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Hotel Babysitting / Overprotective
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 17 2016, 11:47 pm
amother wrote:
I go to hotels and I can tell you what people do:

1. The babysitters are not from the hotel its from the program. It's girls they pick it's not just anybody. If you are picky you can call now and speak to the head of the babysitting department and interview the babysitter and research what kind of girl she is. She doesn't have to be a stranger. You can make sure she is warm and trustworthy.

2. There is usually a bunch of babysitters on each floor and then there are two or three girls that go around to check up on the babysitters and also they bring the babysitters food. Another one of their jobs is to call a parent if a child wakes up.

3. These programs are professionally run and the babysitters aren't just anybody.

4. And op you have to learn to be flexible. You can have a schedule but there are always exceptions. If your sister was getting married would you also not go to her wedding because you don't trust anybody to watch your kids? Would you also have your kids miss your sisters wedding? A Seder is also only twice a year and it's good for kids to be part of the Seder. I feel bad for your husband that he can never spend a Seder with his parents because his wife has extreme anxiety issues.

5. A Seder is important for you to. Woman are also Mechuyav in the Seder and they are supposed to say the whole Hagada. Yes it is very strange for a woman to not show up to a Seder at all? Do you really plan on making your own Seder in your room?

It does look really weird that a woman does not join a Seder because her kids need to sleep.

Maybe go to a psychiatrist now to get medications so that you can actually enjoy your pesach experience and better yet you will let your husband enjoy his without a wife who is a wreck because maybe the kids will go to bed an hour later one night.

Please do yourself a favor and get the help you need now.


I guess you're only anonymous so that you can make nasty armchair diagnoses?
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ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 12:26 am
OP You have several options... You always need to have a Plan B...

1- As soon as you get to the hotel ask to meet your assigned baby sitter. Pay her for an hour or two so you can sit and read a book and sneak some peaks to see how she is relating to your kids.

2- Pesach is the one time of year that everyone's sleep schedules fly out the window. Have your kids nap with you in the afternoon and then bring them to seder beautifully dressed so everyone can Ooooh and aaaah over their cuteness. When they get tired they can sleep in the stroller for a while. We ALL survived staying up for the seder as kids and NO harm was done. Ultimately IF they are loud, whiney and completely out of control everyone will want them to be put to bed so just take them upstairs and put them to sleep.

NOW is the tricky part... remember the girl you hired for an hour or two to hang out and get to know your kids... do you have enough faith that they can sit in a semi dark room while your kids are fast asleep and read a book in the muted light coming from the bathroom????

Do you really REALLY believe your children will wake up at this point looking for you or do you understand that they are probably completely exhausted and may actually sleep all the way to 8:00 AM??!!

PLAN A
IF you trust the girl then leave the kids sleeping in their cribs and head down to the seder. every 20-30 minutes you can slip away for a few minutes to check up on what is happening... THIS is what you will find when you carefully open the hotel room door:

Two little kids fast asleep and a baby sitter holding up book and trying to read by the light of the bathroom.

OR..

PLAN B
You can take the kids up to the hotel room yourself and put them to sleep and then spend the next 3 hours alone in a semi dark room wide awake agonizing over whether you made the right decision to abandon all the festivity of a pesach seder with family at a nice hotel.

Ultimately the choice is yours- but there ARE choices :-)
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 1:34 am
I'm just curious all of these girls babysitting in hotels are frum girls?if yes does that mean that they don't have a seder? My daughter was thinking of going to a hotel to be a babysitter I don't think I would let her go if she wasn't going to be part of a seder
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 1:45 am
amother wrote:
And I certainly don't think there is anything deep seated in not leaving your kids with strangers when there is no way to get in touch with the babysitter if necessary. To me that's perfectly normal.

I agree.

Re: schedules:

I don't mind kids getting slightly "off schedule" during Yom Tov. Parents are also usually off schedule then too, so it all works out somehow.

I would probably bring them to seder and then bring a pack-n-play or stroller that they could nap in while in the hotel dining room. But my kids can sleep through loud background noise -- not sure about yours.
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MrsDash




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 1:47 am
amother wrote:
I go to hotels and I can tell you what people do:

1. The babysitters are not from the hotel its from the program. It's girls they pick it's not just anybody. If you are picky you can call now and speak to the head of the babysitting department and interview the babysitter and research what kind of girl she is. She doesn't have to be a stranger. You can make sure she is warm and trustworthy.

2. There is usually a bunch of babysitters on each floor and then there are two or three girls that go around to check up on the babysitters and also they bring the babysitters food. Another one of their jobs is to call a parent if a child wakes up.

3. These programs are professionally run and the babysitters aren't just anybody.

4. And op you have to learn to be flexible. You can have a schedule but there are always exceptions. If your sister was getting married would you also not go to her wedding because you don't trust anybody to watch your kids? Would you also have your kids miss your sisters wedding? A Seder is also only twice a year and it's good for kids to be part of the Seder. I feel bad for your husband that he can never spend a Seder with his parents because his wife has extreme anxiety issues.

5. A Seder is important for you to. Woman are also Mechuyav in the Seder and they are supposed to say the whole Hagada. Yes it is very strange for a woman to not show up to a Seder at all? Do you really plan on making your own Seder in your room?

It does look really weird that a woman does not join a Seder because her kids need to sleep.

Maybe go to a psychiatrist now to get medications so that you can actually enjoy your pesach experience and better yet you will let your husband enjoy his without a wife who is a wreck because maybe the kids will go to bed an hour later one night.

Please do yourself a favor and get the help you need now.


Wow, this escalated pretty quickly! Yikes, mustard amother, perhaps you should be evaluated? Silly
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 3:30 am
I consider myself a pretty laid back parent, but I can sympathize with OP. I didn't let anyone but family watch DD until she was over 5, and could clearly tell me if something was wrong.

Still, remember that the hotel's number one concern is liability. They will do anything and everything to keep from getting sued. That means that whoever they hire is going to be doing their job. I'm sure that if your kids wake up, they will be soothed back to sleep. Anyone who takes that job has to love kids, and will want to make everyone happy.

Your kids will be in the same building with you, not across town. There will be a way for them to reach you if anything seems off. Again, liability.

Most hotels have very tight seating in the dining rooms, so a pack and play is not practical, but if you can get them to sleep in their strollers that is a possibility (although annoying for anyone who has to get up and maneuver past them. Please be considerate of where you park them, and ask for a different table if you have to.)
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 4:41 am
Hotels usually make an earlier Seder for kids so that's when the girl babysitters have their Seder. Or the girls have a private Seder after they finish babysitting.

Not every parent will let their daughters babysit in a hotel I know I would never.

Sometimes the girls will sit in the hallway right outside the room and make their own Seder there.

Every hotel and every program does it differently so really if you would want your daughter to a babysit you would have to ask that specific program what exactly they do to have the girls have their own Seder.

Usually girls who babysit love kids. No girl would go if not. A lot of times these babysitters are the day camp counsellors in the day so they are great with kids.

Again research the babysitter and find out about her. You still have half of a week to pesach.

And it is extreme to not let someone watch your kids when you are in the same building and you can be there any second and your kids are sleeping and if you want you can research the babysitter so that she isn't a stranger anymore.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 5:16 am
amother wrote:
Hotels usually make an earlier Seder for kids so that's when the girl babysitters have their Seder. Or the girls have a private Seder after they finish babysitting.

Not every parent will let their daughters babysit in a hotel I know I would never.

Sometimes the girls will sit in the hallway right outside the room and make their own Seder there.

Every hotel and every program does it differently so really if you would want your daughter to a babysit you would have to ask that specific program what exactly they do to have the girls have their own Seder.

Usually girls who babysit love kids. No girl would go if not. A lot of times these babysitters are the day camp counsellors in the day so they are great with kids.

Again research the babysitter and find out about her. You still have half of a week to pesach.

And it is extreme to not let someone watch your kids when you are in the same building and you can be there any second and your kids are sleeping and if you want you can research the babysitter so that she isn't a stranger anymore.

I disagree that it is "extreme" to not place your child in the care of a babysitter whom you have never met.

I don't know who these girls are, or how carefully they are vetted by those hiring them. They don't necessarily "love kids." They could just be doing it to make some cash. Some people are good at what they do, others are not.

How would the OP "research" these girls? I suppose she could contact the hotel. Would they give her the girls' phone numbers so she can contact them? How many babysitters typically work in a hotel over Pesach? 1 or 2? 5 or 6? Would they OP have to vet all of them?

Also, they are caring for a whole bunch of children at once. Not an ideal situation.

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this unless I knew the babysitters well.
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fleetwood




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 6:02 am
Many kids,mine included would not sleep on a stroller in that situation. They would just cry and scream disturbing the Seder. I can't believe people are saying o.p has anxiety issues and needs help. If my kids were left with some stranger and woke up,no amount of soothing would help. Furthermore no matter how late they stay up,they would still wake up at 6, making for an awful day for all of us
O.p I whole heartedly understand all your concerns. For people to say you have issues is wrong.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 6:33 am
I went to a hotel program one year, and the babysitters were local non-Jewish girls, although I doubt that makes a difference in terms of their competence or trustworthiness. At that program, nighttime sitting was done in the family's room, not a congregate location, although some families will double up to save money. If you want to know if the sitters have been subject to a background check or have any supervision, contact the program.

This could go a few ways: engage a babysitter and 1. Go to the Seder; 2. Go to part of the Seder; 3. Move quickly through your own Seder; 4. Visit the children every so often during the Seder.

Or, don't engage a babysitter and make your own Seder in the room. Just tell your extended family that this is the decision that works best for your immediate family.

I don't see why one solution is better than another - just do whatever makes you most comfortable.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 6:49 am
Wow people are being so extreme! First let's remember that each hotel situation and each kid and each person is different. those of you saying that op should keep her kids up- imagine keeping a 1 year old and 2.5 year old up till past midnight, from 9 and on they are overtired and crazy and kvetchy and you can't sit in your seat and enjoy the seder anyway because you are running after them and taking care of them, and after all that they won't settle down at night and then wake up at 5:30 AM. You are all sleeping in the same room so one kid gets up and everyone is up except your husband who manages to sleep through everything and you have to entertain everyone in the dark room until it's OK to get everyone dressed and leave the room. Do this 2 days in a row and now you are exhausted and will have a migraine by lunchtime on the second day. If you can't imagine this scenario and think it is extreme, then hooray for you! You don't have to deal with the same issues and therefore the consequences will not be as much of an issue for you...
Also, most of the girls on the programs are NOT vetted, and sometimes the hotel brings in babysitters from the area. Besides for the fact that to pay for 2 babysitters would be a much bigger expense and the kids still are not familiar with them when waking up in an unfamiliar environment. In addition it's wonderful for the people whose kids never wake up once put to sleep, but that is NOT how everyone's kid sleeps.
And to run back to check - it can take 15 min to get from the dining room to the hotel room and could involve a bunch of flights of stairs. It wouldn't make sense to go back a few times in such a case, you'd never be sitting at the seder!
Again, everyone has to do what works for them, but realize that people are dealing with different things - be understanding and accepting! And thankful if you can't understand the challenges!
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 6:59 am
Where I went, the program's counselors babysat for all night meals except the seder. The program wouldn't take the girls from Seder, so for that, the program uses an agency and hired sitters. I didn't use them and took my kids with me. But, we insisted on getting a private seder room (and paid for it), so we set up sleeping corners and toys, and it was quieter in general and the kids could run around without me running after them. We brought blocks and made pyramids, and I could sit on the floor with them and still be part of the seder.

And yes, my always up by your kid slept until 8:30. It was still early for most kids, but not for mine. Make sure there is food in your room the night before, because one kid will wake up ravenous and the other still sleeping, and you can't take the awake one down for breakfast without waking the sleeper (assuming they slept through until shul started), or it's 6 am and breakfast isn't being served yet. If you go to the kitchen erev yom tov and ask, they will give you food.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 7:02 am
amother wrote:
I'm just curious all of these girls babysitting in hotels are frum girls?if yes does that mean that they don't have a seder? My daughter was thinking of going to a hotel to be a babysitter I don't think I would let her go if she wasn't going to be part of a seder


I worked as a babysitter many years ago at one of these programs. They gave us "seder in a box" and we were expected to have our own. It didn't really feel like Pesach to me and I never did it again, but I did earn $500 for the week. At 16, that was a small fortune.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 7:04 am
I honestly think people who have never been to a hotel shouldn't be commenting on this thread, I'm seeing a lot of misconceptions about how it works. I also have ILs who do the hotel thing every year (we split the holiday between the two sides, and we always spend part of the week at the hotel). First of all, it's totally not true that the hotel doesn't work for young kids. It totally does, they have programs for all ages. I look forward every year, those few days are the biggest break I get for myself all year. The only hard part is the sedarim, because it does require special arrangements. The counselors in the day camp generally do NOT babysit for the sedarim because they need to make their own sedarim. The program either hires non-Jewish sitters for those nights or they refer you to a local agency to find sitters for those nights. The program we go to does the agency thing. I also don't like to let just anyone watch my kids, but with the agency, I can contact the sitter in advance to interview her and decide if I'm OK with her. There was one year where I called the agency back and requested someone different. I have the sitter come early so the kids can meet her. During the seder, I usually have to go back at one point to put children who do go attend to sleep (the younger ones are asleep in the room the whole time), so I check in then. I usually check in again at one point during the meal. It's a bit of a hassle, but not crazy, and really, the kids are sleeping. I'm not saying you should get over yourself and do it how I described (I think that other poster was nasty), I'm just giving you a realistic view of how it's done so that you're aware of how it really works and that it can be done. You may not like Pesach, but you do have a chiyuv to have a seder and while you could do it in the room by the light of the bathroom, you'll probably have have an easier time attending the seder with everyone. But if you really can't, and you feel it's best to stay with the kids and make the sedarim alone in your room, then do that, no need to feel weird or guilty about it, ignore the yentas.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 7:25 am
I love the idea of paying more for a semi private room. I was SO jealous of the people who were having a more quiet seder, where their kids could play or sleep right next to their parents, grandparents, etc.

When we were in the main hall, it was a balagan. Everyone was going at their own pace, sometimes VERY loudly. Some were singing zemirot at the top of their lungs and pounding the tables, and kids were crying everywhere.

Honestly, I'd rather be sitting by the bathroom light if I had that option!

I stayed at the Jerusalem Ramada. The staff there is almost entirely Arab Xians, and they were all very respectful and nice. We had great service. I wouldn't have a problem with one of them doing the babysitting on Seder night. During the week there were lots of kid's programs run by Jewish staff, but DD wasn't interested. We spent every minute we could during womens' swim hours in the pool, or napping.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 8:46 am
Well another option op has is to pay for another bedroom and bring along her own babysitter and pay for the babysitter too. Many people do that. Then she would really enjoy the hotel.

But it's not normal to not show up at all to the Seder and to not even try to show up and say this is it I'm not coming.

Op is not even giving her kids a chance that maybe they will behave. Op can also nap her kids before but she doesn't want to be flexible she wants to do it exactly her way and she is not taking her husbands feelings into consideration that he wants her at the Seder.

It's normal for kids to have schedules but it's also normal for people to be flexible at times too. A Seder is an exception.

And it's not healthy for a marriage that the husband wants her at the Seder and she is not even trying to be accommodating.

Try the first night nap the kids and see how they behave and then you will worry about the second night.
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glamourmom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 1:18 pm
op, I hear your points. they are good ones.
I just want to say that in past years I have tried to stick to my kids schedule's on yom tov and it turned out to be even more tiring than just letting them stick around and doze off in the carriage whenever they were ready for it.
usually when away from home, kids won't stick to their regular schedule either way so trying too hard to stick to it can be more exhausting for you then letting them stay awake and be at the seder.
getting them to take an extended nap in the afternoon (think late afternoon) will hopefully enable you to join the seder for at least a little bit and then if they get too cranky or rowdy and you need to put them to bed, you can always do that.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 1:28 pm
I am by no means neurotic and I would be very hesistant to leave my children with a babysitter that I dont know very well.

A lot of advice given so far is great if you are talking about preschool and up children like 4+. I let my five year old stay up for as much of the seder as he wishes but when he was a baby and toddler no way. He went to bed. At the age of 3 and some change I gradually started to let him stay up a bit later until now at 5 I dont force a bedtime. If OP's kids are 1 and 3 taking a long nap wont help. They will be cranky and upset. Also don't forget that she said her younger child is not healthy. For that alone people should let up on telling her she is over reacting.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 1:49 pm
Op stated in her original post that she let her husband know that this is why she is doing. So obviously her husband doesn't agree with her. Marriage is not my way or the highway so she should try to be a little bit accommodating and not I'm doing this and that's it.

She should try do the firs Seder and see not just say I don't care I'm not joining the Seder or listening to any ideas of what might work.
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mazal555




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 18 2016, 2:52 pm
marriage is not my way or the highway, but you don't compromise on what you feel is safe for your kids to make your spouse happy.

I personally would never leave my kids with a babysitter I don't know well, and I am not neurotic. If I am not related to you or don't know you for 20 years, I don't leave my kids with you. And that's that.

I think it's inconsiderate of the in laws to be putting so much pressure, but sometimes that is what it is and you can't change people and you have to do what you have to do for your DH. So in this case I would go with the pack'n'play/stroller option, and the kids will cry and be hysterical but it's not dangerous and chances are that after the first seder the in laws will be annoyed and won't expect you to do it again. Otherwise, you will just hear about it later that you 'didn't even try'. It's just for 1 or maybe 2 nights, and just keep telling yourself, 'this will pass' and if anyone complains just calmly remind them that you said this would happen and this is why you didn't want to go.

And I think that people who are making diagnoses and think that OP needs help/medication because she won't leave her kids with a stranger may consider getting help for their delusions of thinking they are licensed psychiatrists. Wink

Yes, I know I just did it too. It's a joke.
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