What are the norms in Israel for Engagement parties?

amother

Ginger

Mon, May 09 2016, 2:54 pm

My daughter recently became engaged to a Haredi boy and we are now planning an engagement party. We are not Haredi so I'd like to ask what is the norm for such parties among Haredim in Israel?

Our initial understanding was that we'd have cakes, drinks and nash like we did for our other children when they got engaged. But now our daughter says it has to be a meal, either catered or we make it all ourselves and bring it to the hall. In addition, they want to invite a lot of people. This could end up costing several thousands of shekels. This is in addition to having to buy the chatan a shas and a watch and pay for "mesamchim" at the wedding. There are so many extra expenses for haredi weddings which we didn't have for our standard dati weddings and it is really starting to stress me out.

Please enlighten me as to the norm of engagement parties in Israel amongst the Haredim so that I know how to manage this issue. I want her to be happy but we have a budget.

PS: I'm not talking about a Vort. We had that already with just the 2 families and no one else came because it was right before Pesach.

Shuly

Mon, May 09 2016, 5:21 pm

In my experience, chassidim have a hot, sit down meal, although it can be pareve.

Non-chassidim tend to have tables set up with cakes and cookies and smaller tables with chairs for people to sit and eat. They will put salads by the ladies and kugels (potato and yerushalmi) by both. There is usually pareve cholent by the men.

The food can be catered or homemade or a combination.

They do the tenaim at the erusin and the mothers break a plate (which I always found strange because Americans only do this at the wedding).

Marion

Wed, May 11 2016, 10:23 am

The only erusin I've been to have always been cakes and soft drinks (the one in November had hot drinks as well). There might have been kugel for the men but I didn't pay that close attention to the other side of the mechitza. There was definitely not a sit down meal! (Mostly Litvish charedi, but in at least two instances the other side were chassidim.)

Iymnok

Wed, May 11 2016, 11:42 am

You had a l'chaim and are now planning the vort.

For each side of the mechitza have a dessert table and a "meal" table with salads and buffet heated pan thingies of mini shnitzels and burekas.

It's a come and go thing, not a sit down meal- though the buffet gives that option.

amother

Ginger

Wed, May 11 2016, 5:12 pm

Thanks everyone. Very helpful info. What types of savory things are easy and/or inexpensive to serve? I don't mind making some easy things at home but I'm too busy to make a lot so things we can buy that aren't overly expensive would be best.