Moving to lakewood?Or other... Not yeshivish

amother

Lavender

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 8:05 pm

So, I never thought I would even consider it but now that push comes to shove we are possibly considering Lakewood due to two reasons only- financial and family/friends there.
But I have heard horror stories about getting into schools, especially if you are not yeshivish. We are solid and frum, went through all the mainstream schools but we are not yeshivish. I like to go out of my house with no tights in summer, my husband owns a hat but barely wears etc and we go to movies etc. Will we need to change to get our kids into school?
So will we fit in or is it a mistake to even consider it as our kids would never get into the school system here?
Anywhere else you can recommend?

We also are considering Clifton, NJ,, Monsey or somewere in 5 Towns but the main thing that holds me back is the crazy tuition everwhere!How do people afford 13-15k tuitions with a high mortgage, babysitter, taxes, food etc. Even on a 140,000 income the numbers do not add up! Can I rely on a break or to we need to go into debt to live? And we have no parental help at all from either side. We are two professionals and I do not understand how anyone can live?

pearled

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 8:30 pm

Hi!
I'm relatively new to this site, but would love to help if I can....

Come look into our warm and wonderful community in Northeast Philadelphia. We are about an hour and 10 minutes from Lakewood, VERY affordable housing ($150K +) , schools that will warmly embrace you and be happy to give you tuition breaks along with state EITC/OSTC money if you qualify. Out of town crowd with no need to "keep up with the neighbors." Lots of kosher food, some restaurants, and great shuls. Hashkafically I think you would feel comfortable to be whoever you are here. Feel free to pm me for more info and if you want to come visit! Here's our shul's website- www.biozshul.org

Wishing you lots of luck!

12rivkyk34

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 8:41 pm

As much as financially it would make sense, I would say you will have a difficult time in Lakewood. Although in Flatbush or 5 towns going to movies, wearing no tights is acceptable and you can still be Ehrlich and frum, in Lakewood most schools would not take you in. They wouldn't make you change, they just wouldn't take you. That's the realistic bottom line. It's not smart to move and then feel like a reject. There are many people in Lakewood who aren't yeshivish but most of them (unless they're loaded) have a difficult time getting into schools and are burnt by the system. Hatzlocha with your decision.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 8:45 pm

You are right; the numbers do not add up. Most mainstream schools in NJ offer financial aid. Do not assume you cannot afford to live elsewhere until you have a better idea if the true cost of school. It is true that real estate prices and taxes in NJ are very high, but there are some places that are less than others.

I have no personal experience with Lakewood, but I know a few people who have left because they could/would not fit in.

amother

Azure

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 8:58 pm

I moved from clifton. I personally didn't even bother applying for a scholarship but I know others who did. I would strongly suggest speaking to the schools and finding out if they would give you a scholarship and how much. I would not make assumptions either way.

dixie

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 9:05 pm

[quote="pearled"]Hi!
.

Come look into our warm and wonderful community in Northeast Philadelphia. We are about an hour and 10 minutes from Lakewood, VERY affordable housing ($150K +) , schools that will warmly embrace you and be happy to give you tuition breaks along with state EITC/OSTC money if you qualify. Out of town crowd with no need to "keep up with the neighbors." Lots of kosher food, some restaurants, and great shuls. Hashkafically I think you would feel comfortable to be whoever you are here. Feel free to pm me for more info and if you want to come visit! Here's our shul's website- www.biozshul.org

I am also from NE Philly and I agree wholeheartedly. Very Happy

doctorima

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 10:25 pm

I think you and your kids will struggle greatly in Lakewood, and whatever benefits you get financially will be more than cancelled out by all of the agmas nefesh you'll go through needlessly. Why not consider Baltimore, where you'll fit in nicely in terms of frumkeit and the cost of living is also quite reasonable relative to the other places you mentioned?

PinkFridge

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 8:42 am

I am going to say this carefully. I don't want to bash Lakewood. I think there is tremendous beauty and good there. But you will feel disconnect. And more, if you lived in another city, you would feel endorsed and fully franchised and able to grow in a way you might not be able to in Lakewood. You and your kids. I vote for somewhere else so you could be an outsider looking into Lakewood and appreciating the good.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 10:52 am

Op here. Thanks for all the candid responses and I kind of feel the same way. at this point in my life I have no interest in the fakeness a nd judgmentalism on externals. I am not making my husband weAr a white shirt just bec the Joneses do. So maybe despite family and friends there it really is not a place for us. I am curious though where do the non yeshivish people in Chestnut and now Toms river send their kids? Dont the cooler schools take the more modern families? The last thing I need is my innocent child sitting home a few months. I find it sickening that this happens there and thats why Lakewood probably is not an option. Does anyone have firsthand info on Clifton? We are strongly considering it- but I am curious about the tuitions there and housing prices

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 11:17 am

We didn't have such a hard time, but we are old Lakewood ppl so we know people... My husband does not wear a white shirt and can go to pta in colored shirts, but the schools we send to frown upon no stockings or going to movies etc. There is a school that has more of that parent body, maybe you can find out more about but I haven't heard great things (not bec of parent or student body, but just haven't heard good things about the school itself). So maybe that's where the people you mentioned go.

The school we send to does not have a yeshvish parent body but they want to keep it very small so it's not easy to get into. And they want parents who want to grow spiritually, so if you told them you don't wear stockings where you live, but you want to start now, they'd be happy to hear that. Just an example. Sorry this is is a bit of a ramble and not very cohesive ... Just writing off the top of my mind..

amother

Azure

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 11:42 am

I used to live in Clifton- moved away this past summer. the houses are on the smaller size and some people end up putting on an additions. I would suggest you look on zillow/trulia to see what houses have been selling for and how big those houses are. You can also call up a realtor- trust me they will be more then happy to talk to you Wink

I can tell you how much tuition would have been for this past year but I think you are better off finding out how much of a scholarship they would be willing to give you since that's what will actually tell you how much money you have to budget for.

also keep in mind that the community has grown very quickly. I don't know if YBH has figured out what to do about the fact that they are running out of space...

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 11:45 am

thanks azure. do u mind sharing how much the tuition is for preschool and elementary? without a scholarship. as well as what your impressions of Clifton were- were you happy there?

amother

Azure

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 12:14 pm

clifton has grown tremendously. pple I know who are still there say they feel like they don't know pple anymore... if you are coming from a place like brooklyn that might be ok with you.
I thought there were a lot of very nice pple in Clifton and genuinely liked all my neighbors. I think it's a lot easier for women then for men there. Is your husband outgoing? Do you have friends there already?

last year kindergarten until was 6,900, pre1 was 10,800, 6-8th grade was 11,6500. that's not including building fund which was 1500, journal requirement was 1750.... there's also vouchers... it adds up quickly.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 12:23 pm

my husband is friendly but not loud. I have some acquaintances there but no close people. it probably would be an adjustment for both of us, thats why a welcoming community is super important to us. tuition sounds like a lot. so for a pre 1a child we would be paying 13k? do most people really pay that or they give out breaks?

amother

Azure

Wed, Apr 27 2016, 12:23 pm

we moved for a better quality of life for us. my daughter is sooo much happier in her new school, she has a lot more friends, my husband is much happier at our new shul.... but I know someone else who lived in the same two places as us and had a great experience at YBH, its really very personal and I wouldn't want to G-d forbid bash Clifton . Clifton didn't work for us but I can understand how it can really work for others. The people who bought our house seem to be very happy there... and they are same "type" as us hashkafically, materialistically..... .. I would describe Clifton as in between "OOT" and "in town"- we needed OOT but for some people it's really that optimal middle of the road option.
hope that helps.