Help! My son is difficult but being treated meanly :(

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 8:50 pm

Ok. I have been married for 32 years and have made pesach every year since day 1. This year I was extremely depressed (clinically) and I just couldn't do it. A very kind and generous friend offered to host me, dh and our 2 youngest for all of yomtov. I am incredibly grateful to her and have expressed my gratitude several times in words and in actions.
Our 7 y.o. son ( born when I was in my 40s) has ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and and ADHS and is EXTREMELY difficult. Dh is in a wheelchair for the last 10 years so is not able to be "hands on" with him. So it all falls on me. My mental health is fragile and my energy is very low.
I am trying my absolute hardest to be on top of ds but he is who he is. My friend has ZERO patience for him and yells at him and laughs at him which if course makes it more difficult to deal with him. She seems to think that if I would just be tougher with him, he wouldn't be so difficult. It hurts me. I'm really really doing the best I can. Trying to stay out of her space as much as possible. We r thank G-d not sleeping by her so I pretty much only bring him over for meals. But even that is difficult.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just understanding. But it's so so hard.

amother

Blush

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 9:13 pm

I read your post and I'm screaming out to Hashem- please give a this poor woman a break. Ok- You sent her a chessed of a person to help with yomtov , but
-a kid with ODD who is very difficult
-a husband in a wheelchair
-clinical depression
-a host is being mean
It's TOO MUCH!!!!

Davening for you .

Hug

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 9:57 pm

Have you tried saying something?

I appreciate all your help but please don't try to help discipline my son. We are working with therapists to help him with his behavior but it's a long process and your making fun of him makes it harder.

amother

Violet

Tue, Apr 26 2016, 10:22 pm

As a fellow mom of a child who is ODD and a different child who has a developmental disability I just want to give you credit for all you do for your child. Someone took my developmentally delayed child for chol hamoed and it made me realize how not normal my life is when she is around and how "typical" it is when she isn't. When I feel this way I give myself a huge pat on the back that most ppl can't imagine what it is to take care of these children day in and day out. Your friend has absolutely no right to offer any advice. She is fortunate that Hashem has not tested her in this way.
I just want to acknowledge your hardships and once again tell you that you are amazing and doing more work than anyone can imagine! May hashem reward you!!!

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, May 01 2016, 10:38 pm

Thank you. All I can say is Thank G'd it's over. As difficult as it is to make Pesach, I now realize that I will have to continue to make Pesach for many more years to come. Thanks all for your support.