Two year old doesn't listen

amother

cornflower

Sun, May 08 2016, 8:07 am

OK, I know the thread title sounds silly, what two year old does listen? But this one seems to listen even less than normal, I think. He's very bright and verbal, so I know he understands what's being said. I mean, when he's told to do or not do something, he registers what what said, and then smiles this "yeah right" kind of look, sometimes even laughs, and then continues with whatever is the opposite of what was just asked. He is warned of a consequence and continues to laugh and smile and ignore right up until the consequence occurs, then he wails most heartbreakingly and promises he's going to do what was asked. Of course it's too late, and I do follow through and then he does listen for like an hour, and then forgets by the next time he's up to something. I understand that you sometimes have to repeat the lesson a few times before it sinks in, but I don't remember it ever taking so many repeats with my oldest. Any ideas? We are consistent with consequences and follow through, the rules are clear, the consequences are age appropriate and understandable to him. We give lots of positive attention, he's really a sweetie most of the time, though he is a middle child, so maybe getting a little lost in the shuffle.

FranticFrummie

Sun, May 08 2016, 11:04 am

Congratulations! You have an independent thinker, with a strong sense of self, and a lot of determination. He will try your nerves, but all of these traits will make him a strong and happy adult.

Remember that every "negative" trait a child has, becomes their greatest asset as an adult. Picture how these traits will work for him when he's older, and you will be grateful that he has them. By thinking this way, you will be more patient, and appreciate him for the person he was created to be.

Also, ask yourself why Hashem thought it was a good idea to send you this child? There is something very important he was sent here to teach you. Hang on for the ride, and give him a little extra attention. Middle children always have it the hardest.

amother

cornflower

Mon, May 09 2016, 3:24 pm

Thanks. That's definitely true, and I do see the better sides of the coin. But I need some practical tips too. Sometimes he does things that are dangerous (and he knows it, he'll sometimes even reminds himself to "be careful" right before doing something he shouldn't) and other things that really need to be stopped right now. I can laugh about it 5 years from now, but the behavior needs to be dealt with immediately. Which it is, but he keeps doing these things again and again and again. How many times should it take till he stops doing x or y undesirable behavior?

groovy1224

Mon, May 09 2016, 5:49 pm

Sounds almost exactly like my son. He would ignore my warnings, and then bring on the crocodile tears when I put him in time out like I said I would, or whatever consequence I had promosd. Eventually I realized the tears were for my benefit, because he wanted me to think he had seen the error of his ways, so that I'd shorten his 'sentence.'
Sounds funny, but at the time was so frustrating. I felt like he was playing me. Like my reprimands and consequences just bounced off him. Like your son, he was overall very sweet, and not destructive or violent, but just very shrewd, in a toddler way.

So what worked in the end? Consistency- exactly what you're doing. Just keep it up, and eventually he will get bored of testing you. He will realize that he can have fun AND follow the rules, and will move on to something else. Just ride it out, and stay consistent and level headed. I know how frustrating this stage can be- but they call it the terrible twos for a reason! I was so nervous that he was going to be a problem child, (sounds so ridiculous now, but its it's hard to have clarity in the moment) but he kind of just woke up one day and decided he was done. He's not perfect of course, but I'm not popping excedrin migraine like I used to. He'll always be a challenge, but it does get easier. Hang in there!

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, May 09 2016, 5:50 pm

My almost three yo can do that.
I've started following Thru with Sarah yaraslowitz's approach. She wrote a book "are your hands full"

One of the points she said is that sometimes if you tell a Child "not" to do something, his brain gets the message that they MUST do this. To get the parents to understand this concept she asks you to visualize a pink elephant. Now DO NOT think of that elephant..... Of course you can't get that picture out of your head..... Same w kids in such situations.....
So her approach was to separate the kid from the dangerous situation without making any comments what's so ever. Just get the lid away. Again and again and again calmly. If needed lock the door of the room or whatever.

I haven't finished her book nice only started but so far it has worked wonders. No yelling. No frustration. Just calmly separating the child.

With my kid the issue was hurting the baby (for attention or because the baby was taking her toy or whatever)

Bh it has improved drastically.
And the best part, showing her that that behavior was NOT OK has turned into a mostly positive (with the occasional tandrum) occasion with much calmer days.

Also, I following a specific approach and having what to fall back on is great. I feel confident in what I do and the second guessing isn't there anymore Bh.