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Kids being bullied by a neighbor, WWYD?



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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 12:39 pm
Were Really at our wits end with our 6 year old neighbor (!!!) He's an extremely aggressive bully...all standard things I've taught my kids on standing up to bullies just don't work with this child. Ignoring doesn't work. He spits on them, taunts, mimicks, kicks them, pours out their food...

His mom has no backbone and her (non-existant) discipline doesn't really matter to this kid...

I've already warned the kid not to come near our house, and dh has tried to send him away with some strict words but literally NOTHING works. He will mimick our voices and laaaugh...

He does crazy things like dumps wrappers & trash at our door and rings the bell and runs away...

Worst of all he has a group of neighborhood children that "support him" or I guess are terrified of him...

Any solutions? Ideas?

Spring is here d I really don't want my kids locked into the house!
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 1:05 pm
OMG are u me??

Its really hard. I have no advice. We have lived in our home for 6 years with a similar situation and I have finally convinced my DH to agree on selling our home. My kids are inside all the time and have no childhood.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 1:26 pm
I would call the cops on the kid. No reason you should suffer.
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Happy18




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 1:44 pm
Honestly if a kid was ringing my doorbell and leaving trash I would tell the parents to either put a stop to it or I would be calling the police. It sounds like the parents need parenting classes and if something isn't done soon they likely will be reported to social services and the police.
If you won't do something because you feel like you can't for halachic reasons then move you need to protect your children
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 1:49 pm
please be honest here. Are you out the whole time with your kids? You might have a challenging neighbor but just because your kid comes in crying with a story doesn't mean it's all true.

I have a neighbor who constantly complains about my child. The thing is ... I am out with the kids and the other mother haS LITERALLY not come out in years. My child is not easy but her child instigates and says crazy things to us all the time. Then her kids goes home crying and I get a phone call. So if you are not there the whole time your kids are out, please don't complain about the neighbors.
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 2:25 pm
When a child deserves a hug the least, that's when he needs it the most.

I would go out with my kids all the time, and try to talk to the kid. In a nice way. He seems like he is hurting terribly. He is desperate for attention and doesn't know any better ways to get it. He is happier to get negative attention than no attention. I would give him positive attention when he's not asking for it. Show him you care. Without love, there can be no discipline.

Honestly, there are two components that will bring a child to this point. He has to have both- a difficult nature and a not very loving upbringing. That doesn't mean his parents are terrible- they just might not be expressing their love enough. That is further complicated by his difficult nature. But all the discipline in the word will not help him if he doesn't get any love.

Really, his parents need to be getting help. There is not much you can do if they continue to not help. If there's any way you can persuade them to get help, that would be great, but it seems unlikely. So just showing him love yourself while protecting your children at the same time is the best thing I can think of.

If his mother is okay with it, you can give him snacks sometimes. Ask him about his day. Have a civil conversation with him. That may be enough to work wonders.

Of course, if I was the one in this situation, I might think my own advice was nuts.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2016, 2:58 pm
OP I feel for you! I would love to hear any words of wisdom, because I have a similar situation, though not as bad. My 5 year old has 2 friends on the block but the other boys bully him terribly. We've tried everything, bribing them, working with him, threatening the troublemakers... I'm planning a big carnival for him after pesach but with spring coming I finally called a mother of one of the bullies. She was very receptive. Here's to hoping for a better summer this year...
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 12:25 pm
I would call CPS. The kid is obviously disturbed, and the family needs professional help. If they won't get it on their own, then maybe CPS can force them to get their act together.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 1:48 pm
Your kid will feel so bad seeing you give love the bully and I don't see a mom being able to give love to someone hurting her child. Step up for your kid. Report the family if they are abusing (real abuse, not American abuse).
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 3:47 pm
Ruchel wrote:
(real abuse, not American abuse).


*grabs the popcorn*

This is going to get interesting very quickly...
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MrsDash




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 7:23 pm
Time to get a super soaker or water hose. And spray him until he stays away. Hey, it works on cats, could work on this animal too.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 10:44 pm
Op here. Thanks for your replies.

To clarify some points:
I mostly sit out with my kids and have witnessed his out of hand behavior, not only to my kids but other neighbors too. (One neighbor actually lost it on him at one point...grabbed him by his shoulder and threatened the daylights out of him...)

I know his mom quite well and I do not suspect any abuse or even neglect in the home. I think his parents have no inkling of how to discipline him, I believe it is quite a challenge since he clearly has issues!! His mom is this tiny, sweet, frail, timid woman...she literally murmurs a slight "scolding" when she hears about his mischiefs that sounds something like this "oyyyy, don't do that again, kaaaay?"

And to the poster that suggested with killing him with kindness...I don't think that would be fair to my kids unless he stops for a short while...
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 11:22 pm
MrsDash wrote:
Time to get a super soaker or water hose. And spray him until he stays away. Hey, it works on cats, could work on this animal too.


I love this idea!
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 30 2016, 11:40 pm
the world's best mom wrote:

SNIP

Of course, if I was the one in this situation, I might think my own advice was nuts.


This.

I'm with the posters that said to call the cops. This kid (and his mother) need a wake-up call.

(FTR, I don't condone the CPS route.)
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Sun, May 01 2016, 7:29 am
I had a similar situation. I used to keep my child home almost all day for a long time. then I let him out just for an hour for a long time; & once he got the idea of how to play with the trouble maker & his group better; he stayed out longer.
you gotta keep your child home if he is bullied - I dont see any other option. not fun.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Sun, May 01 2016, 8:03 am
Do they go to the same school? If so, do you know how he behaves there?
If he bullied your kid at school, it might be easier to get the school involved. That might be a big enough wake up call for his mother to do something.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Sun, May 01 2016, 12:27 pm
Op, you are just so naive an gullible if you really think this mother has no backbone. We had a neighbor like that and when anyone tried to tell off this kid, the mother would threaten to call the police on them. No backbone? What a joke. And trespassing on your property is a crime. You most certainly should call the police on this kid.
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