Drives me crazy to this day!!! So mad!!!

amother

Crimson

Thu, May 05 2016, 8:55 pm

When I was married the first time, I didn't really care about flowers so much. But my mother did, because she hadn't been happy with the flowers at her own wedding.

She spent way more money on flowers that I would much rather have been spent on tzedaka, or on other things. And when some of the flowers on the cake were wilted, that was all she could talk about to me and ex at the reception.

I wish my mom had gotten past her hurt about the flowers at her own wedding, so that she could hear what did and didn't matter to me at mine.

When I married for the second time, I got what I wanted -- a simple bouquet for myself, and spent the money on getting DD and DSD's something nice. And I decorated the tables with fake flowers around baskets of fresh fruit. The leftover fruit was donated to the hungry, and the fake flowers decorated our sukkah for many years.

By the time my own DD was married, I had used therapy to work through a lot of my feelings about all the ways my mother was pushy or unable to hear me. I could work easily with DD on what mattered to her.

OP, I hope that posting this has helped you begin to get it out n the open, so that you can heal enough not to let your past affect your children, as my mom's did. Doing it right for the next generation is very healing.

gilamom

Thu, May 05 2016, 9:13 pm

amother wrote:

I'm so sorry op.
I saw your op and the responses yesterday and I wrote a whole long a free post. But then my kid needed me and when I got back it was lost.
I had a feeling this is why happened. I'm so sorry. I know what a hell this is because I've lived Thru it too.

And it's not about the flowers specifically. It's more about all the little and not so little and huge things it symbolizes in your life. Flowers are supposed to make you feel pretty and pampered. And it did just the opposite.

I might be wrong and if this post isn't correct them feel free to disregard.

Ps. I had day old super ugly colorful weird flowers because flowers is just a waste of money. Yeah right..... I hated my Sheitel and the makeup artist made me look like a clown. My brand new husband commented about it. I looked like I had a 3" layer of cake on my face. I did like my gown (not that I chose it) I never went to get my wedding photos.

[b]

Same here, except my husband ended up picking them up for his mother, I've never seen the wedding video and don't want to. I get you OP, there was a 'mistake' with the flowers at my wedding that could have been completely avoided but I was lied to instead-I remember walking into the hall and seeing some half hearted attempt to make it sort of presentable enough and burst into tears-I'm glad you posted because it's been hard for me to completely let it go too but I guess seeing this thread makes me see that yes, these things happen.

amother

Pewter

Thu, May 05 2016, 9:30 pm

I posted before about my own "not happy with he flowers" story, and truly realizing by writing here that Hashem really decides your flowers, not you, or your mom, of in my case, FIL, had been the "thing" that made ne get over it. Even though it I hard to hear. If that helps, good, if not, well, I guess we are all different.