Am I overprotective?

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 1:30 am

I'm curious to know if I'm overprotective?

BH, I have a very active 2 yr old DS. He's my old child and I was older when I had him so he's the center of my universe. I'm a sahm so DS is with me most of the day and night (cosleep). He's my only one so I can keep my eyes on him most of the time, which I do. I leave him alone for short periods of time when we are home and he's playing nicely in a "childproof area". But I don't do it for long because I still feel he's too young and can be a danger to himself.

Over YT we went out for both lunches to two different friends homes. Both homes are typical yeshivish families with VERY large families - lots of kids and grandkids playing everywhere.

DS would not stay sitting at the table during lunches - he won't sit in a highchair/booster. He's very active - likes to move around/play. He's a good kid, just active and loves to explore. Also gets nervous if he's away from mommy for awhile in new territory. I stayed at the table and let him play within view but once he was out of view I got nervous and went to watch him. At both homes I was told by other people "you don't have to stay with him - he will be fine." One person teased me and said I need to cut the umbilical cord. So I left him once and came back - he was playing with a printer, when in someone's bedroom and found medication, was playing with the water dispenser in the kitchen, turning nobs on a bbq pit in the backyard...

Do other people's 2 yr olds not do these things or do they not care? Am I over protective? I don't feel it's safe to leave DS alone for too long to play. Enlighten me, please!

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 1:46 am

Thank you for the confirmation - you are correct that I shouldn't care what other people think.

I'm still curious if other people's 2 yr olds get into stuff like this? Both people who said this to me have many children so maybe it's different when kids grow up in large families - like they are used to less supervision as the norm?

mommy3b2c

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 1:55 am

amother wrote:

My two year olds did.

amother

Gray

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 3:11 am

I could have written your post. I always feel like the crazy overprotective parent compared to our friends who let their toddlers walk ledges and go through kitchen drawers with sharp knives. Don't listen to anyone else, Hashem gave you the right instincts to keep your child safe.

I also had my kids when I was older but I'm thinking that contributes more to wisdom than being overprotective.

5mom

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 3:14 am

A two year old in an unfamiliar environment certainly needs close supervision. Don't apologize for that!

But for his long term development, it's good to have short, safe separations. Being with mom 24/7 can keep a child from developing necessary independence. He needs to learn to navigate the world on his own.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 3:26 am

I consider myself a pretty laid back parent, but a two year old is like a really mobile baby! Curiosity will over ride and sense of danger they have, every single time.

In larger families, they can rely on the older kids to keep an eye on the younger ones (or at least that's the way it's supposed to work in theory.) If you have an only child, you have to jump and run every time you hear a crash, or when it seems like it's been quiet for too long. It's totally normal.

I had a really easy DD, but she still got into all kinds of things. The stories my sister tells me about her boys makes me really count my blessings! shock

Hashem knows exactly how much excitement my nerves can take. LOL

You sound like you're doing a good job, looking for the balance between safety, and letting him get some independence. It's a very fine line for all of us. Get used to it, because you'll be having this argument in your head until he leaves for college. Every stage is an exercise in holding on and letting go.

newmom770

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 5:43 am

To the poster above- if she wants her child out of her bed at 2 years its fine but if its not an issue for her he can stay as long as they want, no harm. The benefit is closeness, healthy attachment, warm connection. Saying he 'should' be out of her bed like its an absolute fact is ridiculous. You are telling her to stop something wonderful for no good reason - its an opinion which is not a fact but a result of your upbringing and worldview.

To OP: clearly your child got into danger with the medicines and also risked damaging your hosts property. Being alone in someone elses bedroom should not be happening. If you left him to play in the yard or the playroom with other kids and maybe asked a couple of the older kids to keep an eye on him, thats a better option. Please note if the other children playing were children of the host or kidswho come to this house alot then they know the rules and boundries well. For example my children know to never open certain windows that would pose a danger to falling out but someone else's child would not be used to staying away and not opening the window unless told.
Its normal for your 2 year old to follow you around the house because its normal and healthy to want to be with other humans.

imasinger

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 6:27 am

You know your child; nobody else does.

Sometimes, parents with large families might forget that they have taught their older kids to look out at least sometimes for their own little ones.

In your situation, there are several middle options beside either your totally ignoring him, or your leaving your hosts' table altogether to be with him.

Maybe, as newmom suggested, ask your hosts to appoint a responsible child or two to be with him and come and get you if there is trouble.

You could do periodic checks, where you make sure all is well, every 10-15 minutes or so.

You can also ask that the families bring out toys for him to play with near the table. Or bring some of your own.

A combination of all of these 3 strategies ought to give you some reasonable grownup time, and still keep him safe and happy during a long YT meal. And if not, in the future, you can tell hosts that you will need to leave after an hour and a half or so. That way, there are no surprises, and there is less likely to be pressure.

Enjoy the rest of Pesach with your little guy!

asp40

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 9:06 am

I think that you are being a responsible parent. We followed our kids around in other peoples homes until they were maybe 4 or even older, depending on the kid and the environment. People have all kinds of dangerous things and most of my kids were not cautious at all. When I have people over now, I always tell them that my home is no longer childproof, as my kids are older. You would be shocked at how many just let their 2/3 year olds run free, and aside from the destruction they cause, it is not safe. Usually my husband will go and watch their kids, or play with their kids, as the parents are too lazy to get up and do it themselves. Or they rely on my kids to amuse their kid for hours on end.

You are doing the right thing. Once he shows a bit more caution and understanding of danger, you can leave him be more.

MamaBear

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 9:15 am

Some kids are more curious than others. My second was like that and I definitely watched him most of his waking hours. Yes it was hard.

You do sound a bit overprotective but honestly, who cares? As he gets older, just be sure to give him more independence. He's so young right now - don't worry about it

amother

Orchid

Mon, Apr 25 2016, 9:18 am

I think you were right in the situation but could also do more to encourage more independence. In someone else's house you need to be more vigilant. You don't know what's lying around and you need to protect your child from danger and yourself from the embarrassment of your child breaking someone's stuff. But you could encourage more independent play at home so that he learns how to entertain himself and to keep himself safe.