotective

kelsorino

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 4:12 pm

Going to a hotel for first days pesach. I would prefer not to because I have two little children and its going to be chaotic but my husband has not been with his family for pesach in many years and really wants to.
I have a general rule that if I wont lend you my diamonds you don't get to be responsible for my children (I wont hire any babysitter, either I have family or close friends watch my children). I don't feel comfortable at all leaving my babies with some random stranger in the hotel programs babysitting while I go down to the seder. There isn't even a phone that the can call me on if a child wakes up! My younger baby has also not been healthy and I am extremely over protective of him (wont even let some close family watch him). I am okay with missing the seder (a bit sad) but its been a hard year and I'm not in a very seder-y type place, iand I happen to always have hated (yes, I know strong word) pesach.
I reallllllllllly don't want to take my children off their schedules. It will be hard enough getting them to go down in a new place at their regular bed times, it will be impossible once they are overtired so keeping them up would be the worst of all evils.
My in-laws think I am being a stubborn and either I should just leave my children with the babysitter or keep them up. Am I being a brat? I informed them and my husband this would be the case before we agreed to go with them so everyone knew this from the get-go but now they are worried what everyone else at the program would think if I missed the seder.

HEEEELLLPPPP. (I also haven't slept in 8 months so I am not exactly ina rational decision making place)

kelsorino

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 4:45 pm

The seder isn't even going to start until around 9 pm and bedtime is 6 30 - 7 15 so there is no way I can keep them up that late. At least I can just tell my in-laws this is what people do. It makes it worse because I have a s.I.l who has no problem keeping her child awake until midnight and he will just sleep until noon the next day. my children will be up at 6 am regardless of when they go to sleep.

Blue jay

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 4:54 pm

kelsorino wrote:

There are a couiple of scenerios:

1. Chances are your children will not flall asleep on schedule at 6:30 because you will be in a hotel and different enviroment. You might want to be flexible for a 9;00 seder and have bedtime when you cry "uncle" regardless of anyone elses opinion. If you can keeep a stroller or pack in play near by the chidlren will have someplace to fall aslpeep and you can continue to be part of the seder while they sleep.

2. You can just for-go the whole seder and stay in the hotel room with some good books and room service. Please ask your rav what is the minimum you are required to do. Its so important that you do whats best for you and the kids.

Raisin

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 4:57 pm

I think you are being a bit overprotective not to use a babysitter in the same hotel. You/dh can always go up every 20 minutes to check all is ok...(or even more frequently) and if the baby wakes up you will be around.

I do what your sil does since I really have no choice (we run a big communal seder). Bh my kids don't wake up at 6am. Sure, they are a bit cranky the next day, but we survive.

Mama Bear

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 8:13 pm

It's Yomtov... everyone's off schedule.... as the poster above me said, give them a late nap and let them at least be part of the seder.... if not, there's no reason for you to be so scared to let someone watch your kids *WHEN THEYRE SLEEPING*. They're not being played with or fed or wahtever. and Im sure your babies are not the only one being watched and there will be a system to let parents know if a baby has woken. If not, you can check on them from time to time. Missing a pesach seder is quite extreme - you'll sit in a darkened room all evening? or go to sleep and not be at the seder? Not to mention y ou'll be hungry. There are ways to make this work.

it seems to me that you have more deep seated issues though, bc it's not the norm for someone to be so afraid to let an in-house babysitter watch a sleepingn child, and to be so willing to miss a Pesach seder bc of it. I suspect you could benefit from some professional help if you're not yet getting.

The not sleeping for the past 8 months - that's really really tough. and it's probably making you cranky and moody. ((HUGS))

amother

Pearl

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 9:09 pm

I just want to lend you some support- I also never leave my kids with random babysitters I don't know and wouldn't put them to sleep and leave them with someone they don't know if the babysitter can't get in touch with me. A hotel can be very large and the dining room very far from the rooms. You can't just run back to check on them. My kids also get up early regardless and I have a sis in law who keeps her kids up and they sleep in so I get where you are coming from. You have to do what works for you. I always brought the kids to the beginning of the seder and tried to put them to sleep in the stroller and when that inevitably failed I take them back to the room and put them to sleep and stay with then and miss the rest of the seder. I dread sedarim in hotels. As well as late night yom tov dinners. Hotels with little kids and no help is difficult on the mother. Decide what's best for you and talk it over with your husband and make sure he backs you up. Good luck!

amother

White

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 9:23 pm

I'm with Pearl.

Do what works for you.

Would not leave my children in rooms with random babysitters unsupervised and provided by hotel. Maybe if they're girls provided and vouched for by the Pesach program and they knew where I was and somehow (?) had some system by which to find me or reach me on the admittedly off chance that they needed to. Then again I don't leave my children in apartment sleeping alone unless someone is with them (babysitter etc.) -- not into the random check thing.

It would probably be fine but the one chance is too much for me when it comes to my children.

pesek zman

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 9:25 pm

Honestly, I think you are unreasonably overprotective.

But I'm a mom who has her baby in daycare and would hire a random babysitter for my sleeping baby more often if my budget allowed it (and have occasionally hired a random babysitter for my sleeping baby on Friday nights when there was certainly no way for her to reach me)

Mama Bear

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 9:31 pm

again, I hope the babysitter isnt someone *random*, but someone vetted and trustworthy and you make a system for how you *are* reached in case they wake.

It does bring up a general question, what people with little children do when they go to a hotel for Pesach. Can people chime in on what they do when they go to a hotel for pesach? I'm sure a lot of people face this issue.... Same thing when you go to a hotel for shabbos, for a simcha, for any reason when there are late night seudos and you have little kids who need their beds. I guess they either sleep in a stroller or stay awake until they can't move anymore.... usually there arent even babysitters when you just go for a simcha or something.

ra_mom

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 9:41 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

Everybody faces this issue in hotels and people deal with it in different ways, as suggested above.
Some people pay for an extra room and overtime payroll and have their regular help come along with them (well, those who have regular help all Wink

)
Most people agree that if you'd like to enjoy Pesach at a hotel, wait until the youngest is a tween/teen/at an age that they can be trusted to be on their own.
We went twice, once when I was a tween an once when I was a teenager. Dh and I have be wistful about having the funds to go as a married couple with our children. But then I remembered what it was like for the families with little ones and realize this really isn't the time for it anyway.

amother

Plum

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 9:50 pm

I once worked as a counselor in the children's program of a Pesach hotel. a friend of mine, who was also a counselor, and I were hired to stay with one family's sleeping kids Seder night. The mother was really confident the kids wouldn't wake up, and they didn't. But if there had been s problem, there were two of us babysitters so one of us could have run to the dining room.

Anyway, that said, I was just talking with my husband about how now that we have little kids of our own bh, I would not want to go to a Pesach hotel... It doesn't sound easy or relaxing.

Dandelion1

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 10:01 pm

Op you are going to have a very hard time getting a consensus, both here, and even more so, from your family. I think you'll just have to decide how strongly you feel about the factors involved.

Chances are, if you choose to skip the seder, you will be judged by some...

For example, like you, I would have a problem leaving my children with strangers. But I have no attachments to schedules whatsoever and would see choosing a sleep schedule over a family seder as rigid.

I say that to point out that there is NO way you will get universal agreement. People in my family would mock me for being too "paranoid" to leave my kids with the babysitter.

You're gonna have to weigh all the factors, and ultimately do what feels most right to you. Everyone else will have to deal.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Apr 17 2016, 11:44 pm

I go to hotels and I can tell you what people do:

1. The babysitters are not from the hotel its from the program. It's girls they pick it's not just anybody. If you are picky you can call now and speak to the head of the babysitting department and interview the babysitter and research what kind of girl she is. She doesn't have to be a stranger. You can make sure she is warm and trustworthy.

2. There is usually a bunch of babysitters on each floor and then there are two or three girls that go around to check up on the babysitters and also they bring the babysitters food. Another one of their jobs is to call a parent if a child wakes up.

3. These programs are professionally run and the babysitters aren't just anybody.

4. And op you have to learn to be flexible. You can have a schedule but there are always exceptions. If your sister was getting married would you also not go to her wedding because you don't trust anybody to watch your kids? Would you also have your kids miss your sisters wedding? A Seder is also only twice a year and it's good for kids to be part of the Seder. I feel bad for your husband that he can never spend a Seder with his parents because his wife has extreme anxiety issues.

5. A Seder is important for you to. Woman are also Mechuyav in the Seder and they are supposed to say the whole Hagada. Yes it is very strange for a woman to not show up to a Seder at all? Do you really plan on making your own Seder in your room?

It does look really weird that a woman does not join a Seder because her kids need to sleep.

Maybe go to a psychiatrist now to get medications so that you can actually enjoy your pesach experience and better yet you will let your husband enjoy his without a wife who is a wreck because maybe the kids will go to bed an hour later one night.

Please do yourself a favor and get the help you need now.