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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
Red
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 Thu, Apr 28 2016, 12:34 am
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I have a friend who unfortunately got divorced. I don't know all the details of her finances. When she first got divorced she asked me for money and I gave her $25. Two months later she asked again and I gave her more money. I just gave her money last month and now she asked again. I am living on a budget and I feel that this is getting to be too much. What should I do?
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SRS
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Thu, Apr 28 2016, 12:42 am
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I would just say that you are living on a budget and cannot help her anymore, but if there is someone in your community who is good with budgets and could help her, by all means, see if you can get her to communicate with someone that can help her get on her own two feet.
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imasinger
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Thu, Apr 28 2016, 6:05 am
Exactly.
If you think it would soften the "no", you could stress that you will continue to be there for her emotionally.
When I was first separated, a friend invited me and my kids for pizza at her house every Wednesday. We did potluck, but it still a) saved me a few bucks, and b) gave me and the kids a weekly social connection. Twenty years later, I am still grateful.
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groovy1224
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Thu, Apr 28 2016, 7:06 am
Just say you're so sorry, but you don't have it to give. Tell her if you could, you'd give her so much more but you just don't have it. You're not an atm machine, don't feel guilty about that.
Ask if there's any other way you can help..maybe by giving get your kid's hand me downs or having her over for dinner.
If she's really really struggling, there are organizations that can help.
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Happydance
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Thu, Apr 28 2016, 7:22 am
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Do you have maaser money you are anyway giving to tzedaka? Anii ircha kodmim...it would be a big chessed to help her, as someone you know closely
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greenfire
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Thu, Apr 28 2016, 9:29 am
you cannot keep giving & then suddenly say "no" ... there's a way to go about giving tzedaka with proper intention rather than being resentful as you give
break it gently that you're on a tight budget I.e. 'sorry I don't have the means right now - but I'd like you to come for yom tov lunch [or other seuda]' ... you can also ask her if there is something specific she needs that you can share from your supplies [I.e. tampons]
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